Regretting You(52)

“That makes no sense.”

“It’s just how guys work.”

“Let me get this straight. If I like a guy, and he likes me, we have to pretend not to like each other, or we’ll stop liking each other?”

“Hey, I didn’t make the rules,” she says. She falls back into her seat in kind of a slump. “I can’t believe this. We’ve always been single together. This is going to change our friendship.”

“No, it won’t.”

“It will,” she says. “You’ll sit by him at lunch. He’ll start meeting you before and after school. You’ll be too busy to hang out with me on weekends.”

“You work all the time, anyway.”

“Yeah, but I could have a day off someday, and you won’t want to spend it with me now.”

“Next time you have a day off, I’m going to spend it with you.”

“Promise?”

I hold up my pinkie, and she grips it just as we’re pulling into the school parking lot.

Lexie nudges her head. “Gross. He’s waiting for you.”

Miller is standing next to his truck in the parking spot next to where I always park. Just the sight of him waiting for me makes me smile. Lexie groans when she sees Miller smiling back at me. “I hate it already,” she says.

She gets out of the car as soon as I put it in park and looks at Miller over the hood. “How serious is this thing between you two?”

Oh my God. I scramble out of the car and look at Miller, wide eyed. “Don’t answer that.” I turn to Lexie. “Stop it.”

She’s looking past me, at Miller. “Got any single friends, since you stole mine?”

Miller laughs. “I’m sure I can scrounge up a couple.”

Lexie shuts her door. “Only a couple?” She winks at me, then starts walking toward the school by herself. I feel kind of bad, because she’s right. Things will change between us a little bit.

“How was your night?” Miller asks, pulling my attention back to him.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” he says, hoisting his backpack up higher onto his shoulder. He leans in and kisses me, just a quick peck on the mouth. “Were you up all night thinking about me?”

I lift a shoulder. “Maybe.”

He walks with me toward the school. “Is Lexie serious? Does she really want a boyfriend?”

“I don’t know. She’s my best friend, but I still can’t tell when she’s kidding or when she’s serious.”

“So it’s not just me?”

I shake my head just as Miller opens the door for me. Once we’re in the hallway, he reaches down between us and grabs my hand like it’s second nature. I might be biased, but I like how we fit. He’s taller than me by at least five inches, but our hands clasp together comfortably.

It feels so right . . . until it doesn’t.

Forty-five days. That’s how long they’ve been dead, and I have no idea how I can possibly walk through these hallways, smiling like I didn’t just lose two of the most important people in my life. It fills me with guilt because my mother never smiles anymore. Neither does Jonah. Not only have I stolen lives because of my disregard for Aunt Jenny’s safety while she was driving, but now I’ve stolen the smiles of all the people my father and Aunt Jenny left behind.

I head toward Jonah’s classroom, and Miller walks with me, holding the door for me when we reach it. Jonah is the only one inside when we walk into the room, still hand in hand.

Jonah is staring at our hands, and again, I feel the guilt coursing through me. How long will it take until I don’t feel guilty for feeling happy? Shouldn’t I be in a depression every second of the day? Not just at intervals? I pull my hand from Miller’s as I set my stuff onto my desk.

Jonah tilts his head in curiosity. “You two dating now?”

“Don’t answer that either,” I say to Miller.

“Okay, then,” Jonah says, giving his attention back to the work laid out in front of him. “Gotten very far on the film project?”

“No. I just told Miller I signed him up for it last night.”

Jonah looks up at Miller. “You still waiting on permission from the girlfriend?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend anymore.” Miller looks at me. “Or maybe I have a new one?” He looks confused when he gives his attention back to Jonah. “It doesn’t seem like she wants me telling people we’re a thing now.”

“Are we?” I ask. “A thing?”

“I don’t know,” Miller says. “You’re the one who keeps telling me not to answer anyone.”

“I just didn’t want you to feel pressured to label us.”

“Now I feel pressured not to label us.”

“Well, Lexie said if I acted like I liked you, it would scare you away.”

Miller raises a brow. “If that phone call didn’t scare you away last night, I think we’re fine. If you like me, I want you to act like you like me, or I’ll get a complex.”

“I like you. A lot. Don’t get a complex.”

“Good,” Miller says. “I like you too.”

“Good,” I say in return.