Reckless (Thoughtless, #3)(8)

Mom watched him go, then sat on the bed with me. She didn’t ask me anything, but her earlier question was still clear in her green eyes. Putting a hand on her knee, I repeated my earlier answer. “I’m fine, Mom, really.”

She seemed baffled by my response. “How can you be fine with him and that girl . . . ?”

She didn’t finish her question and I shrugged. “It was ages ago, long before he met me. That tape doesn’t have anything to do with me, and now that the shock of it has worn off . . . I’m fine.”

Mom wore a look of confusion, and I laughed a little as I laid my head on her shoulder. “He’s not that guy anymore and . . .” I paused, my own failings suddenly hitting me. “I can’t hold his past against him.”

Hearing my tone, Mom pulled back so that I had to look at her. “What about your past?” She scanned my face. “Do you want to tell me what really happened with you and Denny, honey?”

I blinked, taken aback. Mom and Dad had both accepted it when I’d told them that Denny had left me for a job in his home country. But Mom was observant, concerned, and curious, and had no doubt melded together guilty looks and hushed comments to form a Denny-Kellan-Kiera puzzle that was much bigger than the tiny piece that I’d admitted to her. I was sure she suspected the truth. Feeling my eyes well, I started to shake my head. No, I didn’t want to tell her how horrible a human being I was, that she’d raised that sort of girl, that I was even more flawed than the man who’d made a sex tape with his ex-roommate. I would prefer it if she continued to think of me as sweet and innocent. But then . . . I would be a liar if I let her keep thinking that way.

Hanging my head, I whispered, “I had an affair with Kellan. Denny found out and . . . left me.” Guilty tears coursed down my cheeks. Peeking up at her, I choked out, “I’m so sorry, Mom.”

Her eyes were glossy as she watched my pain. I waited for her biting words of condemnation, but they didn’t come. Instead, she tossed her arms around me and hugged me tight. That only made me cry harder. Resting my cheek on her shoulder, I let go of the dam holding back my remorse. I sobbed in her arms as she soothingly cooed in my ear and rubbed my back.

My tears subsiding, I lifted my head. “Do you hate me?” My throat closed up with my words.

Mom dried my tears with her thumb. A soft smile on her lips, she shook her head. “No, of course I don’t hate you.”

I shook my head at her. “Aren’t you going to yell? Tell me how awful I am?”

I started to lower my head and she grabbed my chin. She held my gaze for long seconds before answering. “There’s nothing I could say to you that would punish you more than you’ve already punished yourself.” She shook her head, her long brown locks swishing around her shoulders. “Now, if you had no regret, then your father and I would take turns tearing you a new one.” She smiled wider and cupped my cheek. “But this is obviously something that has torn you up inside, and I can’t imagine that you would ever do this to yourself again.”

I violently shook my head. No, I didn’t want to ever go through that torture again. She grinned at me as she dropped her hand. “I’m actually more upset that you got married behind my back.” Crossing her arms over her chest, she pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow. “You want to explain that?”

I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t get out of this one quite so easily.

It took me a while, but I finally convinced Mom that I’d really only gotten engaged last night. Kellan and I considered our moment at the bar a marriage, but I knew the outside world wouldn’t see it that way, and it definitely wasn’t a legally binding ceremony. My message to Mom and Dad had been pretty short, with no explanations. I’d basically only told them that Kellan and I had gotten married and I wouldn’t be home until the morning. It really was a miracle that Dad hadn’t sent S.W.A.T. out after me.

Once Mom understood what we’d done, she laughed in relief.“Oh good, I was afraid you’d taken the red eye to Vegas and had some Elvis impersonator marry you.” She shook her head as she grabbed my hand to examine my promise ring wedding band. “That’s not a proper way to start a life together . . . if you’re sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him?”

I nodded emphatically. That was one thing I was absolutely certain of.

A deep resolution marked Mom’s features, then she smiled. “I guess we better get started on planning this wedding, then?” Her eyes brightening even more, she clasped her hands together. “We could do it in December, after Anna has her baby . . . oh, or in the spring, when everything is in bloom?”

My mind spun as Mom started ticking off things we would need to do between now and the wedding date. She would surely pick out for me: my dress, my bridesmaid dresses, a guest list, invitations, flowers, music, the venue, a caterer, the wedding cake, tuxes . . .

The list went on and on and I put my hands over hers to stop her from continuing to ramble. “Mom, I don’t need anything fancy.” I smiled in a lovesick way. “Kellan and I are already married. We just need to make it legal.”

Mom gave me a blank look, then asked, “Do you want to have it here in Seattle, or back home in Athens? Because all of our family is back there, and making them fly out to you wouldn’t be very nice.”

I sighed. Mom wasn’t going to let this one go. I was going to be dolled up and paraded down a rose-lined aisle whether I wanted it or not. It twisted my stomach into knots just thinking about it.