Real Bad Things(75)
When their impasse became too much, she spoke. “I confessed.”
“To?”
“Murder.”
“Jesus Christ.” He dropped his head back and let his chin face the ceiling. “It wasn’t murder. It was self-defense.”
“Same thing.”
“It’s not,” he said and righted himself.
“It’s not what?”
“It’s not the same,” he said, rubbing his face. “Murder is an act of intention.”
“I intended Warren to be dead after he attacked me.” Now that she could say the words out loud, she couldn’t help herself from saying them repeatedly. Emphatically. Lean in, as the business lady said.
“What we committed was noncriminal homicide,” he said and tapped his index finger on the table with each word. “As such, I believe a jury of our peers will let us off on the basis of self-defense.”
“Who do you think you are? Coming in here defining murder for me like I’m some bumpkin Bottom Feeder and telling me about what we committed and what our peers will do?”
Finally, he returned his gaze to her and let out a quick laugh that let her know they were so, so screwed.
“Because we all confessed to the same crime.”
Twenty-Seven
JANE
Chuck practically trembled.
“Do you need help with that?” Jane asked. Clouds crossed the sky, a holdover from the previous night’s rain and hailstorm. All along her frantic run from the trailer to the funeral home, she’d thought, Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe my brain is playing tricks on me.
Too late to go back now.
“I shouldn’t be doing this.” He fumbled with his keys. “You should probably wait around back.” He looked around the empty lot. The grass was dew topped. The predawn streets quiet. Not even the birds bothered to sing. “What if someone sees us?”
Her urgency and irritation grew. “They’ll think you’re my lover and you helped me kill Warren and you can tell them you didn’t and you’ll be all the rage for a while and then you’ll just go back to being plain old Chuck, the funeral home guy. No one will remember it in a month.”
He paused his door-opening attempt and stared at her. “Do you want my help or not?”
She snatched the keys from him and opened the door. “Do you want your testimonial?”
He grumbled and rushed inside after her, securely locking the door behind him.
“Follow me.” Chuck brushed past her as if they were about to journey through a vast and cavernous crypt full of secrets and booby traps.
“You could have emailed it,” she said.
“And leave a paper trail for the police? I don’t think so. And if you—”
“I told you. I won’t.”
“Surely your attorney could provide you with—”
“I don’t have an attorney. And I don’t have time.”
His chest rose and fell in jagged spurts. He analyzed her face, maybe to gauge whether or not she was lying.
“You should get an attorney.” Perhaps he’d seen the latest Let’s Talk About Maud too. The one that had prompted her to call Chuck.
HOT OFF THE PRESS:
LEZZIE BORDEN’S ACCOMPLICES (!!) CONFESS!
As they say at the start of southern fairy tales, Y’ALL AIN’T GONNA BELIEVE THIS SHIT!
In a turn of events none of us here at the LTAM saw coming, rumors are flying that Jane Mooney’s teenage lover, our very own Georgia Lee Felony done turned herself in!
For the murder of Warren Ingram!
But WAIT! THAT’S NOT ALL . . .
First. A Programming Note: According to one of our loyal followers, the proper term for Georgia Lee’s shenanigans is BISEXUAL.
(Look it up! We did! HOT!)
End Programming Note.
Not only that! Jane’s very own brother, local MMA superstar,
JASON MOTHERFUCKING TRAN
also turned himself in!
(HOLY SHIT! WUT EVEN, Y’ALL?)
On the same night!
[slams fist on microphone]
CAN WE GET A WUUUUUUUUUT?!?
We didn’t even know Jason Tran was related to Jane Mooney. What other secrets are they hiding in their closets?
Now, we ain’t so good at math, but we do know how to count to three. That’s THREE people who have now confessed to murdering that man.
Dang. Looks like everybody had it out for that dude. Must’ve been a real sonofabitch. But like we said, murder is murder.
We can’t wait to hear what Jane’s IRON MAIDEN, aka Georgia Lee, has to say for herself
(Whatchall think o’ that nickname? Throw up some horns, fellow bangers!) . . . and what REALLY went down that night other than Lezzie Borden and “Bonnie” Lee Lane!
(Another option. Hit us up in the comments with yer fave!) [rubs hands together]
IT’S GETTING GOOD, Y’ALL!
#MaudMurderMystery #BisexualsBisexualsBisexuals #AndJasonTran #ConfessionSessions Jason had likely confessed because of the text Jane had sent him about knowing Diane had helped him. There was no other reason she could find. And then there was Georgia Lee’s confession in the car. At least she’d come clean before they arrested Jane first. But now she had no idea what they would say about that night and if they’d implicate Jane and Angie as well.