Queen of Myth and Monsters (Adrian X Isolde, #2)(89)

“I do not need a reminder,” I said. Just hearing it made me feel sick. “But who are you going to be when you are not under her control?”

Adrian’s jaw popped as he gritted his teeth.

“I will not pretend you did not scare me. I will not pretend that I am not devastated by what happened, but if you pull away now, then I will pull away too, and we will be doomed.”

Adrian took a step closer and lifted his hand slowly, brushing his fingers along my cheek. It was a brief touch, and then he withdrew it.

“Kill me,” he said.

My brows lowered. “What?”

“If she takes me again, if I hurt you again,” he said, “kill me.”

I started to shake my head. “You do not know what you are asking of me.”

“I do,” he said quickly. “Do not let me live with the guilt of having murdered you.”

“So you would rather I live with it?” I asked. The words slipped angrily between my teeth. He said nothing, but I already knew his answer.

***

Camp was bustling with activity. Many of the tents had been packed away and the fires were nothing but smoking embers. I stood near Reverie, waiting for departure, but also using her as a shield as I studied Ana’s small spell book. I still felt drawn to read it despite my mother’s words about it being unnecessary to call upon magic with spells and shapes. In truth, I would likely need both tools until I became more confident.

“Are you well today, my queen?” Daroc asked.

I looked up quickly, closing the book.

He did not look any better than the day before—eyes dark and hair a mess, but I was grateful for him. I did not wish to think about what would have happened had he not found us.

“I am…well,” I said, though that felt like a lie. “You?”

“Well,” he replied, and I knew that was a definite lie.

We were silent for a moment, and I shifted on my feet. Feeling awkward. Daroc had never held a conversation with me, much less started one.

“Thank you…for yesterday,” I said at last.

“You do not need to thank me,” Daroc said.

“Did you know?” I asked. I did not give any more context to my question, but Daroc knew what I was asking.

His jaw tightened. “I did not expect it to escalate so fast.”

I swallowed hard and looked away, trembling.

“I am sorry about Sorin,” I said, changing the subject, though this one was no better.

“There is nothing to apologize for,” Daroc said. “You are not responsible for him.”

I wanted to tell him the same thing. Sorin’s actions were his own, but I knew it was too late for Daroc. It had been too late the moment he had turned Sorin. That was the day he’d decided to never let go.

Daroc bowed and left my side. I started to return to the book when I caught sight of Solaris who was slowly managing to pack his saddlebag. My feelings about the man were still mixed, but I walked toward him anyway.

“Would you like help?” I asked.

He jumped at the sound of my voice and glanced at me, managing a small, nervous laugh.

“Thank you, Queen Isolde,” he said. “I could not ask it of you.”

“I am offering,” I said.

He looked at me, fully now, and I remembered how cold he seemed when I had first met him in the throne room only weeks ago. I recognized it now as a shield.

“I have to learn to do this myself,” he said.

His words were not harsh, but they were dismissive, and a rush of embarrassment heated my face. Of course, he would not accept my help—I was the reason he struggled now.

“Of course,” I said and started to turn.

“You know I wasn’t lying,” he said, and his voice called my attention back to his face. “When I said I was hunting witches. I am. But I would take any witch who might break this curse Dis has placed upon me.”

I only nodded once and then turned from him, retreating to Reverie’s side. I could not help thinking about his and Adrian’s words. They both believed that a witch might be able to break Dis’s hold on them, but such a spell would come at a great price—likely, a life.

We mounted our horses and left the campsite.

It did not take us long to reach Jola, and when we left the cover of the red sky, I looked up, frowning. The stars I’d expected to see were hidden by heavy clouds and the smell of rain was still thick in the air. Shortly after, it began to pour. I pulled up my hood, though it did little to protect me from the wet or the cold; my fingers were frozen around Reverie’s reins.

We stopped once during our journey, and that was only because one of the rivers that cut through Jola and into Lara had risen due to the rain and was impassable. I was not certain if Jola had a different name for it, but we called it Argis.

I watched the speed of the current, and dread built within me at how close we were to my home. The air felt thick and heavy with the knowledge that when we woke at sunset, we would have to be going into battle.

“It does not seem real that this is how we must return to Lara, with an army behind us and battle before us,” said Killian.

It felt very real to me, though I had never expected my ascension to Lara’s throne to be easy, even before Adrian. Still, I knew what Killian meant.

“I am sure you expected something very different when you set out with my father weeks ago,” I said.