Put Me Back Together(103)

“I’m going to be late,” Ricky said as he got to his feet.

He turned to me, licking his lips again, and I knew this would be the last time we would see each other. There was so much I wanted to say to him. I wanted to warn him not to believe his own lies. I wanted to tell him that I never hated him. I wanted to say goodbye and that I was sorry and that I didn’t blame him. I wanted to tell him how glad I was he’d turned out to be such a nice guy. I wanted to thank him for not hating me.

But he was already walking away.

“Ricky,” I called, and he turned back to look at me. “I hope you have a good life.”

He smiled and the sun caught the gold in his hair. “You, too, Katie,” he said.

As he ran across the field, I followed the fence back to the car and let Lucas engulf me in his arms. The tingles started up in me again, though they were a little muted now.

“How was it?” Lucas asked, and I could tell that even from a distance he’d seen Ricky crying.

“It was awful,” I said, “but it was good. We both had things to say and now that we’ve said them…I don’t know. I thought I needed to give him something, some truth that he deserved, but he already had it. I think he gave me more than I gave him.”

“His forgiveness?” Lucas asked.

“No,” I said. In the end I’d realized I didn’t need Ricky’s forgiveness. The only forgiveness I really needed was my own. “Just the truth, and goodbye.”

“You were brave today,” Lucas said. “I’m proud of you.” He kissed me sweetly on the nose.

“You make me brave,” I replied, kissing him back. “And now I think I just want to put my mind on something else.”

Lucas opened the car door for me and I got in.

“I’m in full agreement with that,” he said, putting both hands on the wheel. “So, where to? My flight back isn’t for a few hours.”

“Oh, we need to drop the car off at my parents’ house,” I said. “I need to pick up a few things, too.” I gave him a mischievous look.

“Pick up some things?” Lucas said. “I’m the one who’s leaving.”

I gave him my best shocked look. “You didn’t think I was going to leave you to face the media hounds without me, did you?” I said as he eased the car out into traffic.

His dimples slowly emerged on his cheeks. “What about your subletter?” he asked.

The plan had been that Lucas would return to Kingston, pack up the few things I wanted for the summer and ship them to me, then hand the keys off to the subletter who would be living in my apartment for the next few months. He also had to pick up Turner.

“I called Mr. Subletter this morning to tell him the bad news. When he realized who I was, I think he was kind of relieved. Who wants to be mobbed by reporters every time you step out of your building?”

“Are you serious about this?” Lucas said, looking from me to the road. “What did your parents say? What about—”

Leaning over quickly, I pressed my fingers to his mouth to stifle his words. Then I moved in close, my lips just next to his ear. “Did you really think I was going to let you go after you made me scream in the shower this morning?” I breathed, feeling his body tense. “I plan on spending the summer making you scream, too, over and over and over…” I let my hand trail down the front of his shirt.

“Jesus, Katie!” Lucas cried as the car swerved and I giggled against his neck. “You’re in for it now,” he growled, making me shriek with laughter.

I knew I should let go and let him drive, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to let go of Lucas ever, and I wasn’t going to. We had the whole summer ahead of us, and who knew what else, and I planned on spending as much of it with him as I could. Being with Lucas was so much better than anything else I’d ever tried. Better than painting. Better than chocolate. Better than ice cream. Actually, Lucas was my new ice cream, and I planned on enjoying every single lick.





Epilogue





Setting down my paintbrush, I take a step back to look at my painting. I’ve been working on it for two weeks in secret because I know that if Lucas catches wind of the fact that I’m painting again he won’t be able to stop himself from sneaking a peek, and I don’t want that. I frown and bite my lip as I gaze at the interplay of light and dark, the texture of the trees just visible in the background, and the figures, one on each end of the canvas. The snow was the hardest to paint by far, and Lucas’s face the easiest. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as our lips parted that night, or the way the furiously falling snow obscured him from view almost immediately as I walked away from him.

In the painting I’ve captured a moment that never happened but should have. Lucas is watching me walk away, and instead of ignoring my heart and leaving him standing there I’m turning back, my head turned toward him as though I know he’s still there on the other side of the wall of snow.

It’s a good effort, considering it’s the first thing I’ve painted in over three months. What I like best is that there’s no sky, just a sea of white. Not a dark cloud in sight.


Leaning forward, I use my smallest brush to paint the title in the bottom-right corner. I’m calling it Firsts.