Pride, Prejudice, and Other Flavors (The Rajes #1)(99)

He slumped into the chair. “We dated for seven years. That’s a very long time.”

Trisha forced herself to not groan, or strangle him with her bare hands. He was bringing up ex-Barbara? Now, when Nisha was home struggling with herself over a baby? “You and Nisha have been married for ten years, that’s even longer!”

“I know. Don’t you think I know that? But why do people believe that everything you ever felt for someone else before you got married disappears when you get married? Yes, you put it away and you move on. But you don’t die. Your ability to feel things for other people does not die. When someone who dumped you looks at you with longing, it . . . it feels like . . . it feels like such a victory. It feels like all the pain, all the humiliation you felt was redeemed.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Bloody hell, I’m a terrible person.”

“Please stop saying that.”

“Saying what?”

“‘Bloody.’ It makes you sound British and . . . never mind. Wait, she looked at you with longing?” How dare she! “You let her look at you with longing?” How dare he!

“Barb wanted to catch up, wanted to meet Mishka. Mishka wanted to go to the National Portrait Gallery. No points for guessing who put that idea in her head.”

Despite the conversation they were having, pride for her niece flooded through her. She’d told Mishka all about the gallery before she left, and she’d remembered. Best niece in the world.

“When Barb heard that Mishka wanted to go, she offered to take us. She knows one of the curators and offered to give Mishka a behind-the-scenes tour. Mishka got so excited. How could I refuse?”

Trisha squeezed her temples. “Why did you come home early?”

“Because I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have gone out to lunch with her. Because she told me she regretted losing me. Because she’s alone and unhappy. And I’m not. Because I realized that Mishka was going to tell her mother and that Nisha wouldn’t see it as a simple thing. She’ll let it break her heart. And I should have thought about that before I went to lunch.” His hands were still in his hair and his grip tightened. “Has she left me?”

“What? No! Why would you think that?”

“Because it’s Nisha and we came home early and, well, it’s Nisha and she wasn’t home.”

At least he knew Nisha. Apparently better than Trisha or even Nisha herself, because he was right. Under remotely normal circumstances Nisha would have had a coming-home dinner laid out, balloons and flowers for Mishka. God knows what kinds of embarrassing homecoming treats for Neel. And they had both forgotten that Neel would notice that she hadn’t done it. Even if she were really traveling for work, she’d have rushed home the moment she heard they were back.

“She’s working, Neel. Now that Yash is running, you know things are going to get crazy for her. She’s been revving up for this for years. There might be some changes coming. The demands on her time are going to increase. You know that, right?”

He lifted his glasses and dabbed his eyes on his sleeve. His hair was standing up in spikes, making him look like the boy who’d slipped her his ladoos at parties, not because he didn’t want them but because he knew how much she loved them. “Does she know?”

“No.” Nisha didn’t know about Barbara yet. “But Mishka telling her is only a matter of time.” She squatted down in front of him. “Call Nisha. She’ll tell you she’s okay. She needs to take care of this, then she’ll come back home.”

Neel looked at his hands.

“You do want her to come home, right?”

His head snapped up. “Of course! How can you ask me that? She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve never doubted it, not even for a minute. I did a stupid thing. I let my ego get stupid. But when I was sitting there at lunch, all I could think about was how she was going to feel when she found out. And I haven’t stopped kicking myself since.”

She reached out and rubbed his arm. “It’s going to be okay. But I have to go. I have patients waiting. Trust me—just call Nisha.”

They both stood.

“Thanks for hearing me out, Shasha.”

She smiled at him. “You know I love you like a brother, right? You and Nisha . . . I knew you two would end up together. I always knew it. Even when you were with . . . with her. Even when you were with Barbara, I knew you’d find your way back to Nisha, that the way she felt couldn’t be one-sided. I’ve seen you two for ten years and I know it isn’t one-sided. But if having that with someone who’s so perfect for you hasn’t been redemption enough for the pain you felt—” She had to take a breath here. “Ten years ago, then maybe I was wrong.”

He took her hand and squeezed it. “You aren’t wrong. I swear. Nisha is everything, you know that. She’s given me everything. Never asked for anything in return. I can’t even articulate how much . . . how much I love her.” His voice cracked on those words and it was the most beautiful thing.

Her sister was bearing all her fear and anxiety alone. It was easy to think it was because she was scared, because she lived in fear of Neel deciding he’d settled for her, but the truth was, she was trying to protect him from the pain of hope and worry, and taking all of it on by herself.