Perfectly Adequate(98)

I slide off her panties, prop up my phone with the light illuminating Violet’s crowning head. “She has a head of dark hair.”

“H-how can you be so fucking CAAALLLMMM?” Her face contorts with another contraction as she pushes.

I know she’s in pain. But my Dorothy has never been so beautiful. “I’m calm because I’m getting ready to deliver our baby. And you are the strongest person I know. So let’s do this. Let’s meet Violet.”

Dorothy opens her eyes, tears running down her cheeks as she nods. “Thank you,” she whispers between contractions on a labored breath.

“For what?”

“For letting me be me. Letting me be enough.”

My own emotions burn my eyes. “You’re welcome.”

“Ouch … it’s coming … it hurts. ELI!”

“Push, Dorothy … you’ve got this.”

She pushes once, twice … and on the third push Violet’s head is out.

“Stop, baby. Take some short breaths. Try not to push. The cord is around her neck.” I feel for the cord, it’s tight but not too tight. “Okay. Give me another big push.”

Dorothy yells and Violet slides out. I unwrap the cord from her neck, and just as the ambulance’s lights illuminate behind us, Violet lets out her first cry. It’s a bit weak with a gurgle, but it’s her first breath, and nothing since Roman taking his first breath has ever sounded so beautiful.

“My baby …” Dorothy reaches for Violet as several people crowd around the vehicle.

I can’t even speak, I’m so fucking over the moon as I hand Dorothy our daughter.

It’s funny how a year can change your world. And it’s amazing how a single breath can take a life, give a life, and sometimes … save a life.

She is my breath of life.

*

Dorothy

Three weeks later …

We brought Violet home from the hospital two days after Eli delivered her in the back of my Q5. I really should have gotten the Q7.

Home … well it’s his house off Skyline Drive. And our weekend home is forty-five minutes away, with a huge yard, a trampoline, and two emus. Gemma travels back and forth with us. And my parents spend more time sitting together on the sofa with me not there as much.

I’m a homebody. A creature of habit. I like the familiar. And Eli respects that. He honors every little quirky thing about my personality. My need for space. My need for expressing my emotions in emojis and sorting them in piles and piles of brightly colored journals.

“Julie is coming over.” Eli frowns as he comes down the stairs from putting Violet down for a nap. He sets the monitor on the coffee table.

“She’s just dropping off Roman. What’s the long face about?” I ask.

We have a great relationship with Dr. Hathaway. And all the guilt I thought I’d feel over Eli giving up having Roman full-time was for nothing. Roman is a thriving young boy because all of us have worked hard to make sure he feels an abundance of love and sense of family.

“She’s moving.” He shakes his head. “We agreed we wouldn’t do this until Roman is older. It’s not a written agreement, but we both voiced it. I heard she was offered a job in New York. New York, Dorothy. That’s too far. That’s too many trips. He’s supposed to start preschool this fall. How can she do this? How can she uproot him like this? There’s no way it’s going to work with every other week. I …” He runs his hands through his messy—and yes—sexy hair.

I feel his anxiety, even if I don’t know what to say. Is he going to ask me to move to New York too, so we’re close to Roman? The idea evokes a nauseating anxiety because I know I’ll say yes. It will kill me to leave my parents, my emus, my comfort zone, but I’ll do it. I’ll do it for Roman. And Eli knows this … he knows my love for Roman is as great as my love for Violet. I don’t see Roman as anything less than my own child. My buddy … my little superhero.

My Romeo.

“So we go.” Yep. Here I go. Avoiding conflict at all cost. “We move to New York.”

“My patients, babe. This isn’t just about Julie, Roman, you, Violet … our families. It’s about my patients.”

I nod, easing out of the recliner and standing in front of him. I just … lean into him. It’s my way of offering a hug. Eli wraps his arms around me.

“Of course … of course you’d say this. I love you so fucking much, Dorothy Mayhem.”

The doorbell rings, and before Eli can answer it, Roman opens the door and runs inside.

“Shh …” Eli preemptively shushes him as he picks him up for a big hug. “Violet is sleeping. How are you, buddy?” He buries his face in Roman’s neck and kisses him over and over.

“Daddy!” He giggles.

Dr. Hathaway—yeah, she’ll always be Dr. Hathaway, Boss Bitch to me—walks in behind Roman and grins at the display of father-son affection.

“Go play quietly in your room while I talk to Mommy.”

“No. Listen, Daddy! We have a surprise.”

Eli holds his finger to his mouth to remind Roman to keep his voice down.

“We have a surprise,” Roman repeats on a whisper, cupping his hands at his mouth.

God … I love this kid.