Perfectly Adequate(78)

That brings a tiny smile to my face, even if he isn’t finding a single shred of happiness.

Because of me.

I take the next bite. The following bite includes the largest chunk of apple, the best bite of the whole slice. Slowly, I move it toward his mouth, hoping he pays attention to my offering, a peace offering of sorts.

He takes the bite, but his emotionless gaze remains affixed to me. Such a waste. I might as well have taken the bite for myself.

My bite.

His bite.

Mine.

His.

Yep, I take the last bite of crust, the one that’s a little crunchy but sweet with a thin sticky layer of apple filling clinging to it. Something tells me Eli wouldn’t appreciate it as much as I do.

With the pie gone, things get awkward again.

Nothing to say.

Nothing to do.

Yet a crippled man remains in my game room with his overnight bag by the door. And I need a shower. And my meds. And I had planned on working a few things out in my journals. But that’s all gone to Hell with the addition of Eli to my Saturday night. He’s about to quickly find out I have no fucking clue how to be a hostess. I don’t study things I never plan on doing, and inviting people to stay at my house is pretty high on my Unnecessary Skills To Learn List.

“Eli—”

“Shh …” He eases his head side to side. Taking the plate from me, he sets it on the arm of the chair and leans forward enough to slide his hand behind my head and pull me forward. We meet in the middle, a breath from our lips touching. “Just tell me you still think you love me too. Nothing else. Just that.”

I know it’s a mistake to fall in love with Dr. Hawkins. I know he’s bad news. Bad for my heart. Bad for my schedule. Bad for my train of thought.

But I do it anyway.

“I think I love you too … still.”

A barely detectable grin breaks through his pain-etched face just before he kisses me.

Well fuck.

This isn’t part of the plan. I’m supposed to step away. Yes, out of the equation. But he does this thing where he cradles my head in his large hands and kisses me with his demanding lips. For a final goodbye kiss, it feels highly inappropriate. Too much tongue for goodbye. And then I moan. Cries, maybe even whimpers, seem more appropriate for a final kiss.

Not moans.

But I do it anyway.

“You can’t choose me,” I say as soon as the kiss ends.

Eli rubs his lips together and nods slowly. “I won’t. I’ll wait for you to choose me.”

“What?” I rear my head back. “I already made my choice. I chose Roman having his parents back together. I chose Roman’s dad not kissing me like he’d rip off my clothes if he could.”

He grins. And if I wasn’t so relieved to see him not looking at me like I took an axe to his heart, I would be upset that he’s not taking things seriously.

“It wouldn’t be in record breaking time, but don’t fool yourself, Mayhem. I could rip your clothes off and locate your G-spot even with only half of my body working. If a resuscitated corpse can have an orgasm, imagine what I could do with two fully functional hands, my mouth, and a headful of dirty thoughts.”

Well … gulp … damn!

“Can you do me a favor?” he asks.

I shrug. Blind promises aren’t my thing.

“Can you let me recover? Can you give me a few meals with you, maybe a couple cups of coffee, maybe a playdate or two with Roman before you make your decision?”

“I told you—”

He kisses me again.

If I didn’t love his mouth on mine so much, I’d be offended that he keeps cutting me off.

“I won’t change my mind,” I say as I pull away.

He kisses my nose and then my forehead. “Then it won’t hurt to wait until I’m recovered. Besides, you can’t dump me right before the holidays. That’s just cruel.”

I roll my eyes.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He smiles.

“Whatever. Clearly you don’t know how my brain works. But … you’ll find out.” I climb to my feet.

Eli grabs my hand and kisses the inside of my wrist. “Clearly you don’t know how my love works. But … you’ll find out.”

“Where did you plan on sleeping when you showed up uninvited and unannounced?”

“Your bed. I let you sleep in mine. You owe me.”

“My bed is smaller.”

“Then you’ll have to let me hold you so neither one of us falls out.”

“If we zip in, that won’t be an issue, but you put off a lot of body heat, so zipping in could get too hot.”

“Zip in? What are you talking about?”

“I’ll just show you.” I pick up his crutches. “You can lean on me too. I’m a lot stronger than I look.”

*

Elijah

Dorothy helps me to her bedroom via the bathroom for a quick piss and teeth brushing. I didn’t get a chance to inspect her room as much during my previous time there.

“It’s not a twin bed.”

“No.” She unzips her bed. Not a sleeping bag. Actual decorative sheets and bedspread, all-in-one thing that goes on like a fitted sheet, but it all zips up. “It’s for people who don’t like to make their beds or lose their covers off the side in the middle of the night,” she explains while helping me into bed.