Park Avenue Player(99)

“I believe she did,” I said.

I reached under the table for his hand. Thankfully, he didn’t resist. He brushed his thumb along mine. It felt bittersweet, since it was the first time we’d touched like this in so long.

I wondered whether Hollis and I could ever get back to the place we’d been before. Would the ever-present mystery of what Bree knew continue to haunt us forever? Would I ever get over witnessing just how deeply he’d loved her, and would he ever get over the fact that I’d been so close to the woman who’d broken his heart? Only time would tell.

But I knew he needed space. He still hadn’t processed much of this. And to a certain extent, neither had I.





Chapter 44




* * *





Hollis




The Monday after the funeral felt nothing like a typical Monday. I’d been up since 4AM. and had already had three cups of coffee, even though I couldn’t stomach breakfast. This would be my first day back at the office, my first day back into a life that was the same on the surface, but otherwise forever changed.

The door opened, and Elodie let herself in. It seemed like business as usual, aside from the massive ache in my chest. I’d missed her like crazy. I just didn’t know how to fall back into the place we were before all of this happened. It somehow didn’t feel right to be celebrating life, to be happy, at a time like this. I didn’t know how to be anything but miserable at the moment.

Normally, I’d be rushing out the door with my stainless to-go coffee mug. But today, I leaned against the counter—in no rush to leave but unsure of what to say.

“How are you?” she asked.

“I’m alright. How are you?”

“I’ve been keeping myself busy. Happy to be here, though.”

“Me too. I’m happy you’re back.”

Elodie glanced over toward Hailey’s room. “She’s still sleeping, I assume?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought maybe she’d be awake and excited to see me.”

“She must not have missed you that much,” I teased.

She grinned hesitantly. “Richard told me what you did. That’s amazing.”

Since Anna’s father had refused to let me pay for her funeral as I’d requested, I donated a large sum of money to start a foundation in her honor for people affected by the same lung disorder.

“It seemed like the logical thing to do.”

“I know she’d be very grateful…and I want you to know I’d be honored if you’d let me help run it.”

“Of course. We need all the help we can get. I’ll add you to the correspondence.”

“Thank you,” she said.

For some reason, at this inopportune moment, a flash of Anna’s smiling face entered my mind. True understanding that she was gone seemed to come in waves, alternating between denial and bursts of harsh reality.

I closed my eyes. “Imagine what it’s like to know you’re going to die—essentially dying a slow death. Imagine the bravery needed to endure that. I still can’t believe she had to live like that for so long.”

I’d managed to not break down throughout the funeral and after, but for some reason, it finally started to happen at this moment—the worst possible time because I didn’t want Elodie to have to see me cry, given the complexity of the situation.

“I’m sorry. I have to go. I’m late,” I said before rushing out the door.

Elodie didn’t have a chance to react.

As soon as I got to the sidewalk below, my first tear fell.

***

“Well, you look like shit.” Addison planted her ass in a chair on the opposite side of my desk.

I tossed the pen in my hand into the air and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Rough morning.”

“Rough few weeks, I’d say. How’s Elodie holding up?”

“Okay…I guess.”

Addison frowned. “You don’t know how she’s holding up?”

“She’s been busy. She spent the last few days doing some stuff for Anna’s family—helping clean out her house and stuff.”

“Why aren’t you right next to her, helping her?”

“She needs some time.”

Addison arched a brow. “She needs some time, or you do?”

“We both do.”

“Why?”

“What the hell do you mean, why? Isn’t it obvious?”

She folded her arms over her chest. “No, it’s not.”

“We both experienced something traumatic. We’re not machines. It takes time to work through that.”

“But you’re a couple. Why aren’t you working through it together?”

I felt fucking lost. I wanted to be there for Elodie. I just didn’t know how. It felt wrong to touch her and hold her—but I didn’t know why.

Addison’s face softened. “If this hadn’t ended the way it did. If you would have just found out Elodie and Anna knew each other, would that have changed anything between you and Elodie?”

I thought about it. Though I felt unsure about how to act around Elodie these days, I was sure about one thing: I loved her. I fucking loved her.