Park Avenue Player(105)

I thought about all the things I’d be missing if I continued to endlessly mourn Anna. I wasn’t guaranteed an infinite amount of time on this Earth myself. No one was. Elodie had been so patient with me. It was time to let myself feel all of the things my soul had been yearning to experience again. My brain had been the one putting a stop to it, and that needed to end.

“I’m more than okay, Kara—more okay than I have been in a long while. Because I’m pretty sure someone very special to me who recently passed away led me to this spot to hear you say what you just did.”

Suddenly, I couldn’t get to Elodie fast enough.

I stood up. “Thank you. Please tell Sean I’ll be back to visit him soon. In fact, I’ll come keep him company when you’re away next weekend.”

“I most certainly will. And that sounds great. He’ll appreciate that.”

The cool fall air hit me as I exited the hospital. It had been raining on the way in, but the sun was now peeking out. I looked up at the sky. There was a rainbow—a rarity over the city.

“Beautiful girl,” I whispered. “There you are.”

I weaved through the crowded streets with my eyes focused on the colorful beams of light. “I get the point now,” I told her. “I heard you loud and clear. I’m gonna start doing this life justice in your honor and enjoying the gift you gave me—Elodie. And I promise to take lots of pictures.”





Chapter 48




* * *





Elodie




I’d never cleaned so much in my life. Hollis’s apartment was spotless because I’d been taking all my nervous energy out on it. It had been a couple of weeks since we’d received Bree’s letters. I knew her intent was to bring us closer, to let us know we had her blessing. Yet for Hollis, it wasn’t that simple. He still needed to come to terms with the fact that everything he’d thought he knew was a lie.

I’d been giving him as much space as I could, but it was frustrating. I missed him. I missed his touch. I missed his attention. Maybe that was selfish, but I did. I felt lonely and wanted him back.

But you can’t force someone to get over something that’s haunting them. They need to do it on their own terms.

Just because I understood his behavior, though, didn’t mean I wasn’t starting to lose patience. The one thing no amount of reflection or time could do was bring Bree back. So why not try to get our lives back?

The door burst open, and I nearly dropped the broom I’d been holding because it scared the shit out of me. Hollis wasn’t due home for another couple of hours, and Hailey had gone to a friend’s house after school for a sleepover.

“What are you doing home?”

“I am finally home.” He was out of breath as he said, “I’m so sorry I’ve been stuck in my head for so long.”

It was as if my Hollis had come out of a coma. He rushed to me and brought me into an embrace.

Thank you, God.

Speaking into his chest, I breathed him in and said, “You don’t need to apologize.”

“Yes, I do. You needed me, and I failed you.” Hollis pressed his lips against mine, and my entire body came alive.

After he kissed me hard, he said, “I’ve missed you so much. I’ve just been afraid to admit it, afraid to feel things I perceived as selfish. Not to mention, I’ve been lying to you for two weeks.”

My heart started to palpitate. Lying? “What do you mean?”

“I haven’t been working in the office. I’ve been wandering the city, eating at every greasy spoon I could find—just doing nothing. I can’t remember the last time I did that. I didn’t want to tell you because I felt like I should’ve asked you to come with me. But I needed to be alone. I needed to not work and just…be.”

Wow. “Where else did you go?”

“Lots of random places. A Yankees game, the park—I played video games with Sean at the hospital, and I visited Anna’s grave. But I finally found the light at the end of the rainbow, so to speak. Today I went to the pediatric oncology ward, and it’s a long story, but something important finally clicked while I was there.”

“What was that?”

“It’s okay to smile in the midst of darkness. It’s okay to be happy—our loved ones want that. I’m not gonna feel sorry anymore for loving you, Elodie. I’m not gonna feel sorry for fucking you hard up against the wall tonight. I’m not gonna feel guilty for any of it.”

Practically leaping into his arms, I wrapped my legs around him as we kissed. It felt incredible to be in Hollis’s arms like this again.

“You’re really back.”

“And I’m not going anywhere ever again. I promise,” he groaned. “I want so badly to slip inside you right now. But it was poor planning on my part. We need to leave.”

“Now? Why?”

“Our ride is going to be here in a few minutes.”

“Our ride? Are we going somewhere?”

“Yes.”

“Why aren’t we taking your car?”

“I think we need a change of pace for tonight.”

I smiled. “Okay.”

When we stepped outside, I was shocked to find a horse and carriage right out front. He remembered what I’d told him about my fantasy date.