Panic(25)

“Someone’s spying on us,” he said.

“Probably my dad.” Nat waved dismissively. “Don’t worry. He’s harmless.”

Dodge wondered what it would be like to have a dad like that—in the house, around, so taken-for-granted you could dismiss him with a wave of the hand. Dayna’s dad, Tom, had actually been married to Dodge’s mom—only for eighteen months, and only because Dodge’s mom got pregnant, but still. Her dad sent emails to her regularly, and money every month, and sometimes even came for a visit.

Dodge had never heard a word from his father, not a single peep. All he knew was his dad worked construction and came from the Dominican Republic. He wondered, for just a split second, what his father was doing now. Maybe he was alive and well, back in Florida. Maybe he’d finally settled down and had a whole host of little kids running around, with dark eyes like Dodge’s, with the same high cheekbones.

Or maybe, even better, he’d taken a big-ass tumble from a tall scaffold and split open his head.

When Bishop and Heather returned in another one of Bishop’s junkers—which rattled and shook so badly, Dodge was sure it would quit on them before they reached the mall—Dodge helped Nat to the back and opened the door for her.

“You’re so sweet, Dodge,” she said, and kissed his cheek, looking almost regretful.

The ride to Kingston was good. Dodge tried to pay Bishop back for the iced coffee, but Bishop waved him off. Heather managed to coax a decent station out of the patchy radio, and they listened to Johnny Cash until Nat begged for something that had been recorded in this century. Nat made Dodge do magic tricks again, and this time she laughed when he made a straw materialize from her hair.

The car smelled like old tobacco and mint, like an old man’s underwear drawer, and the sun came through the windows, and the whole state of New York seemed lit up by a special, interior glow. Dodge felt, for the first time since moving to Carp, for the first time maybe in his life, like he belonged somewhere. He wondered how different the past few years would have been if he had been hanging out with Bishop and Heather, if he’d been dating Nat, picking her up to drive her to the movies on Fridays, dancing with her in the gym at homecoming.

He fought down a wave of sadness. None of it would last. It couldn’t.

Dodge had driven past the Hudson Valley Mall in Kingston but had never gone inside it. The ceiling was fitted with big skylights, which made the spotless linoleum floors seem to glow. The air smelled like body spray and the little bags of potpourri his mom put in her underwear drawer.

But mostly, it smelled like bleach. Everything was white, like a hospital, like the whole building had been dunked in Clorox. It was still pretty early and the crowds were thin. Dodge’s cowboy boots echoed loudly on the ground when he walked, and he hoped Nat wouldn’t find it annoying.

Once inside, Nat consulted a small flyer she had pulled from her bag, and announced that she would meet up with the group in an hour or so, outside the Taco Bell in the food court.

“You’re leaving?” Dodge blurted out.

Nat looked to Heather for help.

Heather jumped in: “Nat has an audition.”

“An audition for what?” Dodge asked. He wished he didn’t sound so upset. Immediately, Nat began to blush.

“You’re going to make fun of me,” she said. His heart practically ripped open. Like he, Dodge Mason, would ever dream of making fun of Natalie Velez.

“I won’t,” he said quietly. Bishop and Heather were already wandering off. Bishop pretended to shove Heather into the fountain. She yelped and walloped him with a fist.

Wordlessly, Nat passed him the flyer. It was badly designed. The font was practically illegible.



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COMMERCIAL AUDITIONS:



11:30 A.M. SATURDAY AT THE HUDSON VALLEY MALL.



MUST BE EIGHTEEN OR OLDER.



“Your birthday’s on the twenty-ninth, right?” Dodge said, hoping he might get extra points for remembering.

“So? That’s only three weeks away,” Nat said, and he remembered she was one of the youngest in their graduating class. He passed her the flyer, and she shoved it back into her bag as though she was embarrassed to have shown him. “I thought I’d try, anyway.”

You’re beautiful, Natalie, he wanted to say to her. But all he could say was, “They’d be morons to take anyone else.”

She smiled so widely, he could see all of her perfect teeth, nestled in her perfect mouth, like small white candies. He was hoping she might kiss his cheek again, but she didn’t.

“It won’t take more than an hour or two,” she said. “Probably less.”

Then she was gone.

Dodge was left in a foul mood. He wandered behind Bishop and Heather for a while, but even though both of them were perfectly nice, it was clear they wanted to be alone. They had their own language, their own jokes. They were constantly touching each other too—pushing and shoving, pinching and hugging, like kids flirting on a playground. Jesus. Dodge didn’t know why they just didn’t get it on already. They were obviously crazy about each other.

He made an excuse about wanting to get something for his sister and wandered outside, smoking three cigarettes in a row in the parking lot, which was beginning to fill up. He checked his phone a few times, hoping Nat had already texted. She hadn’t. He began to feel like an idiot. He had all this money on him. He’d been planning to buy her something. But this wasn’t a date. Was it? What did she want from him? He couldn’t tell.