Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(14)

‘You can try. Not many people do that because they can’t see who’s going to catch them, and it’s a trust issue. Your ass will definitely be grabbed no matter what. Why don’t you crowd-surf so you don’t have to fall?’

I considered it, but knew that wouldn’t be the same. ‘I need to fall,’ I explained. ‘And I can live with the ass-grabbing.’

James wrinkled his forehead in confusion. ‘Why do you want to do it?’

‘Because I can’t breathe,’ I stated flatly. Their eyes steadied on me.

James released a laugh, shaking his head. ‘I don’t get you. Is that why you don’t go out with guys, because you’re –’

‘James!’ Serena scolded, smacking the back of his head with the palm of her hand.

‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ he said defensively. ‘She’s just … different, that’s all. It’s not a bad thing.’ He turned towards me. ‘You know I think you’re cool. But I still don’t get you.’ Serena eyes tightened at his honesty.

‘It’s okay,’ I replied, unaffected. ‘I don’t get me either.’ James grinned.

‘They’re about to let in the masses,’ he reported, his hand covering his earpiece so he could hear better. ‘I need to go. I’ll see you after the show.’ He kissed Serena and walked off towards his post.

‘Are you really going to fall backwards off the stage?’ Serena questioned, her dark eyes scanning mine.

I looked away. ‘Yeah.’ My heart skipped a beat at the thought of it, countering the pain for a split second. I needed to do this, to feel something, anything else.

‘Maybe we should do a few shots,’ she suggested. ‘That way if you hit the floor you won’t feel it.’ She left and approached the bar along the side wall, talked to the girls attending it for a few minutes, and returned with two brimming shot glasses rimmed with sugar and two lemon wedges.

I hadn’t planned on drinking. But in order to get up on that stage –

‘To breathing!’ Serena raised her shot glass to mine. My chest tightened with her words. I clicked her glass and threw back the shot, swallowing it as I’d seen done so many times in my life. I coughed in protest, and my body shuddered. The lemon did a little to cut the distinct vodka bite. My stomach ignited as the alcohol seeped into its walls.

‘Didn’t love that,’ I admitted, puckering my lips at the sourness of the lemon.

‘It gets easier,’ she promised, smiling softly. I had a feeling she wasn’t talking about the shot. ‘Let’s find a good spot in front of the stage before it gets too crowded.’ She leapt up from the couch and pulled me after her.

Serena fed me a few more shots as we listened to the opening act. I kept thinking I was fine, that the alcohol wasn’t really taking effect. But I honestly couldn’t tell.

The headliner took the stage, and the crowd squeezed in around us. We jumped to each song, rocking our heads and pumping our fists in the air. Serena appeared with another shot. I was so lost in the music, I hadn’t even noticed she’d disappeared.

‘This is it, Em!’ she yelled as she held up the shot. ‘It’s now or never!’ We tossed the liquid back easily – I seemed to have acquired a taste for it.

Serena shouted encouragement as I walked towards James. Without a hint of emotion, he nodded his head slightly, letting me know the stage was all mine. My heart thrust to life, and my body buzzed with nerves. He murmured, ‘Good luck’, just before I hopped onto the platform.

I shuffled to the centre of the stage and saw a few people pointing at me out of the corner of my eye. Another bouncer from the opposite side started moving towards me, and I knew I didn’t have much time. If I was going to do this, I had to do it fast. My breath quickened. I could feel the adrenaline pump through me until everything else was gone, and it was all I could feel.

I turned my back to the audience, hoping they had their arms outstretched behind me. The lead singer continued belting out the lyrics. I glanced at him as his eyes twitched curiously. I grinned at him ever so slightly … and I fell back.

My stomach opened up, and I let out an excited yell. Hands gripped, jostled and guided me across the crowd. Music bellowed around me. People hollered beneath me as I passed over them. The lights flew by in a blur of colour. I rode along the turbulent sea of hands until I was gently lowered to my feet. I stood in the spot for a moment, orienting myself as faces flashed before me. The crowd rocked in unison, their energy gliding over my skin like a hot breeze.

I thrust my arm in the air, bellowing out the lyrics while jumping with the crowd. Serena burst through the bodies and screamed, ‘That was so f*cking awesome!’ We leapt side by side until we were drenched in sweat, and there was no more music to keep us on our feet.

We collapsed on our couch as everyone filed out. I had a permanent smile on my face, and all that pulsed through me was elation. The room swirled, and images shifted before my eyes. I blinked heavily, having a hard time holding my head steady.

‘I’m going to find James and get us some water,’ Serena told me. I think I nodded. If I didn’t, I meant to.

A moment later, the couch jostled beside me. I flopped my head to the side and found a lean guy with tightly trimmed deep auburn hair and a chin capped with a buzz of whiskers.