Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(13)

Meg and I started laughing.

‘Well, you definitely made an impression,’ Serena said, laughing alongside us.

‘I can’t believe you did that,’ Peyton scolded. ‘You promised!’

‘Meg promised,’ I countered. ‘Don’t worry, we won’t get your car wet. Do you still have the trash bags in your trunk?’

‘Of course,’ Peyton said, annoyed. ‘I still can’t believe you got us kicked out.’

As we were peeling off our wet jeans and socks to place them in the trash bag, Serena announced, ‘So, good news! Emma never slept with the sleazebag!’

‘What?!’ Meg and Peyton shot out in unison.

‘He passed out before it happened,’ I explained, averting my eyes.

‘I don’t understand,’ Peyton said, shaking her head. ‘How did you not know?’

I looked at her without understanding what she was asking.

‘I mean, couldn’t you feel that you didn’t?’ She sighed. ‘Wow, Em. You’re seriously clueless.’

‘Peyton!’ Meg reprimanded as we entered the car.

‘I’ve only had sex once,’ I defended. ‘I had no idea I was supposed to be sore every time.’

This made them all laugh. ‘Not … sore,’ Serena tried to explain. ‘But you definitely can tell when someone has trespassed.’

‘Serena!’ Meg said, her mouth dropped open. ‘That sounds so … awful.’

‘I get it,’ I stated quietly, not wanting to reflect upon my first time any more than I wanted to think about what I’d almost done with Gev.

‘Oh, by the way, Em – I gave Cole your number,’ Peyton announced. Everyone in the car was suddenly quiet.

‘What the f*ck, Peyton!’





4


Blind Leap


AS MY HANDS SEARCHED BLINDLY UNDER the bed for the shoe I’d been frantically trying to find, I caught a glimpse of a photo half hidden beneath my nightstand. I remained on my knees, staring at his face, unable to touch it.

I’d taken this picture. We were in the woods behind his house. I’d stolen his camera away from him and started to snap pictures of him. He’d always been the one behind the camera, so he was a reluctant subject. He chased after me, trying to get the camera back. The image was a black and white photo of his hand reaching for the camera. But I could see his eyes behind his outstretched fingers. They were grey and translucent on the paper; there was a shine to them, reflecting light. He was smiling. I didn’t have to see the rest of his face to know that.

I love that picture. My heart squeezed tight as his voice whispered to me, reminding me of just how much I missed him.

I hadn’t allowed myself to feel anything since I’d left him in that house. But now I was barraged with more emotion than I could handle. And I was finding it impossible to breathe.

‘Emma, you ready to …’ Serena’s voice faded away.

I forced myself to exhale, to find the strength to look away from the image.

‘Yeah.’ My voice cracked as I stood on unsteady legs. ‘I’m ready.’

Serena studied my face when I turned towards her. Her eyes flicked to the picture on the floor, but she didn’t say anything. I pushed out another breath and stilled the quake of my hands by clenching them into tight fists.

Shoving my foot in my shoe, I tied the laces hastily and said with a forced smile, ‘Let’s go.’ The black hole of emptiness that had protected me all of this time refused to shroud me in its shadows like I needed it to. I couldn’t shut everything off any more.

The contemplative look in Serena’s eyes disappeared with a blink. Her face lit up with a wide smile. ‘Okay, c’mon!’

When we arrived at the club, there was already a line of eager fans forming along the sidewalk.

‘Hey, Guy,’ Serena greeted the bouncer with bright eyes. He stood without expression in front of the entrance, his muscles heaving beneath a shirt that looked like it was about to burst. He was primed for ass-kicking.

‘Serena,’ he acknowledged and stepped to the side to allow us to enter. There were groans behind us as we slipped though the front doors.

Serena liked to arrive early to watch the last-minute bustling as the club prepared for the show. She also wanted to see James before he had to take his post in front of the stage.

He found us at our usual spot, seated on the crushed velvet couch on the second level. He sat between us and leaned into the crook of Serena’s arm after he kissed her hello.

‘James, will you let Emma stage dive tonight?’ Serena asked, stroking his smooth-shaven head affectionately.

‘You really want to stage dive?’ he asked me with a sceptical crooked grin. ‘Girls usually get groped when they do that. It’s not pretty. And then I may have to f*ck the douchebags up.’

‘Maybe not then,’ I replied. Desperate to try anything that would allow me to breathe again, I hadn’t considered the groping part of stage diving. I figured adrenaline was a better choice than alcohol. If I couldn’t be numb, I could at least get my heart pumping to temporarily dull the pain. But having strangers fondle me didn’t sound very appealing. I slumped back into the couch.

‘What if she falls backwards?’ Serena suggested. I jerked my head up at this option.