Our Kind of Cruelty(84)

‘Oh right, so we’re back here. Back to not believing the words which come out of a woman’s mouth because they always mean the opposite.’

‘Objection,’ Xander said. ‘Mr Hayes has never claimed to be talking for all women.’

‘Sustained,’ said Justice Smithson. ‘Ms Gardner, your point?’

‘My point, my lord,’ said Petra, walking towards me, ‘is that you, Mr Hayes, seem to have established this narrative in which you know Verity better even than she knows herself. Only you know what is best for her or how she should live. Only you understand what she means. Only you hear the things she doesn’t say and convince yourself that she has spoken.’

‘No, you don’t understand.’ The desire to cause Petra physical harm raged inside me.

‘And when she broke away from this and was happy in a life which had nothing to do with you, you couldn’t bear it and killed Mr Metcalf in a fit of jealousy and rage, in the way you had been conditioned to behave since childhood.’

‘That is not true.’ I could feel the sweat dripping from my brow and the tension in my shoulders which would result in a mean headache.

‘But it is also not true that Mrs Metcalf wanted to be with you or end her marriage, is it? And it is certainly not true that she ever asked you to help her get rid of Mr Metcalf.’

‘You don’t understand,’ I said again and I felt our truth slipping away from me.

‘Your childhood sounds terrible,’ Petra said. ‘Do you hate your mother, Mr Hayes?’

I thought of the woman in my waste-paper basket. ‘No.’

‘But you refuse to see her?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why is that?’

‘Because there’s no point.’

‘Did you read the article in the Mirror in which she appeared very contrite and begged to see you?’

It felt like the walls were closing in and I didn’t know where we were going. ‘Yes?’

‘So why not see her now then?’

‘Because she doesn’t mean it.’

Petra spun to the jury. ‘There. Another woman who says one thing and means another.’

‘I didn’t mean …’ I started to say, but Xander shushed me with his hand.

‘I don’t think you trust women,’ Petra said, turning back to me. ‘Or men for that matter. I think you have constructed your own internal world because that is the only place you feel safe.’

‘Objection,’ Xander said. ‘I didn’t realise Ms Gardner was a psychologist.’

‘You might do well to save those types of remarks for your closing statement, Ms Gardner,’ Justice Smithson said.

‘Sorry, my lord,’ Petra said. ‘You’re right. Because of course Mr Hayes is too deeply involved in this fantasy to ever admit to any of it.’ She walked over to where I was standing until she was so close I could see her make-up creased in the lines round her eyes and smell her synthetic floral stench. ‘I don’t even believe you love Mrs Metcalf,’ she said, her eyes locked on me.

‘Of course I love her,’ I shouted, the sound deafening in the silent court.

Petra turned her back on me and I wanted to vault the witness box and push her to the ground. ‘No,’ she said finally. ‘You’re in love with the idea of being in love. You can’t love someone and put them through what you’ve made Mrs Metcalf endure.’

‘But you don’t understand,’ I said, and even though I stopped myself shouting there was a tremor in my voice. ‘You have no idea.’

‘What, because I’m a woman?’ Petra said as she turned back to face me again.

‘No, because you’re not me or Verity.’

‘I would just ask you to do the decent thing and tell the truth about Mrs Metcalf,’ she said, looking directly into my eyes. ‘If you love her like you say you do then for God’s sake let her go and admit that you’re lying about her involvement in her husband’s murder. Lying about what she feels for you. Lying, in fact, about your whole relationship, which exists only inside your own head.’

I held her gaze, her stupid cow-like brown eyes. I shook my head. ‘No,’ I said. ‘I stand by everything I have said. Verity and I are very much in love. We didn’t want Angus to die, but there was no way we weren’t going to be together.’

Petra shook her head and turned away. ‘No further questions, my lord.’

Xander leant over his table as he asked the first question. ‘How did you feel when Mrs Metcalf ended the relationship last Christmas?’

‘Shocked and saddened. But I also understood. I had betrayed her massively and I knew I had to pay for what I’d done.’

‘That’s an interesting phrase. Pay for what you’d done. Is that what Verity said to you?’

‘No, but I know the rules.’

Xander raised an eyebrow. ‘What rules?’

It felt like there was too much to say and not enough time. You see I knew, V, that you were the only person in the room who would understand what I was talking about and, at that moment, I felt nothing but contempt for everyone else. How boring, I thought, not to be us. ‘Our rules. The rules we live by.’

‘Is that why you stopped contacting Mrs Metcalf in February after you returned to New York?’