Only Mine (Honey Mountain #5)(84)

Well, they didn’t know where Wolf was.

They knew he was on a mission and that it was dangerous.

But I knew where he was. I knew what he was doing.

Duke had tried every tactic in the book to get me to talk, and honestly, I’d almost spilled the beans a few times because a part of me worried that my keeping quiet could cost Wolf his life.

But the other part of me, the part of me that knew this man so well, knew that he’d want me to respect his oath.

So, I’d refused to speak.

And I’d carried that weight with me for six long days before we’d heard anything.

And now I was angrier than ever that he was okay and hadn’t even bothered to pick up the phone and call anyone.

The bastard.

It was easier to hate Wolf Wayburn than to love him.

But I didn’t know how to stop loving him.

I’d gone my whole damn life without loving anyone but my family, and now I’d fallen in love with a man that was making me insane, and I couldn’t stop.

My father and I had driven back to Honey Mountain for the weekend yesterday. He thought being home would do me some good.

But it had been more of the same misery, just with different scenery.

Sabine and Seb and I had been texting multiple times a day.

We’d all check on one another.

Natalie phoned me daily, even though I’d told her that Wolf had ended things with me the day that he left. She didn’t seem deterred. She told me I was an important part of her son’s life, which made me an important part of her life.

I sat on my bed in my guest cottage at Everly and Hawk’s place, wearing my long underwear and a heavy sweater because it was so freaking cold outside, and I couldn’t shake this sadness that had consumed me in a way that was so unfamiliar I didn’t know how to pivot.

The last time that I felt a deep sadness in my life was when my mother passed. It was this heavy weight that sat on my chest for such a long time. An emptiness that couldn’t be filled. But time had healed my wounds slowly—not completely—but I didn’t wake up feeling that weight of it every day anymore. And I’d made a conscious effort not to ever go there again if I could control it. I already loved my dad and my sisters and their kids and their husbands, and I couldn’t change that. But I was careful who I gave a piece of my heart to. I always had been.

But I’d let my guard down with Wolf.

I remembered one of the last conversations I’d had with my mama before her body couldn’t fight the cancer any longer. My sisters were all crying as we sat around her bed in our living room. Vivian had sobbed that she wouldn’t be at our graduations or at our weddings and all that hoopla. Everly had yelled at her for saying it and making our mom feel bad. Charlotte had cried because they were fighting. Ashlan was too young to understand what was happening, and she just sat there crying because she was scared.

But I didn’t cry that day.

And that’s the day that our mother decided who would be the maid of honor for each of us at our weddings, and I think it was her way of being there before everyone even walked down the aisle.

When they’d all left the room and it was just me and my mother there, she asked me why that hadn’t made me sad. I remember the conversation so clearly; it felt like it had happened yesterday.

“You know it’s okay to be sad, right? This isn’t fair, and you’re allowed to be angry and sad and confused and all those things. But don’t hold that all in, okay? Will you promise me that?”

“Yes. But that’s not why it didn’t bother me.”

“What is it, then?”

“I’m never getting married, Mama. I don’t need a man to rescue me. I’m going to change the world all by myself.”

She chuckled. Her lips were dry, and her hand was limp when it covered mine. “Oh, no doubt about it. You certainly will. But don’t run from love, okay? You have such a big heart, my Dilly girl. And one day, someone is going to come into your life, and you’ll just know. You’ll know that’s your person.” Her voice was weak.

“Well, they’ll have to find me because I won’t be looking.”

She smiled. Her skin was so pale she was barely recognizable. “They will. Trust me.”

“Well, you were right, Mama. He found me. He stomped on my heart. And then he fled the country. I sure can pick ‘em, right?” I said to no one, but I did this often with my mother. I’d always felt her presence.

There was a knock on my door, and I startled before moving to my feet and padding through the tiny guest house to the door. Everly stood on the other side, wearing a white snowsuit with fur all around the hood. She had on a white beanie, and her dark hair hung down to her shoulders.

“Hey. Where are you going?” I glanced outside to see the snow coming down again. We had gotten a few feet of snow this week, and Honey Mountain looked like a winter wonderland.

“Hawk’s parents are watching Jackson so we can hit the slopes. Come with us?”

I shook my head. “I’m not feeling it today.”

“Dylan, listen to me. Hawk has been working so much with all the games they’ve had. He wants to ski, but I’m so freaking tired between work and the baby. I have my Kindle hidden in my coat, and I’d love to sneak away and drink hot chocolate and read Ash’s new book. But you know how Hawk is. He wants to be challenged on the mountain, and I—” She shrugged.