One of the Girls(73)
She was smiling as she remembered how Sam would arrange the games on their coffee table, a second stool pulled close to house retro snacks: cheese and pineapple on sticks, Frazzles, Bombay mix. He wasn’t a man for olives and hummus – and yet Eleanor, for all the joy good food gave her – relished the synthetic hit of a Frazzle, the way it melted and clung to your tongue. Other couples enjoyed going out for dinner, hosting kitchen suppers, watching live theatre, but they liked games and snacks. And that was precisely what she missed about Sam – how he made the ordinary feel extraordinary.
She lay in the boat, feeling it rock beneath her, knowing there was a bottle of vodka to drink, a thousand memories to lose herself in. The warm glow of the beach fire had slipped from view altogether, so now it was only her and the sea.
65
Bella
Bella reached into the cooler, her dress clinging to her damp, salt-licked skin. She pulled out the first thing she found: a bottle of ouzo. She untwisted the cap and pressed it to her lips. The hot, menthol hit of aniseed washed down her throat. Yep, much better.
She tucked the bottle under her arm and weaved towards the beach fire, where Lexi was sitting with Ana. Always Ana. She was like Lexi’s bloody shadow. She was wearing a striking red dress, braids loose over her shoulders. She had some nerve to be here when Bella knew her sordid little secret.
Bella flopped down on Lexi’s other side, grinding the base of the bottle into the tiny pebbles. Her hair hung wetly at her back, seeping into her dress. She shivered.
‘You’re freezing,’ Lexi said, unwinding the red wrap from her shoulders and draping it around Bella.
‘Thank you,’ she said, pulling the soft fabric close to her skin, breathing in the scent of Lexi’s perfume. She scanned the dark beach, lit by flame and moon. ‘Where’s Fen?’
‘Not sure. Perhaps she’s gone back to the villa?’ Lexi suggested.
Bella looked up at the jagged cliff line, the villa crouching in darkness at the crown. A few lanterns flickered across the terrace, but no lights were on inside those cold stone walls. Had Fen already gone to bed? Would they still sleep on the same double bed tonight, curled at their separate edges? A heavy feeling of gloom spread through her middle.
‘What was that with Robyn a moment ago?’ Lexi asked, glancing over her shoulder in the direction that Robyn had left.
Bella shrugged. ‘Just being her usual uptight, prissy little self.’
‘Don’t say that.’
Ah. Sober, she remembered. Normally Lexi would’ve laughed, wouldn’t she? ‘She is though.’
Lexi sighed as if Bella were an exhausting child that she didn’t have the energy to admonish.
‘Don’t tell me you’re pissed off with me, too?’
‘I’m not pissed off with anyone. I just want to keep the vibe easy.’
‘As opposed to what? My vibe?’ When did Lexi even start using the word vibe, for God’s sake?
Ana reached for a piece of driftwood and fed it to the clamouring flames. Bella glared at her. How brazen to be sitting beside Lexi, pretending to be her friend, when Bella knew the truth. She shook her head, disgusted. Reached for the ouzo.
‘Maybe you should slow it down.’
Bella arched a brow. ‘The Lexi I used to know would be fetching us both more drinks.’
She sighed. ‘I’m tired of hearing about this Lexi you used to know. You’re always holding me to account. It’s like you’ll only accept one version of me.’
‘I liked the old version better.’ Bella didn’t know why she was behaving like this. She was aware of Ana gazing studiously into the flames.
‘Well, I’m sorry, but I grew up,’ Lexi said, hugging her knees to her chest. ‘Who I was in my twenties isn’t who I am right now. And who I am right now probably isn’t going to be who I am next year, or even next month. I don’t have to be one thing the whole time. Right now, I’m someone who is engaged, pregnant, sober – and I like all those parts.’ She faced Bella. ‘I want you to be happy for me.’
‘I am! I’m your best friend, of course I’m happy for you! I care about you, more than anyone.’
Across the fire, Ana rolled her eyes.
The gesture caught Bella like a flame. She leaned forward. ‘What the fuck was that?’ Her whole body was thrumming with tension, her mind jittering. She could feel the racing beat of her heart – needed that energy and anger to go somewhere.
Ana’s voice was calm. ‘Other people care about Lexi, too.’
‘You?’ Bella laughed, the sound sharp as a knife. ‘What a joke!’
Lexi’s head snapped around. ‘Bella!’ She took a breath, as if consciously trying to remain calm in the face of Bella’s childishness. ‘I know you’re hurting because of Fen, but please, don’t take it out on everybody else.’
‘You don’t even know Ana!’
‘Right now, it feels like it’s you I don’t know.’
She felt the blow in her middle. Her gaze swung like a metal hammer towards Ana. She was sitting there, so calmly, so regally, pretending to be this grounding influence in Lexi’s life – when everything about her was a lie!
‘Ana’s not who you think she is,’ Bella said to Lexi, her tone lethal.