Objective (Bloodlines #2)(47)

PART II





“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”- Rumi


Cane



“Did you really think we could play Where’s Waldo forever, Cy?” I laugh cynically. I see the realization of my name choice register on her face. It’s a bad sign and she knows it. I rip the bandana from her mouth. “I’ve been killing you since the day we met. You were always better than me, Cy, you came from a different world. I should have never let you see my world.” My voice trails off as I finish, dragging a hand down over my face in frustration. “You think I'm a scumbag, right?” I say hoarsely. God, her eyes. How could I ever think I’d be able to look into those eyes and inflict torture? I’m so angry. So hurt, but still, I care for her.

“I’m not here to judge you,” she answers softly.

“What am I supposed to do, Mags?” I plead. I can see it in her eyes, her love for me, devotion. It tears me apart from the inside out.

“Are you afraid, Cy?” She could pretend she wasn’t but that wouldn’t help. I see the choice - she shoots for honesty.

“Yes, I’m afraid.” Her voice shakes.

“Of me?” She nods, keeping her eyes focused on the wall to the left.

“Why are you afraid of me, Cy?” I ask, my voice making a strangled sound.

“Because you’re here to kill me.” My hand snaps out to her chin and lifts it until her eyes meet mine. I am. She’s right. I was sent to kill her. I have a job to do. But her face, her scent, her voice – they’ve f*cked with my head to the point that I don’t know how to do what I’m supposed to now.

“Is that what you really think?” I whisper.

“What am I supposed to think?” she answers, wide-eyed.

“Cypress,” I seethe.

“It’s Magnolia now. Why are you doing this?” I avert my eyes. I don’t want to see her face. It wrecks me on so many levels.

“After what you did to me I’m not sure you get to ask questions,” I grind out.

“Yet, here I am, asking,” she replies with snark.

“You always did say whatever was on your mind.” I smirk but it fades quickly. “Cy, no one knows what it’s like to fall in love with the wrong person more than I do.” I can see my words cut through her walls and it shreds my heart to hurt her like this. “I thought you might feel like you owed me.”

“Owed you?!” she screeches.

“Mags,” I start.

“I thought I accidentally killed my soul mate. Please God, tell me how you can possibly trump that!” she shrieks. What did she just say? She accidentally killed her soul mate? Her expression is guilt-ridden. Filled with sorrow and hurt.

“I thought you meant to shoot Ezra. I thought you meant to take the money. I thought you meant to leave me...and then...I thought you didn’t give a shit that you left me for dead. You just moved on. Disappeared.” FUCK, I feel so torn. What is the truth? She seems stunned and it makes me question everything Ezra’s told me.

“It doesn't matter now. I thought that part of my life was over,” she laments.

“How can you say that?!” I slam my fists down on the mattress on either side of her. She waits, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, until she thinks I’m calmer. She was always doing that. Waiting on me to change, to calm down, to be reasonable enough that she could get through to me.

“Because the moment I saw you, alive, it dawned on me - I finally realized that despite the shitty way everything ended, you were it for me, Cane. I’ve never felt that way about anyone before...or since. I don’t want to ruin you more than I already have, by manipulating you into something that might be bad for you. Just take me back to Ezra. I couldn't bear it if you ended up hurt or worse, because of me, again.” Her words shock me. I’ve just violated her in ways that would make most women shut down and she’s being complacent out of concern for me?

“It was the same for me,” I whisper, not meeting her eyes. “I loved you so damned much, Mags. You own me. Even now. Even after all the shit.” I admit.

“I get it, Cane. But don’t think that just because I understand, I care.” She exhales. What? Who is this hard cynical woman? Magnolia, my Magnolia was all beauty. She was all heart. What have I done? Have I really broken an amazing woman? Have I done this?

“Salvation is a choice. You have to choose to go there,” I say surprising myself.

“Did you choose it, Cane? Because if you’re what salvation looks like, I don’t want any part of it. You look as lifeless and empty as I feel,” she spits, and glares at me. "It's one thing for someone you wronged to forgive you; it's a completely different game trying to forgive yourself," she says looking defeated.

“I loved you, Mags. LOVED you! I had to live knowing that you went on living even though you thought I was dead. Knowing that you tried to kill my uncle, knowing that instead you shot me and left me for dead. All this time...” I rant, “…all this time you went on living your life thinking you killed me. You should look lifeless and empty. I didn’t betray you!” I bark. She betrayed me in the worst way possible. Or did she?

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Cane. Why? Why would I have done that? I had you. I had everything I needed with you! It was always enough for me just having you!” she wails at me. “THINK, goddamnit! I had no motive! If I meant to kill Ezra and leave you, how would I have taken the money? You wouldn’t have been home!” she screams.