Neat (Becker Brothers, #2)(74)

But she had hurt me.

And I didn’t know if the intention not to even mattered anymore.

She had her hands tied. That, I could understand. She was out of college, without a job and without a home, and her father gave her the opportunity to have an art studio of her own, a home above it, a place and a purpose. Could I have said no, had that same opportunity been presented to me — even if the strings attached to it were sticky and dirty and suffocating?

I sighed, readjusting the pillow behind my back on the couch. Jordan, Mikey, and I were taking turns playing Madden while Mom cleaned up in the kitchen. Pie would be served soon, and then I could make an excuse to leave and finally be alone.

“You sound like a bull with all that huffing and puffing you’ve been doing,” Jordan said, keeping his eyes on the screen where he was currently making an offensive running play against Mikey. Mikey’s defensive end took the running back down easily, and the screens popped up for each of them to select their next formation and play.

“My back is aching,” I lied. “Just trying to get comfortable.”

“You know you can cut the bullshit anytime, right?” He hiked the ball. “I think we’re all tired of pretending like last night didn’t happen.”

“I’m not pretending anything. I just don’t feel like talking about it.”

“Why? Because you’re too big and bad for feelings?” His tongue jutted out as he pressed the buttons that sent the ball flying out of the quarterback’s hands and down the field to a wide receiver. It was caught, and he ran it all the way to the ten-yard line.

“Bullshit,” Mikey mumbled. “You’re not getting into that end zone, brother.”

“We’ll see,” Jordan replied with a smirk as they picked their next plays.

“No,” I said, answering his assessment. “Because I already know what you guys will say, and I don’t want to hear it.”

“Oh, you hear that, Mikey? Logan’s a mindreader now. Knows what we’ll say before we do.”

“Should sign him up for the circus,” Mikey chimed.

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, like you’re both not waiting for the chance to say you told me so, that Mallory is a Scooter and I should have known better? That I should have kept my distance?”

Jordan paused the game, and he and Mikey both turned, confusion on their faces. “What are you talking about?”

The color drained from my face. I realized then that the only person I’d told about my interest in Mallory — past the fact that she worked with me, anyway — was Mom.

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“I was thinking about the fact that the promotion rightfully owed to you was given to a Scooter, yes, but it doesn’t reflect on you,” Jordan said, one eyebrow lifted. “This was on them. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.”

“He’s talking about the fact that he’s in love with Mallory and feels like a sucker now that he realizes she was taking his job all along.”

Jordan’s attention snapped to my youngest brother, and I gritted my teeth, hands fisting at my sides.

“I’m not in love with her.” Again, a lie.

“Wait,” Jordan said, pointing at Mikey when he looked back at me. “What does he know that I don’t?” He narrowed his eyes, pointing his finger at me this time. “Have you been hooking up with Mallory Scooter?”

I sniffed, crossing my arms over my chest without an answer.

Jordan let out a bark of a laugh, eyes wide. “Wow.”

“She’s not what you think she is,” I defended.

“Clearly.”

“She’s not. She hates her father almost as much as we do. She knows the shitty things he’s done, and she’s spent her whole life trying to get away from that legacy.”

“Well, obviously, she’s doing a fine job of that.”

“She didn’t know he was going to do this,” I growled.

“Then why are you so upset?” Jordan threw back. “If Mallory is so innocent, and you’re so in love, then why are you moping around like someone rearranged the books on your bookshelf?”

“Because everything I was afraid of losing I lost in a matter of minutes!” I stood, glaring down at my brothers on the floor. “Because that job was the only chance I had of doing my part to keep the Becker name alive in that distillery. Because they’re trying to wash Dad out of their history altogether, and it’s working. Because I can’t do anything about it. And yes, because for the first time in my fucking life, I thought maybe I could have what Mom and Dad did, that I could be with a woman who understood me, who challenged me, who made my life better instead of just making me roll my eyes at all the fucking town gossip that most girls in Stratford are obsessed with. She was different, and for the first time since Dad died, I was actually fucking happy.” I didn’t even bother hiding the tears that flooded my eyes, because with my brothers, I was never afraid to cry. “All I do, all I’ve ever done is try to keep the peace. I need steadiness — routine and dependability. And right now, I don’t have any of that. Right now, I’m on a piece of fucking driftwood in the middle of the ocean without a paddle or a prayer in hell of finding land again.” I swallowed, holding my chin high, though every part of me was trembling. “That’s why I’m upset. Are you fucking happy now?”