My Maddie (Hades Hangmen #8)(79)

“Maddie… help,” I pleaded, but Maddie wasn’t here. We were alone in the cellar. Maddie had died. Maddie had cut her wrists because I’d touched her. “NO!” I screamed when I remembered Maddie on the bed. She’d died after I’d held her hand. My vision blurred. “I can’t do it without you, Maddie. I can’t live without you.” But Maddie was gone. He’d put Beatrix in the cellar with me.

Her skin was hot. Too hot. The flames… the flames… I felt the flames grow hotter in my blood. Beatrix’s skin got hotter and hotter. Then her breathing shallowed. She stared at me the whole time. “No,” I whispered as she started taking strange breaths. “One,” I whispered, trying to keep her breathing, desperately trying not to burn her with my touch.

“Two.” Her breathing got slower and slower, sweat built on her skin. I held her closer. Beatrix, my Beatrix. “No, Please,” I said, then her chest raised again. “Three,” I announced and kept on counting. She couldn’t die. She couldn’t die too. “Four… five… six… seven… eight… nine… ten…” Beatrix went still, then raised her chest again, but her breathing sounded different—it rattled. “Eleven…” I whispered and drops of water from my eyes landed on her hot body.

Then she didn’t move. Her eyes glazed over. She went completely still. No, no, no! “Twelve,” I said, urging her to breathe. But she didn’t breathe again. “Twelve… twelve…” I begged. But her body didn’t move. Her eyes didn’t blink. Her skin began to cool. The flames had taken her, just like they’d taken Maddie. “Beatrix,” I said, but she didn’t cry, she didn’t move. She went cold, but I kept her in my arms.

Her face was perfect, just like Maddie’s. Maddie would kiss her forehead. So I kissed her forehead. “Don’t leave me too,” I pleaded, but her eyes didn’t move. “Don’t go away too,” I begged. But she didn’t cry again. I pulled her to my chest and held her like I’d watched Maddie hold her. I tried to keep her warm, but as hours passed, she got colder and colder. She’d gone. Maddie had gone. Isaiah had gone. They all left me. I hurt them and they left me. Poppa told me they all would, that no one would ever love me, that I was evil…

I lay down, holding Beatrix in my arms. I wanted to go too. I wanted the flames to take me away too. I wanted to be with Maddie and Beatrix. I wanted to be wherever they were… I couldn’t live without them… I couldn’t live without them…

My eyes snapped open and I jumped from the bed. My legs were weak. I held the wall, trying to breathe, trying to fucking breathe!

“Flame?” I heard Maddie’s voice. In my head I saw Maddie dead on the bed, blood poured from her wrists like mama… Maddie had died… I lifted my head and Maddie was holding Beatrix in her arms. Beatrix was crying. She was crying. The sound hurt my ears. She was hurt. Something was wrong with her.

“Why is she crying?” I asked as Maddie held her close to her chest.

“She is okay, Flame. She had a dirty diaper. And now she is hungry. I am going to feed her.” Maddie shifted Beatrix on her chest and then held out her hand. I shook my head. I didn’t want to touch her. “Come, baby. Sit with us while I feed her.” Maddie smiled, and I felt a fucking crack in my chest. My head was still leaning against the wall. I saw tears fill Maddie’s eyes. She was hurting. I didn’t want her to hurt. “Spend time with us,” she begged. Her voice cracked. It sounded weak.

“I… I have church,” I said. I took my leathers from the chair and pulled them on. I pulled on my cut.

Maddie didn’t move. “Shh,” she whispered to Beatrix. “I think she looks like you,” Maddie said. She turned Beatrix’s face toward me. I dropped my eyes. I couldn’t see her face. In my dream she stopped breathing. She stopped blinking… I killed her. I hurt her.

“I have to go,” I insisted, and walked toward the living room.

“We love you,” Maddie said as I passed. I stopped, feeling as if someone had just taken a battering ram to my fucking stomach.

“I love you too,” I replied, then opened the door to our living room. Ash was coming out of his room.

“Ready?” he asked. I nodded and pushed out of the door to go outside. I jumped on my bike and roared the fucking engine to life. The loud sound blocked out Beatrix’s crying.

“Shit!” Viking said, getting on his bike beside me. “My little princess has got a fucking set of lungs on her.” He smiled. “Takes after her favorite uncle, huh?” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

I pulled out of the clearing, fucking burning gravel toward the compound. The wind smacked my face as I rode. But all I could see was Maddie on the bed, and Beatrix in my arms. I didn’t wanna hurt them. I didn’t fucking wanna hurt them. My veins throbbed and my skin itched. I wanted to cut them. I wanted to fucking cut them open and find some fucking release.

But … it did not burn… My mama’s voice spoke to my head. What if the flames were not devil-cursed, but instead were beacons of good… Maddie spoke next. I pulled my bike to a stop and ran my fingers over my wrist.

“You good?” AK stopped beside me. He was looking at my wrist. I nodded and got off my bike. I followed Viking and AK into the new clubhouse. It smelled of new wood and paint. I could feel Ash at my back. We walked into church and I sat down. I pressed my hands into my eyes, but all I saw was Beatrix, dead in my arms. What if I killed her? What if I held Beatrix and killed her? Maddie would never forgive me. She loved her.