My Maddie (Hades Hangmen #8)(25)

Maddie took hold of my hand and tried to put it on her stomach. I ripped my hand away. “No!” My lungs squeezed tight. My heart beat too fucking fast. I couldn’t touch her stomach. I couldn’t ever touch the baby.

“Flame…” Maddie whispered. “I am scared too.” My eyes flicked to hers as her voice sounded strange. Cracked. “You are not alone in that. But with you by my side, I am strong. Ever since I met you, I have found a strength in me I never believed possible.” I closed my eyes. She made me stronger too. I couldn’t live without her.

“Touch me, Flame. Do not pull away.” Maddie leaned in. “Kiss me. I need you to kiss me.” I wanted to. My eyes flicked to her stomach, but Maddie leaned in again until she was all I could see. Her green eyes were huge. She was so fucking beautiful. The flames in my blood were too hot, too fucking strong, but I gritted my teeth and pushed past the pain. I kissed Maddie on the lips. I growled when the demons inside me told me to pull away. But she was mine. I couldn’t lose her. And I wanted to kiss her. Her kisses made everything better.

“Come,” Maddie said, pulling back to release my hand. “Let us go inside.” I jumped out of the truck and hurried to the passenger side door. Maddie smiled her usual smile when I opened her door and lifted her from the truck. I fucking loved that smile. That smile made it so I could breathe.

As we entered the clubhouse, kids were everywhere. The door shut behind us. We were trapped. Maddie began to pull us forward toward her sisters when a baby started screaming. It was like a knife to my fucking skull. The baby screamed again. I shut my eyes as the sound echoed round my head. I was in darkness. The dirt was beneath me, around me. And he was beside me, red and screaming… he wanted me to pick him up, but I couldn’t pick him up. I had just killed mama with my touch. I didn’t wanna hurt him too… but he kept screaming, kept crying… I didn’t know what to do. He was all I had. My baby brother…

“You are safe here.” Maddie’s voice cut through the darkness. When I opened my eyes, she was in front of me. “Azrael is not hurt, he is just a baby crying for his mama because he is hungry.” I looked to Lilah who was walking away with Azrael. “He is safe. See? All the babies here are safe and happy. No one is hurting them.” I nodded, but I felt like I was coming out of my skin—my veins, and blood, and bones all trying to crawl out of my body, to get the fuck away. I was hot. I felt too fucking hot, and I couldn’t stand still. “Let us sit down.”

I gripped Maddie’s hand and sat down at a table. I pulled her onto my lap when she tried to sit on the seat beside me. I was keeping her close, real close. I kept my hands away from her stomach. She said I wouldn’t hurt her, but I knew I better. I had to protect her. Maddie leaned in, laying her head on my shoulder when I struggled to sit still. I breathed in her scent. I wrapped my hand in her hair and let her calm me. Maddie started talking to Mae. When she spoke, the sound vibrated from her back against my chest. When she laughed, my fucking lungs stopped being so damn tight and allowed in air. I had to keep her here. If she stayed with me, I wouldn’t hurt any of the babies with my flames.

Viking and AK pulled chairs round the table beside us. Rudge, Hush, Cowboy, Tanner, Tank, Bull and Styx came next. Beau was there too. He was the new prospect. He was patched in last week along with Samson and Solomon. They weren’t prospects like Ash or Zane. Styx had given Beau, Solomon and Samson more responsibilities. They were allowed to take part in church. They didn’t have to do any of the grunt shit.

Beau sat next to Tanner. Tanner said something to him, and Beau smirked. I watched them. They were brothers. Samson and Solomon sat down next. They were brothers too, twins. Samson said something, I didn’t hear what, and Solomon laughed. Brothers. Beau and Tanner. Solomon and Samson. They were brothers. Was that how brothers were meant to be?

I didn’t ever laugh with Ash. He didn’t laugh with me. Looking just like someone we both knew, brother… You gonna hit me, Josiah? I heard Ash’s voice in my head. He said I was like my poppa. I didn’t think I was like my poppa. But he thought I was. I didn’t want to be. Poppa hurt my mama. He hurt me and Ash and Isaiah.

Maddie turned her head to look at me. Her eyebrows were pulled down. That meant she was worried. She placed her mouth at my ear. “You are fine, baby. I love you.” I love you… I held onto her tighter. I froze when I suddenly wondered if my poppa had flames in his blood too. If that was why he was always angry, why he hurt everyone.

Solomon and Samson laughed again, Samson holding onto Solomon’s arm. I watched them and realized I knew fuck all about how to be a brother. How did they laugh like that? I didn’t ever get anyone’s jokes, could barely tell when they were telling a joke. I didn’t laugh. It never felt right when I tried. My laughter was forced, and I always laughed at the wrong thing or at the wrong time and people would stare. I wasn’t a brother to Ash, like Beau and Tanner, or Solomon and Samson were to each other. I didn’t fucking know how to be. Ash was fucked having me as a brother. Isaiah… I killed Isaiah. But I’d have been a shit brother to him if he’d lived.

“Jesus!” Vike shouted and shook his head. “Are we old as fuck or what? This the kind of fun we gotta have in the bar now? Babies and cups of tea, like we’re the fucking Queen of England. Where’s the pussy and whiskey?”

Ky closed in behind Vike holding one of his kids and smacked him upside his head. “Vike, shut that ugly mouth or I’ll shove my size thirteen boot up your ass.”