More Than This (More Than, #1)(74)

“What do you want, Kayla?” he asks.

“What?” My brain is too fuzzy from the heat between my legs.

“What do you want?”

I stop to think about what he’s asking. “I still don’t know, Jake.”

He sits up, and my body already misses him.

“I can’t be what you want,” he says, slowly coming to a stand. I whimper internally for him to come back. “I need to be more than this,” he says, pointing his finger between him and me and our state of lust, “you need to pick. It’s all or nothing.”

I can’t. I can’t pick. I sit up and pull my pants up, then throw my top over my head to cover myself. I start sobbing uncontrollably. I can’t lose him but I can’t give him everything yet, and he deserves everything.

“I can’t, Jake.”

“What do you mean you can’t? You can’t choose? Or you can’t be with me?”

“Yes.”

“To which one?”

“It’s been six f*cking months, Jake. Six months since my life turned to shit.”

He flinches at my words and I know he’s taken it the wrong way. It’s not about him, not at all.

“Jake, that’s no-"

“It can be six months, or six f*cking years, Mikayla. Your boyfriend will still be an *, your best friend will still be whore, and your family will still be dead!” he spits.

My eyes snap to his and I see the regret instantly.

“Kayla, baby, I’m sorry, I’m a dick. I shouldn’t have sa-"

“Go to hell, Jake.”

“Kayla, please.” He’s crying now, voice breaking.

“Get the f*ck out, Jake!” I scream at him.

He flinches but walks out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

I don’t see him for the rest of the night.


Chapter 46


Jake


I left Kayla alone in the hotel.

I ended up crashing at Cam and Dylan's dorm.

They asked what happened. I told them to f*ck off. They left me alone.

I’m at the school gym lifting weights to try to get rid of this angry energy I have.

I’m pissed off. I’m pissed off that I f*cked up. That we f*cked up, both of us. Because it’s not just me. It’s her too.

We both said shit that we can’t take back, and I think this is it. This is the point where it’s over. I’m so f*cking angry because it never began and she won’t give me the chance to try.

I’m being a dick and not concentrating on what I’m doing and I think I end up putting the wrong weights on the bar because when I go to press them, I can’t, and I’m f*cking struggling to get the bar off my chest.

“Woah.” I hear, as someone comes to spot me and get the bar back on the rack.

James. Of course it is.

“You all right, man?” he asks.

“I’m fine, *,” I spit out.

He’s taken aback for a second, before he removes his earphones and starts winding them around his iPod, like he’s ready to have a long conversation.

Great, just what I f*cking need.

“I uhhh..” he clears his throat. This kid’s awkward as hell. “I heard you went to Emily’s grave on her birthday.”

I look at him sideways.

“Micky told me,” he states.

I don’t care.

He takes a deep breath in and then sighs out loud.

I don’t say anything. Just sit on the bench and wait or him to f*ck off.

“You know I asked Micky to marry me, right?”

Oh god, I cannot have this conversation with him, not now.

I stay silent.

He continues, “I asked Kevin, her dad, I asked his permission before I did it.”

“So?” I bite out, because I don’t know where this conversation is going but I hate that we’re having it. “She said no, right?”

“Yeah, she did. That’s not the point I’m trying to make so quit being a jerk and let me finish.”

So I do.

“Kevin, he was a really good guy. He loved his girls more than anything. My dad, he’s kind of a prick, he’s one of those dads you’re always trying to impress, you know? Like nothing you do is ever good enough.”

I remember his dad from the funeral. I get it.

“Anyway, Kevin, he was different, always accepted you. His girls could have been or done anything and he would always love and encourage them.”

I wait for him to go on.

“Shit, what I’m trying to say is that, when I asked him for permission, he kind of just looked at me strange for a few seconds, I swear I thought he was going to say no. Then he clapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘James, she’s 18, I can’t stop you. I think it’s a little young, but I was 18 when I met Denise, so I can’t talk. I’m sure you will both make the right decision and she’ll learn to love you as a husband.’”

He clears his throat.

“I was so f*cking happy he was okay with it, I didn’t even think about what he said until later. That she would ‘learn’ to love me as a husband.” He pauses for a bit, thinking about his next words.

“I get it now, Jake, what he meant. She shouldn’t have to learn to love me like that, she just should. And somehow, Kevin knew that she didn’t. And now I see… I see it, the way she is with you, the way she looks at you, that’s how it should have been. Like you’re the only one. You’re it, Jake. You’re all of it. Her forever.”