More Than This (More Than, #1)(70)

“What are we doing?” He says it so quietly, I almost don’t hear him.

I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“What?” I squeak out.

“I’m sorry, Kayla,” he says, and I move to get out of the bed, too embarrassed to be so intimate with him when he tells me that we, what ever it is we are, are done.

“Woah, where are you going?” he says, holding onto me. “We need to talk about this.”

I panic and get out of his grasp. “I can’t.” My eyes are still closed because I don’t want to see his beautiful face. “I don’t want to hear it Jake, please. I just don’t want to.” I’m begging, as I run to my room across the hall.

He follows.

“What’s going on?” Worry laces his voice but I can’t look at him.

“I’m just… I’m sorry okay. I know what you’re going to say and I don’t want to hear it. I just don’t… I can’t. Not today, Jake, please.” I’m almost hyperventilating.

“What are you talking about, Kayla?” His hands are on my face, pulling me up, making me face him but my eyes are shut tight and I refuse to look.

“Kayla! What do you think is happening here?”

“Jake, please…” I surrender to the pain and fall to my knees and he follows me. “I don’t want to be that desperate broken girl that needs you, that’s why I needed to find somewhere else to live, but I waited too long and now you don’t want me here and I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”

I’m a sobbing mess, tears are flowing so quickly I don’t have time to wipe them away. There’s a pounding in my head and my heart hurts so f*cking much, I’m sure it’s going to break through my chest and fall to the floor. I’m sitting with my knees up and my chin resting on them, hands around my head just hoping the outside world would leave me alone for just one goddamn minute so I can gather the strength to get up and face it.


I sit and I cry, and sit, and cry some more until I don’t even know how long I’ve been sitting there crying, and then silence has finally taken over and the tears have dried up and I finally get the courage to look up. And he’s there, watching me, waiting. For this stupid little girl to calm the f*ck down so he can get this shit over with. And then I start to cry again.

“Stop!” he says, forcefully enough that I listen and do it.

“What the f*ck have I ever done to make you feel like I don’t want you here? Or that I don’t want you at all?” he asks. Hurt and confusion in his tone.

“God, Kayla.” he starts. “I kept my mouth shut because I knew it was important to you. You, being out on your own or whatever, but it’s not what I wanted. Not for a f*cking second. And you should know that, without me saying a goddamn word, you should feel that. Have I not shown you how I feel about you? Have I not been clear in the way I act towards you? I don’t know how much more I could have said or done without actually coming out and saying the words.”

He moves to position us so I’m straddling him and his arms are around me and we can’t get any closer together.

“Mikayla, it was you that wanted to leave here, not me. You’re the one that wanted to find somewhere else. It was never me.”

I don’t know how to explain this to him. So that he understands that it’s not about him.

I close my eyes and breath out a steady breath. When I open them, I look straight into his deep blue ones. “I want to make sure that I’m strong enough on my own, without you. Because since that night, it’s been you, only you. You’re my entire world and I need to learn to stand on my own and be my own person, and I can’t do that here.”

“Why not?” It’s a plea. His face is so close to mine, our mouths almost touching. I want to kiss him. I look at his lips, then back to his eyes, and he must know what I’m thinking because he licks his lips just a tiny bit.

But I close my eyes so I’m not tempted because this is not how I want our first kiss.

“Just try. Please?” He pleads, his voice breaking.

And I look at him.

Really, truly, look at him.

And I fall in love all over again.

“Please, Mikayla. Just give it until the new year. Promise me?”

I nod.

He picks us up off the floor and carries me back to his bed where he holds me and I hold him.


“God Jake, I so much more than a lot like you.”

“Mikayla, I passed that stage a long, long time ago.”


Chapter 44


Jake


It’s been a week since we went to Emily’s grave and a week since that night we… I don’t know what that night was, but it did bring us closer, so I guess we needed to have it out.


Also, Kayla is a little girl when it comes to insects and rodents.

She saw a mouse and a cockroach and demanded our house be fumigated and pest controlled, or whatever it’s called.

Apparently we have to be gone for two nights so she suggested heading back home for the weekend. But I, being the gentleman that I am, booked us a weekend at a hotel. It’s nothing swanky but it’s something different and I think we need it.


“I hope you’re not planning on getting lucky tonight,” she elbows me as I take our bags out of my truck.