More Than This (More Than, #1)(60)

Every day she’s here and I can’t have her.

It’s the f*cking hardest thing to do, to be around the person you love, with everything you have, and not be able to love them.

I hate college. I hate the never ending pressure to be this hot shot f*cking kid. I hate the constant recognition from everyone because I can pitch a decent game. I hate the stupid endless string of college parties I’m pressured to going to and I hate the attention from all the other girls when I only ever want one. And she won’t give it to me.

I hate the stupid classes and the stupid commitments, because they all keep me away from her.

I’m so f*cking close to throwing this shit in and just going pro. But I don’t, because I know she wouldn’t follow me.

And none of this shit makes sense without her.


Sometimes I see her and see that scared little girl I saw when we pulled up to her parents house that night. I hate that she ever has to feel like that.


I want to shut out the world around us and have it just be me and her, the way we are behind closed doors. Where no one else can dictate who we are and what we feel. I just want her. I just want my Kayla.


***


Occasionally she’ll have lunch with that *, James. I hate it so much because he gives her something that I can’t. He gives her memories of her family, and the times they shared. I hate that he loved them and I never could. I hate they shared moments and I’ll never be able to. I hate that he taught Emily how to ride a bike, and I’ll never even get to meet her. I hate that I’ll never get to ask her dads permission when I propose to her, because I plan to one day. I hate that he’s allowed to miss them and I can’t. I hate that he hurt her.

But I can’t hate him.

Because he bought her to me.


***


She says she still wants to move out, something about finding herself without me. I keep my mouth shut because I know that it’s important to her, but I just don’t get it. I don’t f*cking understand why she wants to find herself without me, when I plan on being part of her life. Forever. Because I love her so damn much it hurts.


Chapter 37


Mikayla


The door to our house swings open and I hear Logan and Jake's voices. I had to catch the bus home so I could get ready for work in 15 minutes.

“You tell her then, *,” Jake says, he’s pissed.

I run out of my bedroom pulling my boots on one leg and hopping with the other.

“Keys?” I say to Jake, with my hand out.

As he gives me his car keys I look at Logan, he has that ‘Cat that ate the canary’ look. “Tell me what, Logan?”

“It’s nothing,” he shrugs his shoulders.

“Logan here, opened his big fat mouth and told the team I live off campus in my own house. So guess what? Now were stuck hosting a team ‘get together’ tomorrow night.” Jake speaks for him.

“Oh,” I say, that’s not so bad. “I’m working until like 10 tomorrow but I think I should be able to crash at Lucy’s for the night,” I tell him, going through my purse to make sure I have everything.

“What?” Jake says. “I don’t want you to not be here, this is your house too, Kayla. I just don’t want people to think this is party central.”

“Chill the f*ck out dude, it’s not a big deal,” Logan assures him.


***


Jake


She left for work a couple of hours ago. Wearing a light grey sweater dress and cowboy boots. I made her take my car so she didn’t ride the bus like that. Then I made Logan drive me around and help me get ready for the party.

Logan wanted a full on blowout. I threatened to call the whole thing off when he begged to invite his entire frat house. Fuck No.

So it’s just the team and their girls and our group.

Logan organized a few Kegs from someone in his frat house and Lucy and Heidi organized snacks. I really wasn’t up for this. I really just wanted to spend the night at home with Kayla. Maybe try and persuade her to let me reciprocate. God knows we need to do something about the tension in this house.

I can’t even jerk off thinking she might hear or know somehow. It’s a lot, and I mean a lot of f*cking cold showers.


About 2 hours into the party she walks in. Grey sweater dress and those f*cking cowboy boots.

Looking as hot as I’ve every seen her.

The guys cheer and a couple even make their way over.

I watch how she reacts.

I don’t know if she’s still interested in what we have.

I know how I feel. And I know that when she moves out of this house like she’s planning, she’ll take a huge part of me with her.

She does a shy wave and gives a few of the guys a little hug. Nothing that I need to worry about. She sees me leaning against the kitchen counter, smiles at me and saunters over.

I grab a beer and hand it to her.

“Hey,” she says giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and then turning and joining the party.


Mikayla


I walk into the lounge room to see that Jake has been watching me. He’s leaning on the back of the sofa, drinking a beer, his eyes never leaving mine.

I walk up to him, place myself in front of him, looking up.

One of his hands goes to my waist.