More Than Lies (More Than #1)(115)

I want so bad to reach out and touch her, but I don’t.

Tara doesn’t speak, but her body moves slowly as she starts to breathe again.

“I fucked up, baby. I know I did. Last week, I overheard Jared tell you he loved you, and it messed my head up. I started to believe I didn’t deserve you like he said. I heard you tell him you loved me, and that scared me. I started thinking about my parents and what they have. Deep down it’s what I want, too, but what they have seems so unattainable. They are perfect. Their love is perfect. I don’t know how to give you that kind of love.” I break for a beat needing to breathe myself.

“I love you.” Tara stills again. “I’m not just saying it. I do love you, Tara. I’m in love with you. No matter what you’re thinking right now, please believe I love you. I’ve loved you longer than I realized I even loved you, and I can love you better than anyone else ever can. That’s a promise, baby. I messed up, and shit, I can’t take back what I said, but it was a lie. All of it was a lie. I let doubt inside my head, and instead of being stronger than it, I gave in and lied to you, Tara. I didn’t cheat on you. I would never cheat on you. I swear to God, Tara, I’m telling you the truth.”

I’m physically spent, but I have to finish this. I don’t know how it’ll end. I’m praying it doesn’t end.

“Did your dad tell you about Jared?” I really hate bringing him up. I hate that someone else said the words she should have only ever heard from me and me alone, but I need to know if she knows about his wreck and the other girl being killed before I go on any further.

“Yes.” The pain in her voice causes me to close my eyes briefly. I hate that I’ve caused every ounce of that pain. She does deserve better, but if she’ll give me another chance, I’ll make damn sure that I’m better.

“I thought that girl was you. Everyone did. There is nothing I can say to describe the agony I felt when Cole told me you were dead. I died inside. I wanted to actually die. Please forgive me.”

She doesn’t say a word for at least a minute.

“Shawn, I can’t process another thing tonight. I heard you, and I listened like you asked me to, but I can’t forgive you right at this minute. I probably won’t be able to tomorrow either. I’m tired. I’m beyond exhausted. I want to sleep. I want to forget today happened. I want to forget my life happened.” Her voice breaks on the last sentence as a sob breaks free. My hands fall to the mattress. I fist the covers, trying to purge everything I feel inside out through the material in my hands. “I don’t want to be alone right now. I thought I did when I came in here, but it’s all so much worse when I’m by myself. Will you get in the bed and stay?”

She doesn’t have to ask twice. I kick my boots off and I’m behind her over the covers within seconds of her asking me to stay.

“Go to sleep, baby.” I pull her into my arms and wrap myself around her. At this point I’ll take any bone she throws. This is a pretty big one in my book.

I close my own eyes, and I’m out within seconds.





CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN





TARALYNN EVANS





I wake to the sound of yelling. It’s loud and coming from within the house. When I open my eyes, I realize where I am. The events of last night come back like a flash of lighting, quick and unexpected.

I’m warm. My body feels liked it’s wrapped in a cocoon. I’m so hot, and I know why, too. I’d know the feeling of that body from another any day. Shawn’s still here in my bed with me.

I ache all over, and I need more sleep, but the voice starts again. It’s my mother’s voice, and she is the one yelling. Mother. But she isn’t my mother, now is she? Wow. If I hadn’t seen the photograph of the other woman, my real mother, I don’t know that I would have believed my dad’s story. It’s the next day, okay really it’s probably only a few hours after he told me, but I have no clue how to process all that yet.

Shawn’s arms tighten around my middle.

“Do they argue like that often?” He doesn’t sound like himself. His voice is scratchy.

His words filter back in, too. All of them, especially the ones he said before I fell asleep. He loves me. The sucky thing is, I believe him. It’s sucky because I’m still upset, and now I’m mad. His lies ripped me to shreds. How do I forget them? How do I forgive him? I don’t know.

“No. I’ve never heard them yell like that.” It’s Katherine that’s doing the yelling. I haven’t heard my dad, but from what she’s saying, he’s the one taking the brunt of her wrath. “She’s not my mother.”

Saying it, out loud, feels freeing. I don’t know why. Shouldn’t I feel a loss? Then again, you have to have something to lose it. I never had her, not really. I just didn’t know that until however many hours ago it was that my dad told me.

“What do you mean?” He turns me so my back is flat on the mattress. He still looks almost as bad as he did when I walked into my bedroom in Oxford.

“Apparently, I’m the product of an affair my dad had. Only my real mom couldn’t deal with not having him completely, so she killed herself, and I’ve been made to believe the evil bitch downstairs was my mother this whole time. Makes sense why she hates me so much, huh.”