Mercy (Salacious Players Club, #4)(28)

Somehow, I think this is better.

“See you tomorrow, Beau.”

With a forced gulp, I stare at her face as I reply, “Yes, ma’am.”





Rule #12: When you’re unsure, consult the professionals.





Maggie





I need help. I have no clue what I’ve gotten myself into or what to do next.

I’ve been around the community enough that I know the basics—it must be safe, sane, and consensual. But beyond that…I’m lost.

Lucky for me, I know exactly who can help.

Eden St. Claire is sitting across from me at one of the VIP tables upstairs, and since it’s still early in the night, it’s quiet. In about two hours, having a conversation at this table will be difficult, considering the people behind the curtain next to us will be in full orgy mode.

“This isn’t business-related, is it?” she asks, sipping on her martini.

I force myself to swallow. “Not exactly.”

That makes her smile as she leans forward. She’s in a sleek black dress that is surprisingly buttoned all the way up to her neck. And I nearly die with envy at how much sexuality she can exude without even trying.

“Tell me everything,” she replies with a gentle sincerity that calms me. It’s what I love about Eden. She is open and approachable, so nothing is intimidating about coming to her and asking questions about the lifestyle.

“I took the kink quiz,” I say, and her interest suddenly piques.

“Let me guess. It told you you’re a Domme.”

My eyes widen. “How did you know?”

“Maggie, I’ve been watching you for the past year and I see how much you require control. You handle everything on your own, instead of delegating to anyone else. You’re not spontaneous in the least, and for a long time, I just assumed you were vanilla. And if you were having sex, it was probably unfulfilling and unsatisfying.”

My jaw hangs open. Does everyone around here know more about me than I do myself?

“That’s incredible,” I whisper.

She laughs, taking another drink. “It could be my circus act. Guessing people’s kinks based on their personalities.”

While that is impressive, I’ve seen Madame Kink in action through the voyeur hall enough to know that probably wouldn’t be her only circus trick.

“So, technically, my results were Domme, Mistress, Brat Tamer,” I say, suddenly wishing I brought a pen and paper to take actual notes.

“Oh, Brat Tamer. I can see that one, and I love it.”

“Eden…I have no clue how to do any of this.”

When she reaches out a hand and places it over mine, it’s immediately calming. “Okay, first of all, relax. It shouldn’t be work. It’s supposed to be fun.”

Air leaves my lungs in a rush as I nod. “Okay, okay. I know.”

“You do know how to have fun, right?”

I respond with a sarcastic glare. She lets out a clipped laugh.

“So…have you found someone willing to play with you?”

And I’m tense again.

“Yes,” I reply tightly.

This response surprises her. “Oh. Well…that’s great. Someone new to kink too?”

“Yes…”

She can obviously sense my hesitation. “Maggie, relax.”

“I’m trying, but this stuff scares the hell out of me, and he’s so eager, and I love the idea of having fun with him, but what if I fuck it up? What if I hurt him? Or he doesn’t like it? Or—"

“Here, take this.” She’s putting her drink in my hands, and the next thing I know, I’m sipping down straight vodka. My cough feels like fire as I hand it back to her.

“Okay, first of all, you’re too worried about his expectations. His safety…sure. That’s important, but you’re too codependent in your sexuality. You’ve trained yourself to believe that your pleasure relies on theirs. You’ve been trained to be a people pleaser and a service lover. But what you need is to be dominant and take your pleasure without obligation to anyone else.”

“Well, I want him to enjoy it,” I argue.

“But that’s the point, Maggie. It’s not about him, not really. If he’s a real sub, serving you is what he wants, no matter what that means. It’s not selfish. It’s literally what the entire dynamic is all about. Stop worrying about what he wants. What do you want?”

“That’s the problem, Eden. I literally don’t know. I feel broken.”

She opens her mouth to reply with a look of sympathy on her face when a familiar voice pops up behind me.

“What are you guys talking about?” Charlie hops into the seat next to me, and my cheeks burn with embarrassment. God, how much did she hear?

Eden doesn’t reply, just stares blankly ahead, waiting for me to take the lead on that question.

“Umm…”

Realization dawns on Charlie’s face. Then she gasps. “Wait, is this about the quiz you took last week?”

My face falls as her smile only grows. “Did you find someone?” she asks with even more eagerness.

I drop my face into my hands, without responding to her.

“You know…Charlotte might be a good person to talk to. From the sub’s perspective.”