Master of Iron (Bladesmith #2)(35)

“Really? How does revealing my abilities and suggesting to Ravis that I make weapons to destroy the world help Temra? Or Petrik? Or all the people who are going to get butchered in the war Ravis is bringing to them?”

“First of all,” he snaps back, “I didn’t exactly have time to ask for your permission to tell Ravis who you are. Someone was coming at you with a knife! I was thinking quickly and under pressure. It was the only thing I could come up with to save your life. Second, I knew you would get us out of there before any damage was done.”

“You couldn’t have known that! And you didn’t, because Ravis now has scores of magicked weapons to aid him.”

“Most of them aren’t that powerful, and you got Lady Killer back for me.”

“Someone has my shield hammer, and then there was that war hammer…”

“Ziva, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay! We’re the only warning Prince Skiro has that war is coming. If we don’t get there in time, it’ll be a mass slaughter. People I care about will be killed with weapons I made! And do you think Ravis will stop when he’s done with Skiro’s Territory? He won’t. He wants his so-called birthright back. He’s going to claim all six territories for himself and unite Ghadra. I didn’t just doom my family and friends. I’ve doomed the entire kingdom. How am I supposed to handle that? It hurts, Kellyn. Right here, in my chest. I can barely breathe.” In fact, my breathing picks up dangerously just at the thought.

“Hey, now,” Kellyn says. He grabs the reins of my horse, drawing us both to a stop, and then he takes my hand in his. There isn’t much else he can do from atop his own horse. He squeezes gently. “Do you remember what I told you when you were panicking about Kymora and Secret Eater?”

“I panic a lot. You’re going to have to be more specific.”

He fights a smile. “You’re not that important.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what I told you. You’re not that important. You don’t get to put the whole world on your shoulders. That’s not fair, and it’s not your fault. Kymora was at fault. Ravis is at fault. Those who give him their loyalty? They’re at fault. While you’re still fighting for what’s right, you don’t get to blame yourself.”

I sniffle. “It doesn’t matter what my intentions are if I still cause innocents to die.”

“We’ve no way of knowing what will happen, but we’ll do our best to fix it when the time comes. For now, maybe try to focus on what you’ve saved. You saved the world from Secret Eater. You saved Temra. You saved Petrik. You saved me. But most important, you saved yourself. You’ve done good things.”

“I can’t even see those things. They’re buried too far beneath all the bad I’ve done.” The stuff he drove me to do.

He squeezes my hand one more time before giving it back to me. We start moving again.

“I don’t always know the right thing to say,” Kellyn says. “But you just remember that I’m here. You’re not alone.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for saving me,” he says. “Even though you probably didn’t want to in the end.”

How can he think that? “I would never leave you behind. I wouldn’t have been able to stand it if I’d gone through the wardrobe. I couldn’t be in Skiro’s Territory safe and sound while I had no idea what happened to you. I’m going mad as it is wondering what’s happened to Temra.”

“I didn’t know.”

“You think me so fickle as to just stop caring about what happens to you because you did some things I didn’t like?”

“The only constant in my life has ever been my family,” he says. “I travel so much. I can make friends with the people I work for, but when I get them to their destination, that’s it. I never see them again. I have to move on constantly. Otherwise, it’s just too damn depressing. I shouldn’t have assumed that you would be the same way.”

Does that mean that he’s moved on? Because he’s used to doing so constantly? That would be … good, right? We’ve fought too much and hurt each other too much to get past everything, haven’t we? I’m unsure. I’ve never broken up with someone before.

And yet, my heart feels hollow at the idea of him having moved on already.

After a moment, Kellyn lets out a single puff of a laugh. My neck cracks in his direction, certain he’s somehow heard my thoughts and laughing at me for some reason.

“Sorry,” he says, “I was just thinking about how last night was the second time I’ve woken up to you carting me off somewhere.”

“You should be grateful.”

“Oh, I am.” He laughs again.

“If you’re going to poke fun at me while I’m hurting, you can strike out on your own.” I really don’t want him to leave, but I have my pride. I tack on, “But all the food and supplies are mine. I bought them.”

“With the prince’s stolen dagger.”

“My argument still stands. And don’t forget it’s your fault that you’re in this mess.”

“As is everything.”

“Naturally.”

His smile is bright as he looks ahead at the road again. “I’ll take my chances with you, vicious though you are.”