Master of Iron (Bladesmith #2)(34)

“How about we share a horse and you can sleep against me?” He seems undaunted by my outburst. Kellyn draws the horses to a halt before I can respond. We make quick work of it. Saddling the two horses, loading up the supplies.

“How did you get all this?”

“I sold Ravis’s dagger.”

He smiles at that.

We do our best to hide the wagon, pulling it as far off the road as we can manage and covering it with branches and whatnot. Afterward, he mounts his horse and holds a hand down to me.

“I can ride,” I say.

“I know you can, but you don’t have to. Come on, Ziva. Let me keep watch for a while. Thanks to you, I’m fully rested.”

Only because I’m now dead on my feet do I take his hand. I ignore the shock of warmth that travels up my arm. My skin prickles when my back is pressed against his front, this strange mixture of terror and elation and frustration. There was a time when I managed to relax around him. But things are different now. Ravis threatened his life, and I toiled day after day to keep him alive. I obviously still care about him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s hurt me and betrayed my trust. I don’t know where we stand with each other now. I don’t know how to even begin to sort through it all in my head.

I must be even more tired than I realize, because the next thing I know I’m suddenly rousing from sleep.

Kellyn has one arm loosely around my middle, keeping me from falling. The other directs the horse. My gelding is attached to the saddle horn with a lead, and he follows behind.

I’m so warm and comfortable, though I shouldn’t be, having slept upright. But I felt safe, and that’s something I haven’t felt in a long time. And it’s such a pleasant feeling to have Kellyn behind me, cradling my entire body. I want to stretch, to lean my head back against his shoulder. Turn into his neck and breathe him in.

“I’m awake,” I announce instead.

“Go back to sleep. It’s only midday. You need more rest.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” I grab the reins from him and draw the horse to a halt. Once on the ground, I untie my gelding, a midnight-black horse, and mount.

Then I can think more clearly. Because Kellyn is not touching me.

He doesn’t say a word as we continue forward, and the silence is so awkward it infuriates me. I resist speaking for as long as I can.

“Do you know where we’re going?” I ask.

“Sun rose from over there. We’re headed south. Don’t worry. I travel for a living, remember?”

More silence ensues, and it feels so wrong. We were trapped together for weeks at the forges, unable to speak to each other, but now that we can, he doesn’t have anything to say to me?

Surely, he can tell I’m upset. Why isn’t he asking me about it?

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Leading us to Skiro.”

“You’re being quiet. You’re not usually quiet.”

“If you want to talk, you’re welcome to talk. I gathered that anything I said would only make you angrier. Am I wrong?”

Him being right makes me angrier.

“Kellyn,” I say to his back, halting my own horse.

He turns his russet mare around to face me, raises a brow.

“Don’t you ever tell someone about my abilities without my permission again.” I manage to look him in the eye as I say it, put as much seriousness into my voice as possible.

“He was going to kill you,” he volleys back.

“I would rather die than be the cause of making weapons that will destroy Ghadra.”

“Then you should have refused him.”

“He wasn’t threatening my life; he was threatening yours!”

He turns his horse around, urges her forward once more. “Then I don’t see the problem.”

I encourage my own mount into a trot and use him to block Kellyn’s path. “The problem is that I don’t want to be the cause of anyone dying. And you forced me into that position!”

“You should have gone through the wardrobe. You forced my hand.”

“And you shouldn’t have left me!”

His eyes widen, but he doesn’t say a thing.

My abdomen feels tight, like there’s not enough room for all my organs. My eyelids are heavy, and tears slide down my cheeks.

“My sister was dying. She might already be dead now, and then you thought you could just sacrifice yourself and force me to lose you, too.”

I turn my head to the ground, wipe the tears away, and make other pathetic attempts to collect myself. Then I urge my horse back in the direction we’d been traveling a moment ago.

When Kellyn next speaks, his voice is deeper than usual. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I thought you didn’t care what happened to me as long as your sister was okay. I was only trying to give you what you wanted. What you deserve.”

I think the fact that I’m turned away is the only reason I’m able to get the next words out. “Just because I can’t be with you doesn’t mean I don’t still care. It doesn’t mean that I’d ever be okay with you being killed or imprisoned or anything less than living a happy life.”

“How was I supposed to know that? After what happened in the fight against Kymora, you gave me the cold shoulder. We didn’t even talk about what happened. Temra was injured, and she needed your full focus; I get that. But there’s nothing that needs your immediate attention now, so I’m going to defend myself. It was during the heat of battle, Ziva. I didn’t process what you were saying when you told me to save Temra. I saw you being dragged away, and I acted. Blame me for that all you want, but Kymora hurt your sister, not me. All my actions since then have only been to help Temra.”