Lucky Caller(42)

“Sorry,” I mumbled. I couldn’t even manage the I’m, which barely made it an apology. There was no ownership to it without that. There was no admission of fault. I swallowed hard and tried again. “I…”

He didn’t say anything, just shook his head, and for a moment there was nothing but terrible silence. Then he walked away.

It was never the same between us after that.





37.


IT WASN’T LIKE JAMIE IGNORED me completely, never spoke to me again, walked in the opposite direction whenever he saw me. If anything, I was the one who avoided him. I didn’t know what to say, how to make it better. So it sort of just … faded away between us.

Maybe it would’ve happened anyway because of high school—more people, new friends, new after-school commitments. Meridian North was massive, so I didn’t have any classes with him anyway. I didn’t see him much once high school began except when we would run into him at the Eastman, in the elevator or at the mailboxes. My mom would ask him about his grandparents, or how school was going, and he’d chat good-naturedly. He’d show up to the bus in the mornings at the last minute, board and sit near the front with a couple of other guys on our route. Walking back from the bus stop in the afternoons—if we both happened to be riding—I’d slow my steps so we wouldn’t have to catch the elevator together.

When he showed up at our place on Christmas with Gram and Papa, that was the first time I had really had a conversation with him in ages.

And I liked having conversations with Jamie. There was a time when talking to him was one of my very favorite things to do. Sitting across from each other on the rides to and from school every day, asking Would you rather only eat breakfast foods forever or have to give them up forever? What if you could transport yourself to anywhere you wanted in the world, but only for five minutes at a time? Would you marry the clown or be the clown—that one came up a lot. Jamie’s eyes shining, smile a little bashful, You should marry the clown, Nina, it’s the perfect solution.

Is it?

Well, yeah. I already said I’d be the clown.

I looked down at my phone the afternoon that Jamie had walked out of radio class. I couldn’t get his look of disappointment out of my mind. I wished, with a sudden fierceness, not to be the kind of person who let Jamie Russell down. Not again.

I stared at the contact name on the screen for a moment before pressing it.

“Nina?”

“Hi, Dad.”

“What’s going on? Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah. Uh … I wanted to ask you something. About when you come for Sidney’s play.”

“Sure thing.”

“Do you think you could do this thing for my radio class?” I described it to him—the interview, the talk for the class. “Nothing huge or, like, that you’d have to prepare for or anything. Just answering some questions about being in the industry and stuff like that.”

“Uh…” A pause. “Uh, yeah. I think that should be all right.”

“You can make it? For our show on Thursday and for class on Friday?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna take a couple days off work. I’ll be there.”

“For real?”

“Definitely. Sounds good. Anything for my favorite deejay!”

I hadn’t mentioned that I wasn’t actually on-air.

“Thanks. That would be really great.”

“Everything else going okay? Rose and Sid? Mom’s all right?”

“Yeah, everyone’s good.”

“Good. Good, good. Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He hung up.



* * *



There was a knock on our front door that evening. It wasn’t Dan, because he was there, and he was the only person on our “approved visitors” list. Everyone else had to be buzzed up.

I swung open the door, and there was Jamie.

“Hey,” he said. “Do you have a second?”

I hesitated. We were just sitting down to dinner. If I invited him in, I knew Mom would ask him to join us, and then I’d have to sit through a bunch of awkward small talk, all the while knowing he came to have a conversation with me.

“Nina?” Mom called.

“Be right there,” I said, stepping into the hall and shutting the door behind me.

“Sorry, we’re just starting dinner—” I began at the same time Jamie said: “I can come back. I didn’t mean to—”

We both broke off.

Jamie flashed an awkward smile that faded quickly. “I just … wanted to say I’m sorry for earlier. At school. I shouldn’t have just left like that.”

“No, Jamie, I—”

“I’m just stressed. That’s all. I shouldn’t let it affect the show or the group or anything like that, and I shouldn’t … I mean, that’s not an excuse to be a dick.”

“You weren’t,” I said. “You were right. I should’ve asked him already. I was being stupid.” A pause. “But I checked with my dad, and it’s going to be fine. He’ll definitely do it.”

“For real?”

“Yeah. One hundred percent confirmed.”