Lovely Girls(85)

“I saw the truck,” Alex said flatly. “I knew I was driving into its path. I knew it was going to hit the passenger side of the car.”

“We’re talking about a split-second decision made in a moment of extreme emotion,” Beatrice said.

“And in that split second, I killed my father.”

Alex and Beatrice looked at one another.

Beatrice sighed. “Then that’s where we have to start. We need to figure out why you made that decision. I don’t think you’re a violent person, Alex.”

“You don’t think there are some people who are fundamentally damaged? Who are just born wrong? I do. I think Daphne and Shae were. I think I might be too.”

“No, I don’t think a baby comes into the world born evil. Everyone is shaped by their life experiences.”

“What’s my excuse?”

“Your father was abusive. Verbally, emotionally, even physically. Those times he made you train when you were hurt. That’s abusive, Alex. It affected you profoundly. You had one bad moment. Everyone has them. It’s just your bad moment had a terrible consequence. You can’t let that define who you are.”

Alex was quiet for a few moments, her fingers twisting the end of her long braid.

“The thing that scares me is . . . what if it wasn’t just one bad moment? I meant what I said that day. I wanted my dad to die. And then I killed him. What if that happens again? What if I get mad at my mom and end up hurting her?”

Beatrice hesitated, looking unsure for the first time. “Are you having fantasies about hurting someone?”

“No, I’m not. It’s just . . .” Alex stopped and looked directly at the camera. “Sometimes I worry that it’s just a matter of time before it happens again. I’ll snap and lose control. And I’ll end up like Daphne and Shae, sitting in prison for the rest of my life.”

“Then we’ll start there,” Beatrice said. “I can help you learn how to manage your emotions. Teach you some techniques to stop your anger before it gets out of control.”

Alex hesitated but then finally nodded. Her wide eyes were luminous against her pale skin, and her expression was uncertain.

“So you think you can fix me?”

Beatrice smiled kindly. “I don’t think you’re broken, Alex.”

“I hope you’re right,” Alex said. “But I don’t think you are. I think I’m one of those people who were just born bad. Like Daphne. We’re really just two sides of the same coin.”

“I disagree. You and Daphne are nothing alike. You’re kind and empathetic and want to be a better person. You’re willing to work on yourself.”

Alex lifted one shoulder and then let it fall. “I think the only real difference between us is that Daphne’s going to jail for what she did. And I’m not.”

“I think that’s a good thing,” Beatrice said.

“I guess we’ll find out.” Alex sighed and shook her head. “One way or another, we’ll find out.”