Love Me (WITSEC #3)(70)

“Where is she?” he growled above her.

The terror that overwhelmed her gave way to what looked like determination. Her expression hardened as she stared up at Mr. X.

He noticed the change in her, too, and roared in her face, “Where is she?!”

“Go to hell!” she wailed as she thrashed at him.

Mr. X lifted the knife from her neck and raised it high above his head.

No! No! No! I screamed in my head, sitting there frozen and helpless as he brought down his knife.

My mom’s breath hitched, her eyes wide as the blade plunged into her chest.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to roar. But my fear squeezed my throat, blocking any sound from getting out.

When Mr. X withdrew his knife and brought it down again and again, stabbing her over and over, I went to crawl out from behind the couch. I wanted to stop him. I wanted to save her.

I barely made it an inch when Shayla grabbed me with more strength than she should have had and yanked me back behind the couch. Startled, I let out a tiny, strangled noise to keep myself from screaming. She quickly covered my mouth and bound her other arm around me so tight, I knew she was afraid of what I might do.

She held me like that as we listened to Mr. X grunting each time he stabbed our mom. Shayla’s tears dripped on my shoulder. It was then that I noticed I could feel her whole body shaking and hear her heart pounding in her chest.

I put my arm over the one she had around me and squeezed her wrist. It was the only way I could hug her and offer her comfort.

Mr. X let out a roar that made us both jump. We both held our breath, waiting, listening. His feet shuffled on the floor as he moved around the room.

“Shiloh!” he yelled.

Shayla’s fingers dug into my ribs as she crushed me against her.

“Come out! Come out, wherever you are!”

The need to breathe began to burn in my chest as I strained to listen, to pick up any hint that would tell me where he was in the room.

The floor creaked and I knew.

“Shiii…loooh.” His voice sounded distant and not in the living room.

Shayla’s hold on me relaxed and we both took in air as quietly as we could.

A scraping noise traveled in from the foyer. It sounded like he was dragging the tip of his knife along the wall as he got further and further away.

I climbed out from behind the couch and started for my mom. Shayla grabbed at my hand, but I yanked it away from her.

“Shi,” I barely heard Shayla whisper.

I knew there was nothing we could do, but I still needed to…I didn’t know. Touch her? I had to feel that she was gone, because if she wasn’t, I didn’t think I could leave her.

Her head was tilted to the side, eyes unblinking. Blood was spreading around her on the floor. I knelt where the blood had yet to reach and hovered shaky hands over her, not knowing where I could touch without causing her more pain. “Mom,” I breathed as tears poured from my eyes and dripped off my chin.

How could I fix this?

What was I supposed to do?

I grabbed her hand that was resting on the floor in her blood and there was nothing, not a flicker in her eyes to indicate that she felt me.

I brought the back of her hand up to my cheek. It was cold. “Mommy?” I whispered as more tears clouded my vision.

Shayla fisted the back of my shirt. “Please, Shi,” I barely heard her beg. “She’s dead. We have to go.”

I didn’t want to let go. If I let go, I had to accept that she was gone. I wasn’t ready.

Shayla yanked me to my feet by my shirt and dragged me back through the living room, past our dad’s body and toward his office.

Once inside, she shut the door as quietly as she could. The room became pitch black, but she found me. She put her hands on my shoulders. “I need you to listen to me,” she whispered.

A silent sob rocked through me, and she put her hands on my cheeks. Her grip was firm. “I need you to pull yourself together. If you don’t, you will get us killed.”

“How?” was all I could get out. How was she not falling apart right now?

“You have to bury it. Everything that you are feeling—what just happened. You have to bury it deep so we can survive. And after we get through this, when it’s safe, you can let yourself feel it. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I sniffled. “Bury it to survive.”

“Yes.” Her whole body shook, and I knew she was nodding. “So take a deep breath and bury it all.”

I inhaled deeply. Burying didn’t work for me, but pushing did. I pushed the agony I felt at losing our parents, the images of Mr. X stabbing our mom and the fear in her eyes. I pushed them back until it became easier to focus. The thought of needing to get out of here and get help took their place in the forefront of my mind.

“Okay,” I whispered. “What do we do?”





22





I trailed off, feeling mentally depleted. For so long, I’d had that night buried in the furthest corner of my mind. For almost a year and a half, I’d built wall after wall to keep it there. For me to continue telling them what had happened next, I would have to tear down another wall, and the next one was the biggest and strongest of them all.

I wasn’t strong enough to do it. Not yet, anyway.

“Keep going, Shi,” Logan urged.