Love Me (WITSEC #3)(53)

“What about the other times you’ve shut down?”

He sighed through his nose slowly. “Moments of weakness,” he said. “Don’t ever doubt that I want you. I’ve wanted you since the first moment I laid eyes on you, and since then, that feeling has only grown. But I care for you too much to give in to that want. If we take the next step and I learn I can’t stand the idea of sharing you, it could ruin everything, and I can’t hurt you like that.”

“So what are you hoping will happen while we abstain? What will convince you that sex won’t change you?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure that out.”





15





Isabelle would be on her way over soon. Tonight, we were going to watch IT and she was going to sleep over. I was excited as I was nervous. Nope, I was more nervous, and I had almost lied about not feeling well when Isabelle had texted me to see if I was all right after she’d learned I wasn’t at school today.

To distract me from my nerves as the hours ticked by, I’d decided to bake. I’d figured dessert would be fun to have during the movie. That, and of course popcorn.

I had all the fixings in my kitchen to make pie or cookies. I had made enough of both with my mom growing up that I could probably make either of them in my sleep. So I had decided to experiment a little. Do something different.

So far, I had made homemade cinnamon-flavored ice cream with apple chunks and it was chilling in the freezer. Currently, I was scooping large balls of blondie cookie dough with buttery pie-crust pieces that I had crumbled into the batter onto a tray. I was going to make apple pie ice cream sandwiches, and from what I’d sampled so far, they were going to be delicious.

I’d have to save some for the guys to try tomorrow. They weren’t invited tonight. It was strictly a girls’ night. That was what I had told them and that was it. I hadn’t told them what we were going to be watching. It wasn’t that I wanted to lie to them, but I wanted to do this alone. I needed to see if I could do this alone. My trauma was my battle to fight. The support I got from my guys was wonderful, but if I kept relying on them…

I froze mid-scoop as I realized what I had been doing. Sighing, I set down the spoon back in the mixing bowl and reached for my phone.

I had another missed call from that unknown number. Why couldn’t Cassy and Amber just leave me alone? I wasn’t going to answer. So why did they keep calling? They probably thought if they bugged me enough, I’d drop the charges.

As I scrolled through my previous calls, Colt’s name came up first and I clicked on it. The line rang a couple of times before he picked up.

“Hi,” he answered.

“I need to tell you something,” I said, getting right to the point.

“Okay,” he drawled.

“The reason Isabelle is coming over is so we can watch the movie IT.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I’m going to trust that you considered what could happen and get right to the question as to why you felt you couldn’t tell us.”

“Well, I have a nasty habit of wanting to do things on my own. I have this fear that one day I will lose you, and if I know I can do things on my own, then it won’t be like when I lost my family—it won’t hurt as much. I won’t go every day discovering things I need you for because I’ve never had to do them on my own.”

“So why are you telling me the truth now?” he asked without a hint of anger.

“Well, I just realized what I was doing,” I said as I drew lines in some spilled flour on the counter. “I still plan to do this on my own, but…but if I find out that I can’t, will you come over and help me take this back or hold me if it ends up being a complete disaster?”

“Of course I will.”

I smiled. “Okay.”

“Babe?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m proud of you,” he said. “I know you don’t see the progress that you’ve made, but we do, and I wanted you to know that we can see it.”

My eyes burned. I hadn’t realized how badly I’d needed to hear that until right then. “Thank you.”





The doorbell rang as I was pulling the cookies from the oven.

“Coming!” I set the hot cookie tray down on top of a trivet and went to answer the door. Making sure it was Isabelle through the peephole first, I opened the door with a smile. “I love your hair,” I greeted.

She flicked her newly colored teal hair off her shoulder. “Me, too! It’s going to look perfect with my costume,” she said, smiling.

I stepped aside for her to come in.

She walked in with a large bag hanging off her shoulder. She took in my living room quickly, then spun to face me. “I ran to Maranda’s salon after Knox called offering me the front desk position. I start Monday!”

“He did?” I gaped as I shut the front door. “Congratulations!”

Beaming, she pulled a bottle of vodka and a bottle of cranberry juice from her bag. “Want to add a little celebration to our girls’ night?”

“Sure.” I took the vodka and juice from her. Heading to the kitchen, I jiggled the vodka. “How’d you get this?”

Following me, she said, “My cousin got it for me.”