Lies of My Monster: A Dark Mafia Romance(13)

He still stares at me with apparent suspicion. Viktor has never trusted me, and he hasn’t shied away from voicing it to Kirill, but I really hope he sees that we’re on the same page here.

If we clash, we have no way of fixing this situation.

After almost a full minute of silent contemplation, he faces the men he brought and orders them in curt Russian to get the plane ready.

I still don’t breathe in relief, though. I can’t until Kirill is safely out of Russia and my uncle’s reach.

Even if temporarily.





I’m on edge.

The claustrophobic sensation I’ve had since the hill hasn’t disappeared. Not when we left Russian soil, not when we landed at the airport, and not even during the trip to the house, throughout which we were accompanied by most of Kirill’s bodyguards—Yuri and Maksim included.

I only manage to release a breath when Kirill is settled in the house clinic, and the doctor says that he only needs rest to make a full recovery.

Anna wails upon seeing him. Karina runs the length of the garden, trips and falls, but she stands up again and bawls her eyes out when she gets to his bedside.

Yulia watches from the doorway with her emotionless expression, then turns and leaves. As if the man fighting for his life isn’t her flesh and blood or her eldest child.

It’s like she couldn’t care less what happens to him. Hell, she might even wish for his demise.

Konstantin, however, comes over and holds his sister as she sobs and calls Kirill’s name.

The scene digs the black hole in my chest deeper until it’s hard to breathe or remain in the same place as all of them.

Despite not wanting Kirill out of my sight, he has many people who care about him by his side.

And I need to get out. Now.

I slip out of the clinic’s back entrance and stride through the side garden without purpose or destination.

When I’m far away from all the chaos, I lean against a tree and close my eyes.

The cold breeze slips through the barrier of my clothes and clashes against my bones. I inhale deeply, but I’m still unable to breathe properly.

I tap my chest as I stare at the cloudy sky through the tree’s leaves. But the longer I tap, the harder it is to breathe.

Something is trapped inside, and it’s impossible to let it out.

What am I supposed to do now?

I clearly chose Kirill over my family, and if I ever want to see them again—under peaceful circumstances, at least—I need to prove that he had nothing to do with the massacre.

But since this incident happened, I doubt he’ll ever trust me again. Hell, he might kill me.

What do I do then? Beg? Abandon ship and look for a new career?

Maybe I need to dedicate my life to looking for my brother, Anton. It’s been years since I last saw him, but I still like to think he’s alive somewhere. That he’s searching for me like I’m searching for him.

Once upon a time, he used to be the only one who told me the truth bluntly. Papa loved me too much to ever scold me. One smile, a kiss, or even an innocent blinking of my eyes is enough to have him completely forgive any mischievous things I’ve done.

Mama gave me lectures, but she also spoiled me rotten, and was part of the reason why I was excruciatingly sheltered.

Anton, however, was the one who told me, “You need to grow the fuck up, Malyshka. Our parents won’t last forever.”

I hated how abrasive he was at the time, but I came back to his words after the safe haven my parents built for me splintered and turned into a pool of blood before my eyes. I had to grow up in no time and I had only myself to rely on.

But now I’m tired. I wish I had Anton. I wish I could find him and tell him I’m sorry for being a spoiled brat.

But that means I’d have to leave.

The thought of losing everything I’ve had with Kirill so far makes my heart bleed. But so does the thought of losing my family.

My purpose.

The reason why I’m pretending to be a different gender.

How does one deal with being torn apart? How do I put myself back together again after forty-eight hours of pure hell?

“Sash.”

I dab at the corner of my eye and turn around to face Maksim, who’s accompanied by Yuri.

The sight of them makes me emotional again. I just want to hug them and cry, but that would just be weird.

Maksim squeezes my shoulder. “You okay?”

I nod. “Boss was the one hurt, not me.”

“We don’t mean physically, Sasha.” Yuri crosses his arms and leans against the tree beside me. “Anyone can see this incident has impacted you both mentally and emotionally.”

A ball constricts my throat, and I have to swallow a few times before I’m able to speak. “I’m okay.”

“Liar, liar.” Maksim slaps me teasingly on the arm. “You don’t have to act so strong.”

“Am I that obvious?” I ask in a small voice.

Maksim winces. “It’s written all over your face. Everyone knows how close you are to Boss, so of course you’d be this affected.”

“What happened?” Yuri asks in a soothing tone.

I shake my head. “Let him tell you.”

“Why can’t you tell us?” Maksim’s brows draw together.

Because you’d hate me and might kill me before Kirill has the chance to.