Landon & Shay: Part Two (L&S Duet #2)(26)

I wished I could say it wasn’t only sex, but that would’ve been a lie.

Tracey was right. I knew she and I had butted heads a few times throughout the years, but her words were spot-on this time. I’d emailed and texted Landon numerous times, and I hadn’t received one reply.

Not. A. Single. Reply.

But when he’d show up to my front porch, I’d foolishly let him back in—the same way Mom let Dad in for so many years.

What was I doing?

Who was I becoming?





9





Shay

Twenty-one years old





“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the party tonight?” Tracey asked me one Saturday night in April, tearing my attention away from my computer. “It is the spring fling, after all. Come on, Shay. I can’t think of anything that would be better for you. Booze, dancing, boys.” She put an emphasis on the word boys, and I was quick to pick up on it.

I sat at my desk with my legs folded like a pretzel. “I don’t think I’m going to make it tonight. I have to study for a big exam coming up.”

“Orrr you could study Jason Hopps.” She smirked, walking over to nudge me in the arm. “You know he’s been crazy about you forever. When are you going to give him a real shot?”

I smiled at my friend who’d been trying to play my fairy godmother by setting me up with Jason. We’d met the previous year during our creative writing course. When we were paired together to work on a short story, we developed a great friendship. Sure, I was aware that Jason had feelings for me. He’d straight-out told me the previous year at a party, then six months later at another party, and two months after that during yet another hang out, but I didn’t feel right returning the sentiment when my heart wasn’t fully free for someone to take.

It still belonged to a broken boy who’d disappeared from my life.

Even though I hadn’t heard from him in so long. It had been three months since Landon had last contacted me. After months of silence, I knew it was stupid that I still loved him. Even though I’d been ghosted, I didn’t know how to shut it off, especially on that day of all days. His birthday. Landon had always found his way to me on his birthday, be it in person or at least with a phone call.

“Jason and I are just friends,” I told her as I opened my laptop. “I don’t want to mess with that.” Plus, even though I hadn’t heard from Landon in so long, I was still his—at least in my heart, I was.

“Why not?” she groaned, exhausted by me always pushing Jason away. “He’s perfect. He’s hot, he’s smart, he smells like Christmas morning, and he loves his mother, but not in a creepy way where he’ll need therapy. Plus, rumor has it his gold member is solid, thick gold. What more could you want from a guy?!”

“I know Jason is amazing. Trust me, I know, but I just don’t see him that way.”

“That’s because you’re not looking. Please don’t tell me that it’s because of Landon. Shay. He’s gone, and you deserve the right to move on. You’re not still waiting for him, are you?”

“No, I’m not,” I lied, and she could tell it was a lie, too.

Tracey sighed, slapping her hand to her forehead. “Shay. You know I love you, but this is setting women back five thousand years. I don’t get what kind of hold this guy has on you, but he’s not worth it. I couldn’t care less if he’s some hot up-and-coming celebrity. That doesn’t give him the right to treat you like trash.”

“Maybe Tracey is right, Shay,” Raine said, joining the conversation. That was shocking to me. Raine had always been in Landon’s and my corner, so to hear her say those words felt like a dagger to my heart.

“You guys don’t understand. It’s complicated with him,” I said, and I felt like an idiot as the words escaped my lips.

“Love isn’t supposed to be this complicated, Shay. The way he treats you. The way he ignores you for months at a time. That’s not love. That’s abuse,” Raine said. “I know he’s like a brother to me, but wrong is wrong, and he’s doing you wrong.”

I clammed up after she said that. I felt my walls closing in as my friend spoke to me about how Landon wasn’t a good thing for me, but she didn’t know. She didn’t understand the way our hearts ticked whenever we were near each other. She didn’t understand why Landon’s and my connection was bigger than a normal kind of love.

We were messy, and broken, and complex, and beautiful.

Besides, one day he’d finish finding himself, and he’d come back to me one hundred percent. He had almost been there before his father passed away, so he’d be able to do it again. I knew he would. He’d just hit a bump in the road, but he’d figure it out.

I blinked my eyes shut, listening to my own thoughts, ashamed of them and ashamed of myself.

What was I doing? How had I gotten here? How had I put myself in a position to sound so much like the person my mother used to be? Waiting around for a man to love me fully, waiting for a man to come back for me.

“Maybe I’ll come out tomorrow,” I offered, hoping that would give my friends a bit of hope.

They both sighed, and Raine went to retrieve her purse. “Okay. Text us later if you change your mind.”