Just a Bit Dirty (Straight Guys #10)(59)

For a moment, he considered just going upstairs and hiding in his room, but that would be the cowardly choice. If he didn’t spend time with his family even on Christmas, that would definitely tell his siblings that he wasn’t fine, and the number of pitying looks he would receive would be unbearable.

Grimacing, Miles walked into the room and stretched out on the couch next to the Christmas tree. He pulled out his phone just to keep the pretense of being busy so that none of his siblings tried to drag him into a conversation.

He opened Google and stared at it for a long moment before closing it. No. Not today.

He opened WhatsApp. There was a new message from Harry. Over the past month, they’d become pretty good friends. Harry was a bit of a weirdo, to be honest, but Miles found that he didn’t mind. It was much easier to sustain his uncomplicated, easy friendship with Harry than with any of his other mates. They had met up for coffee a few times, but mostly he and Harry just texted. Harry constantly sent him funny kitten videos in the misguided belief that they would cheer him up. Miles didn’t disabuse him of the notion, even though he’d never really liked cats. It was the thought that counted. Besides, tiny cats were a lot cuter than adult cats.

But Harry’s new message wasn’t a kitten video.



Please don’t be angry. I kind of did something you told me not to do.



Frowning in bemusement, Miles typed a few question marks.

The doorbell rang, and Zach went to open it.

Miles didn’t pay it any mind, watching Harry type his reply. Harry was a very slow texter, so he expected it to take a while.

“Good evening. Is Miles here?”

That voice.

Miles froze, his phone clattering to the floor.

He lifted his gaze. It seemed to happen in slow motion, or maybe the world just slowed down.

There, at the door, stood Ian.

A noise left Miles’s throat, his eyes wide and unblinking as he stared at Ian’s face. Was this a dream? Was he dreaming?

But no, it really was Ian. His face was thinner, his cheekbones more prominent, and there seemed to be more gray at his temples than there had been before, but those eyes—Christ, those blue eyes were now fixated right on Miles over Zach’s shoulder, and Miles suddenly felt dizzy. Dizzy, breathless, and elated. Ian was alive. Ian was alive and well and here.

A wide, shaky grin split Miles’s face. He got to his feet, and the next thing he knew, he was in Ian’s arms, clinging to Ian with all his strength, his vision blurry from tears. Ian, Ian, Ian. God, Miles felt like he was drowning in him, in his scent, in the feel of his firm body against his own, in his low, familiar voice whispering sweet nothings in his ear as Ian hugged him back. Miles was drowning in him, but at the same time, he felt like he was breathing for the first time in months.

“You aren’t allowed to ever die,” he whispered harshly, mouthing at Ian’s neck before sinking his teeth in and sucking. There. Property of Miles Hardaway.

Ian let out a half-choked sound that was somewhere between a groan and a laugh.

“All right, I draw a line at that,” Zach’s voice said.

Zach’s voice. Zach.

Right. He was sucking on Ian’s neck and clinging to him in front of his entire family.

The realization didn’t make him loosen his grip on Ian at all. He wouldn’t let go. He would never let go.

“Miles,” Ian said gently enough but with an underlining firmness.

Miles shivered, his body reacting to that tone in a very predictable way.

Reluctantly, he pulled back a little, but he didn’t turn around to look at his family. He could feel their gazes on them, but at the moment, he couldn’t care less. All he could see was Ian’s face, Ian’s blue eyes roaming over him with the same hunger Miles could feel inside his chest—inside his very soul. God, Ian was alive. He was alive and well. It still didn’t seem real. He was irrationally afraid that he was going to wake up any moment now and Ian would be gone.

Reaching up, Miles put a shaky hand on Ian’s lean cheek. “You’re really here,” he whispered, his eyes filling with tears again as his trembling fingers mapped Ian’s face.

Ian’s eyes softened. He leaned into the touch, kissing the tips of Miles’s fingers.

Miles shivered, looking at him hungrily.

“Miles,” Zach said, sounding a mix of exasperated, irritated, and amused. “Let the man inside the house.”

Tristan chuckled. “Yes, Miles, stop feeling up the bloke before your brother has a stroke. Ha, that rhymed!”

Zach and Tristan continued bickering and saying something in the background, but Miles barely registered it. He completely lost himself in Ian’s eyes, his chest warm and full. I missed you so much.

“Miles Hardaway!” Sandra said exasperatedly. “You’re letting the chill in. Close the door, for God’s sake.”

Slowly, reluctantly, Miles pulled back, letting Ian step inside the house and close the door.

“Later,” Ian said hoarsely, looking him in the eye.

Miles nodded, feeling dazed and drunk and ridiculously, stupidly happy.

Slipping his hand into Ian’s, Miles finally turned around to face his family.

All of them were staring at him as if he’d grown a second head in the span of a few minutes.

“Eh,” Miles said intelligently, his face hot. “This is Ian. As you can see, he’s alive.”