Just a Bit Dirty (Straight Guys #10)(18)

“Keep smiling that way.” Flipping to a new page in his sketchbook, Ian quickly started sketching. Yes, Miles’s lips looked a little thinner when he smiled, and there was a barely noticeable dimple at the right corner…

Miles laughed. “What? I can’t make myself keep smiling just because you say so.”

“Why not?”

Miles rolled his eyes. “I think you were born in the wrong century, mate. I know actual lords who are less high-handed than you. There must be something wrong with me that I find it attractive.”

Ian snorted a laugh. “Stop coming onto me. I’m not interested.”

Miles gave an exaggerated sigh. “It figures that the only person I’ve been attracted to wouldn’t be interested back. Just my luck, I guess.”

Although he was smiling, Ian could see something like real dejection in Miles’s body language. Miles was… upset. Really upset, no matter how brightly he smiled.

Ian clenched his jaw, unsure why he suddenly felt as though he’d kicked a puppy. “Are you actually sulking because I’m not letting you suck my dick?”

Miles stroked his knuckles against his lips, cocking his head to the side. “I guess I am sulking,” he said with a rueful smile. “But not about not being allowed to suck your cock. In all seriousness, I didn’t expect you to let me do it—I get that you’re straight, and I’d hate to be that guy—the pushy guy who can’t take no for an answer. It’s just…” His brows furrowed, his smile vanishing. “My sexuality has always been confusing to me. I’m still not sure what I am, and I would have liked to find out if I’m really attracted to you or just imagining it.”

“How can you just imagine it? You either are attracted to someone or aren’t.”

“Not me,” Miles said, his lips twisting. “I thought I was attracted to the people I tried to have sex with, but well, I was wrong. As soon as the clothes came off, all I felt was discomfort and the urge to flee.” Two spots of pink appeared on his cheeks. “I couldn’t even get an erection.”

Ian set his sketchbook aside, watching him curiously. “Have you seen a doctor?”

Miles glared at him. “I’m not impotent,” he said stiffly. “I can wank.”

“Have you seen a doctor?” Ian repeated.

“Yeah,” Miles said, averting his gaze. “I’m healthy. There’s nothing wrong with me physically. The doctor claimed that most likely it’s all in my head: that I was just too nervous during my first time, and then that failure made me stressed out every time I tried to have sex again. That or I’m really asexual—maybe demisexual.”

“Have you talked about it to someone?”

Miles shook his head. “No one knows. Not even my family. I’ve been thinking about telling my brothers that I’m probably asexual, but… But now I feel so weird around you. And I’m not sure what the hell to think anymore.” His shoulders sagged, his lips pursed into a pout, every line of his body radiating defeat. He looked small, bewildered, and lost.

Ian’s lips thinned. He told himself it wasn’t his problem. He told himself that he had no reason to feel protective of this ridiculous, strange British boy with no brain-to-mouth filter.

It was no use. He didn’t like seeing Miles upset. That kicked-puppy look on Miles’s face was extremely aggravating.

“Come here,” Ian said.

Miles blinked at him in bemusement, but for once, he didn’t contradict him and did as he was told.

“What?” he said, coming to a halt in front of Ian’s armchair.

“Sit down,” Ian said.

Miles’s mouth worked soundlessly for a moment as he looked between Ian’s face and his lap. “Like, on your lap?”

Ian nodded.

“Why?”

“There are ways to find out if what you feel is attraction without sucking my dick,” Ian said dryly. “Sit.”

Moistening his lips with his tongue, Miles climbed into his lap.

At first it was extremely awkward, with Miles shifting and squirming until Ian finally got tired of watching it and arranged the boy to his satisfaction. Miles went still for a moment before sagging against Ian’s chest and putting his head on his shoulder.

Ian stared above his shoulder at the opposite wall, wondering when this had become his life. He had another man in his lap. While Miles didn’t weigh a lot, he was quite a bit heavier than any woman who’d ever sat in his lap. But it didn’t feel uncomfortable. The way he fit against him… there was something inexplicably nice about it.

“Want to flee yet?” Ian said, putting a hand on Miles’s lower back.

Miles was very quiet. Then he shifted, until his nose was pressed against the side of Ian’s neck. “Nope. Feels good.” He inhaled shakily. “I love how you smell.”

He had another guy nuzzling his neck. It felt nowhere near as off-putting as Ian had expected.

Ian ran his fingers through Miles’s hair, and felt Miles’s body go completely pliant, soft, and relaxed. Miles was breathing unevenly, rubbing his face against Ian’s throat like an overgrown, affectionate kitten. If he were a kitten, he would probably be purring, Ian thought, amused.

“I want more,” Miles whispered, sounding surprised. “I want to lick your Adam’s apple. May I?”