Josh and Gemma Make a Baby(93)

“Wowwww,” one of the girls says.

The security officer turns on his walkie-talkie. “We’ve got a nutter here who thinks she flew in from outer space. I need some backup.”

The Scottish girl wrinkles her brow and looks at my expression.

Then she nods. “Alright. We’ll help.”

“How?” a redheaded guy in a black leather cape asks.

“We’ll make a scene,” I say. “So big that Josh can’t ignore us.”

“Ma’am, I suggest you get in the queue.”

I turn to the security guard and glare.

The Scottish girl says, “You’re going to feel like a real wanker when you realize you tried to prevent intergalactic love.”

He sighs and says into his walkie-talkie, “Hurry with the backup.”

Then the group of teenagers behind me starts shouting, “Grim! Grim! Jewel is here. She’s here!”

I jump up and down and wave at Josh.

“Jewel’s here!” they shout. “She flew a really long way!”

The people in line look over at us. A little girl points at me.

I keep jumping up and down, waving my arms, trying to get Josh to see me. Finally, he looks up from signing a book. He frowns at me and wrinkles his brow. For a second, I think he recognizes me because he leans forward and his eyes widen, but then he shakes his head and turns away.

“Josh, look! I’m here!” I shout.

But the security guard keeps stepping in front of me. I’m twenty feet from Josh’s table and he doesn’t see me, he doesn’t realize it’s me.

“Josh! It’s me! Gemma!”

“She’s Jewel,” the teens shout.

Then, the worst thing that can happen does. All the other women in line that are dressed as Jewel start shouting, “I’m Jewel! I’m Jewel! No, I’m Jewel! Me too!”

I can see Josh’s face. He shakes his head and he looks like he’s about to start laughing. Like life is the biggest joke. Like life is his playground. Like he has women pretending to be his Jewel every day of the week. Like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

But he does. I know he does. I know him.

“Sir,” the security guard shouts, “do you know this Jewel woman?”

Josh gives a laughing grin and shakes his head no. And then, he calls the next person in line forward to sign their comic book.

I can’t believe it. I cannot believe it. I’m so exhausted, I haven’t really slept for days, I’m worn out, and all I want is to hold Josh and tell him I love him. And I don’t want to wait to do it.

“Ma’am, it’s time to go. Back to Mars or wherever you flew in from,” the security guard says.

That’s it.

If you want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it.

I reach down and yank off my shoe. Then I fling it past the security guard. It flies through the air and hits Josh’s table with a crack.




She threw a shoe at him.

He jerks back and looks up in shock.

“Josh!”

I pull off my other shoe and chuck it at his table. It skids across the floor.

Josh stands up and sends a quizzical look in my direction.

“It’s me,” I call. But the noise of a thousand people packed into a conference center buries my voice and it doesn’t reach him.

He frowns and looks toward me. Like maybe he realizes that no one else in his life but me would know that throwing a shoe at him would catch his attention.

Because, who throws shoes? Honestly?

I jump up and down and wave my arms, “Josh!”

“That’s it, ma’am. You’re being escorted from the premises,” the security guard says. He starts walking toward me. Then I notice that there are three other security guards closing in.

This isn’t looking good.

But, as the extremely sexy, world-famous quote-maven Josh Lewenthal once said, “Anything is possible if you put your mind to it.”

However, as I once said, you have to pick your battles. And right now, I’m about to be tackled by a group of burly security guards.

I look to my left, away from the approaching guards. There’s a space through the crowd, and something else, something that you better believe the universe provided just for this moment. I sprint barefoot across the floor toward the low stage with a microphone in the middle. There’s a blonde woman at the microphone announcing a special event starting in only five minutes. When she finishes her announcement she sets the microphone back in its stand.

I run up the steps. “Excuse me. Sorry. I just…sorry.” I grab the microphone. From the height of the stage I can see the security guards hurrying towards me. I don’t have all that much time.

“Josh,” I say, “it’s me, Gemma.”

We’re a hundred feet apart, separated by a big crowd and four angry security guards. But when he hears me his head snaps up and he looks around the room.

I start inching down the stairs on the opposite side of the stage from the approaching guards, trying to delay my inevitable escorting out.

“You once said that love is the best gift we ever have the privilege to give, and for a long while I didn’t believe you. I thought I did, but I didn’t.”

Josh comes out from behind his table and tries to look over the crowd to find me. He doesn’t see me. The security guards have made it to the stage. My time’s almost up.