Josh and Gemma Make a Baby(89)

I press my hand to my abdomen. I’m glad to have loved.

I think of Josh, cradling me in his arms. I’m glad to have loved.

I think of my mom and sister, my brother and dad. I’m glad to have loved.

I think of Jeremy, of my broken heart, and I’m glad to have loved.

I look around the room, at my friends, and I am glad to have loved.

Carly takes a deep, steadying breath and gives me a small smile.

Then she leans forward and puts her mouth to her husband’s ear. As she whispers to him, his shoulders straighten and his head tilts up. He looks at her with something like awe.

“You love me?” he asks in a stunned voice. “You love me.”

Suddenly, he shakes himself off, stands, grabs Carly under her legs and pulls her into his arms like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold.

“I’m taking you home,” he growls. Then he whispers something to Carly. Her face flames bright red and she looks over her husband’s shoulder and smiles at us.

“Wow,” Brook says.

Hannah stares at them with wide eyes.

“Ladies. Have a good night,” says Theo. Then he swiftly carries Carly out of our pink uterus room. She waves at us from over his shoulder.

We stare after them in stunned silence. When the cellar door clatters shut, Brook shakes herself and says, “She really should’ve asked for an island.”

Hannah starts to laugh and then after she wipes her eyes, she asks, “Was there any more pie?”

I grin at her. “There sure is.”

We scoot in our chairs and eat out of the box, our forks scraping the bottom of the pan. While we eat I tell them about the baby not sticking, about Josh’s dad, and the truth that I’ve not been able to face. That I’ve been misjudging people I care about, hiding behind quotes, and hiding from love.

“I knew you had a thing for the FF,” Brook says.

I give her a skeptical look. “No you didn’t. You thought there was blackmail involved or a fetish.”

She holds back a laugh and shrugs. “Well, I never said I was always right.”

“What are you going to do?” asks Hannah.

I look at my two friends, and I know that whatever I decide to do, they’ll support me. Or they’ll tell me they think I’m being an idiot. Either way, they’ll be here for me.

“Well, his dad just died and he’s mourning, that’s not the best time to start a relationship,” I begin.

“That’s rough,” Brook says.

“And he’s headed to Europe for a tour.”

Hannah nods.

“And for the past seven years, I’ve worked for the man that stole his ideas and pretended they were his own. And I continuously quoted that man to him and…I’ve really messed up. You know?”

Brook pops a bit of apple into her mouth and nods. “You have,” she says around her mouthful.

But then I think about Carly and how she was brave enough to tell the truth.

“I’m going to tell him,” I say. “I’m going to tell him the truth.”

“I think you should read his comic,” Hannah says.

I stare at her and shake my head. “What?”

She nods quickly. “It’s really good. You should read it.”

“You still haven’t read it?” Brook asks. She’s swiping her finger on the bottom of the pie plate.

“No.” And I have to admit, I’m embarrassed by that fact. Why haven’t I read his comic?

Brook shakes her head. “Gemma. Read his comic.”

But I’m thinking about something else. “What if…what if he says that he doesn’t feel the same way?” I voice my biggest fear out loud.

But neither of them have to answer, because I already know. I take a breath. “It’s okay,” I say. “If he doesn’t, I’m still glad to have loved.”

Brook pats her hand against my thigh. “Thatta girl. Also, I had a client once in a similar situation, she took a meat cleaver—”

“Brook!” Hannah stands and shakes her head. “I’m going home. The pie’s gone and I have an hour of fertility meditations and fertility yoga before bed.”

Brook and I stand too, and I grab the empty box and the plates and cups.

Hannah digs around in her purse while I do, then she makes a happy sound and holds a piece of paper out for me. “I printed this out the other day. It might give you courage.”

I take the folded, crumpled paper and open it up. It’s a computer print-out of a single frame comic, with Josh’s signature and date at the bottom. It’s from just before Valentine’s Day. The panel shows a man staring into the distance. His expression is forlorn. The words say, ‘I’ve never regretted the doing. Only the not doing.’

My heart thumps in my chest.

Josh drew this right after my transfer.

And then Ian quoted it to him.

“Who is this?” I ask, pointing at the man.

“That’s Grim. The main character in Josh’s comic.” She closes her purse and starts walking out.

Brook and I follow.

“You’ve read it?” I ask Brook.

She rolls her eyes. “Duh. I’m one of those freaks in costume, waiting to get my comic book signed.”