Jane Doe(45)

“I think it’s more than okay.”

I don’t get periods. I’m on a continuous cycle of birth control pills, so I’m in complete control of my hormones. But it’s a good way to put Steven off whenever I want to. As far as he’ll know, I bleed like a stuck pig every twenty days. It’s not like he’d ever take the chance of coming in contact with my menstrual blood. Please.

Steven drives me home and I’m free for the entire afternoon. I play with my cat and then walk to the little Italian restaurant for an early dinner. I drink a whole carafe of wine by myself. It’s heaven.





CHAPTER 30

Looks like it’s the last warm day of fall.

I pause in my data entry and glance at my phone to read Luke’s text.

A few seconds later a second one appears. Want to go to the zoo tonight?

The zoo? My hands hover over the keyboard as I frown at the bizarre question. Why would I want to go to the zoo? I’m not a child.

Not that I ever went to the zoo as a child either. There weren’t a lot of zoos in the panhandle.

I text back three question marks.

The zoo is lit up for the holiday season starting in November. Supposed to be 50 degrees tonight. Go with me?

Maybe this is a thing that normal people do? I shrug and text back a yes, agreeing to meet him outside my apartment at 6:30.

Luke is one of those impulses I have trouble resisting. Being involved with him doesn’t forward my mission here. In fact, it puts it in danger. Unfortunately I like a little danger. It quickens my blood the same way sex does. Otherwise, the world is too steady for me. Boring. Maybe that’s why so many sociopaths end up habitually hurting people, even killing them. It’s not about the people; it’s about the danger.

And there’s a good chance Luke will get hurt here. When I leave, I’ll go abruptly and I may very well leave a trail of crimes in my wake. No one knows I’m involved with Luke. He won’t get pulled in. But he may find out and be hurt or frightened at how close we were. Or maybe he won’t care. I’m not sure.

As I’ve said before, it’s difficult to figure out how nice people work. I can manipulate Luke with sex, but a nice guy wants more than that, apparently. He wants to go to lunch and . . . and to zoos.

There’s finally birthday cake in the office today, and I jump up from my desk when I see everyone else headed toward the far corner of the floor. It’s Karen’s birthday. I don’t know Karen, but I sing along with the crowd and clap when she blows out the candles. Someone tries to hand me a piece of cake, but I pass it along and wait for a bigger slice. It’s chocolate with white frosting, my favorite. Steven steps off the elevator just as I stuff a huge bite into my mouth. His eyebrows rise and then drop into a deep frown. I wish I had milk. There’s nothing better than chocolate cake and ice-cold milk.

He joins the circle and stands next to me as he accepts his own piece. “Happy birthday, Karen!” he calls; then he nudges me and lowers his voice. “Are you skipping lunch?”

“No, why?”

“Really?” He shifts his eyes meaningfully to my cake.

“Lunch isn’t for an hour.”

“I know, but you just had cake on Saturday.”

“So did you.”

He rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

I try to pout while still chewing my next bite. “I’m not fat, and you’re making me feel bad.”

“I know you’re not fat, baby, but you don’t have a lot of wiggle room.”

I take my cake back to my desk.

Once he’s in his office, I text him. Was your ex-girlfriend skinnier than me?

I can actually hear him sigh from his office.

I told you she was crazy.

Yeah, but she had a hot body, right?

Sure.

He waits a few minutes, and when I don’t respond, he texts, Don’t pout. You know I think you’re hot.

I text back a heart and finish my cake. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m really looking forward to going to the zoo.





CHAPTER 31

I have a few minutes to spare before heading downstairs to meet Luke, so I read through the papers I stole from the Hepsworths’ desk on Saturday. I glanced over them yesterday, of course, but I was busy playing with my cat and then doing laundry and grocery shopping, and I get distracted easily.

Old Pastor Hepsworth has a low sperm count and decreased motility. He also has trouble regularly maintaining an erection long enough to ejaculate. Viagra was prescribed to good effect. The patient was counseled that a sperm donor could decrease the chances of miscarriage and birth defect due to the father’s age. It doesn’t say whether the patient heeded the advice.

I wonder if Rhonda is disappointed with the marriage she ended up with. I mean, it seems most people wind up disappointed with marriage one way or the other, but she made a clear exchange: wealth and prestige instead of a young husband. Fine. Pastor Hepsworth made his own deal: a young and beautiful wife instead of one more likely to stay satisfied and settled. An unspoken bargain between the two of them, I’m sure, but one they both agreed to.

I read through the records once more to be sure I haven’t missed anything, then tuck the papers into the top shelf of my closet and grab my winter coat. It’s pleasant in the sun today, but the light is already fading.