Jade Fire Gold(46)

The last gong signals the end of the meal and gives Tai Shun the excuse to end the conversation. He tries to whisk me away, but we are pursued by nobleman after noblewoman. He fabricates as many smiles as he has to, nodding along to whatever inane praise and platitude he’s showered with. He presents me to a minister here, a lord there, and eager young men who want to impress me for some reason.

I find myself affixing a smile, nodding the way Tai Shun does, like I’m paying attention to what they are saying though my mind is somewhere else.

A few court ladies stop us in our tracks, each proceeding to flirt with Tai Shun in some manner. His discomfort is obvious, and his eyes keep darting to the other corner of the hall, as if there’s someone there he’d rather be with. I crane my neck to look.

Leiye. He’s finally here.

Clad in his house colors of resplendent emerald and silver, his handsome face is clouded with worry. He’s talking to my father, their heads bowed close together.

“I beg your pardon, Your Highness, but my father mentioned he had some important news to tell you about the southeastern provinces,” I say loudly above the chittering ladies.

Tai Shun claps his hands and they stop talking. “Then we must see the premier at once.” Vicious glares shoot my way as he takes my arm.

“I’m afraid I’m making some enemies tonight,” I say through my teeth as we walk away.

Tai Shun’s brow furrows. “Does that bother you?”

“Not at all.”

“Splendid,” he says, stumbling over his own feet.

I elbow him upright. “You owe me.”

He blinks a few times. “Don’t worry, I am not drunk enough to forget how you just spared me from that tedious conversation. Now, where exactly are you taking me?”

“To my father, like I said, and Xima Leiye.”

Tai Shun pales and pulls me back. I can’t tell if it’s fear or something else in his eyes. It passes quickly.

“No.”

“I thought you wanted to talk to them.”

“You thought wrong. I don’t want to see Leiye.” Tai Shun’s expression is carefully schooled, but I see his fist tightening around the jade amulet hanging from his waistband. “Or the premier.”

“Then why did you keep looking at him? Leiye, that is.”

“Please, let us go somewhere else.” He looks desperate to leave.

I nod.

Somehow, we manage to escape the banquet hall with little fanfare and end up in a garden by the eastern wing near my chambers—and his. Empress Zhenxi housed me right by her son. I didn’t know that. Surely even my newfound status doesn’t allow for this.

Tai Shun drops to the ground and lies on his back. He starts pulling out blades of grass from the ground, tossing them into the air. They fall back onto him, scattered green on white. I wonder if he’s trying to bury himself somehow. To hide from the world.

After a while, he points at the plum blossom tree next to us. Its branches stretch out above our heads. “That was her favorite tree.”

“Her?”

“My aunt. She was always so kind to me.”

“I’m sorry.” I’d heard that after Emperor Ren Long was assassinated, his wife killed her two children—a boy and a girl—and then herself.

“I miss him.”

“Him?” I repeat, despite having an inkling as to who he might be referring to.

“My cousin.” The moonlight catches a wet glimmer in Tai Shun’s eyes. “The prince who should have been emperor.” He wrenches more grass from the ground and raises a finger up at the roof of a tall building adjacent to the garden. “It happened right there.”

“What happened?”

“I fell.”

“You’re lucky to be alive,” I exclaim, noting how high the roof is.

“Lucky isn’t the word I’d use to describe my fate that day. I lost my best friend.”

“I’m so sorry.” I don’t pry any further, certain that the truth hurts him too much. But my silence seems to move him to speak.

“And now, I have to be emperor.” He laughs humorlessly. “I have to deal with this mess of an Empire. I am trapped, stuck in a life of power I cannot wield. A life where I control the fates of millions but not my own. I shall make decisions based on the will of my court, smile when I’m asked to, cut off heads when I’m told to.” His voice softens. “Marry someone I don’t love for political gain, have heirs who will fight over a stupid throne.”

I remember the way Tai Shun looked at Leiye, how he reacted when I mentioned his name. I thought he was afraid of Leiye. But now, I realize what he feels is a different sort of fear. It’s the fear of someone who has fallen so deep that he is no longer sure if he will be able to dig his way out.

“You like him,” I say with a smile.

Tai Shun covers his face with his hands and groans. “Am I that transparent? We met only a few hours ago and now you know my secrets.”

“Maybe I’m just observant.”

He lowers his hands and sits up, face slightly pink. “We grew up together. I’ve known him since I was a child.”

“Once you’re emperor, you could do anything. You could—”

“No, I couldn’t.” He shakes his head. “That is not how it works. Besides, it’s not like he feels the same. And more importantly, Mother would never approve. The Empire needs an heir.”