Irresistible (Cloverleigh Farms #1)(33)

Ten seconds later I was going up the stairs three at a time, then opening Millie’s door. “Millie? You still awake, honey?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” I asked, fighting for composure.

“Okay.”

I walked over to her bed and sat down at her feet. “I saw the message from Mom on your phone. Is that what’s bothering you?”

Silence. “She said she’s coming to visit.”

“I know.”

“Is she really coming this time?”

“That, I don’t know.”

Millie rolled over and looked up at me. “Sometimes I really miss her and wish she was here. And sometimes I wish she would just stay away.”

My throat got tight. “It’s okay to wish that, honey. Everything you feel is okay.”

“There’s a mother-daughter fashion show at school,” she went on sadly.

“I saw that. What’s it for?”

“It’s some kind of fundraiser. You get to make your own outfits. All my friends are doing it.”

“Well, that’s stupid and unfair,” I snapped. “Not everybody has a mother around.”

“All my friends do. Even if their parents are divorced, their mothers are still around.”

I exhaled, guilt weighing heavily on my shoulders. “I’m sorry, Mills.”

Millie was silent a moment. “Does she even love us anymore?”

“Of course she does.” I leaned over her, bracing a hand above her shoulder and brushing her hair back from her face. “And so do I.”

“I know you do.”

It should have made me happy, but I still felt like somehow, it wasn’t enough. I tried again. “Sometimes moms and dads decide they don’t want to be married anymore, but they always love their children.”

“But if you love someone, you want to be with them, don’t you?”

“Well … yes. Usually. But love is complicated.”

“It shouldn’t be,” she said with ferocity. “If you love someone, nothing else should matter. You should do everything you can to be with them as much as possible.”

“I agree.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Mom says you didn’t love her enough and that’s why she had to leave.”

My composure slipped. “That’s fucking ridiculous.” Then I sighed. “Sorry. I’ll put a dollar in the jar when I go downstairs.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to. I was mad when she said that too. It made me feel bad.”

“You have nothing to feel bad about.” Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to her forehead. “Listen. Maybe I wasn’t good at loving her. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. I don’t know. In all honesty, honey, I just felt confused most of the time. But what matters to me now is that you and your sisters know how much I love you and want to be the most awesome dad possible, even if your college funds are being depleted by the swear jar.”

That brought a little smile.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.”

“What?”

“What if I did the fashion show with you?”

“You?”

I sat up tall and puffed out my chest. “Yes, me. I’m a good-looking dude, don’t you think?”

She giggled. “I guess.”

Getting off the bed, I did my best John Travolta Saturday Night Fever strut across her room. “And I’ve got moves, Millsy.”

“Oh my God, Dad. Please do not walk like that in front of my friends. Ever.”

“Hey, listen. It is a dad’s solemn duty to embarrass his children in their adolescent years as often as possible. So no promises.”

“Are you really going to do the show with me?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes. But I need to ask and make sure it’s okay to have a dad in the mother-daughter fashion show.”

“If it isn’t, we’re suing them for discrimination,” I said, pointing a finger at her.

She smiled, and I almost felt like things were okay in the world again. Maybe I wasn’t Superdad, but I was doing this.

“’Night, honey.” I blew her a kiss and headed for the door.

Downstairs, I folded some laundry, stacked everyone’s piles in baskets, and opened up my laptop on the dining room table. I emailed Sawyer and DeSantis that I wouldn’t be in tomorrow because of childcare issues, asked if meetings could please be rescheduled, and apologized for the late notice. Then I tried to tackle some of the work tasks that I’d been unable to finish during the day, but I still found it hard to concentrate.

At midnight, I finally gave up and went to bed, but even though I was tired, I couldn’t fall asleep. I was mad at Carla, worried she wouldn’t show, worried she would show, concerned about Millie, fearful I wasn’t handling her questions right, anxious about the future, and desperate to make things right with Frannie again. But how?

I couldn’t go backward and undo what we’d done. I couldn’t unhear the words she’d spoken. I couldn’t unfeel this longing for her. But I couldn’t act on it, either. My girls aside, Frannie deserved someone who could put her first, someone at the same stage of life she was in, who had all the time and energy in the world to dedicate to making her happy.