Invisible(73)

They both lingered at the front door, and he walked her to her car, and they stood there with the snow falling before she got into her car. The scene was incredibly beautiful and her large comfortable farmhouse lit up like Christmas loomed invitingly in the distance, with his cheerful little cottage as an extension of it.

“I loved being in South Africa with you. Thank you for letting me go with you,” he said, not knowing what else to say. He couldn’t tell her he had fallen in love with her, she would think he was insane.

“It was nice having you there,” she said softly, and glanced up at him. As their eyes met, words disappeared, and they didn’t need them. It didn’t matter what they said, he pulled her gently toward him and she didn’t resist him, as they kissed standing in the falling snow. Neither of them knew if it was a terrible mistake or what they’d been waiting for, for years, and didn’t know it. But did one ever know? Hamish could have been a mistake, and had turned out to be the biggest blessing of her life, even for such a short time. But she wouldn’t have missed it. And neither Boden nor Antonia could tell where they were headed now. There was no stopping what they felt, and they both knew it. It seemed worth the risk.

    “Good night,” he said softly, as she looked up at him and they smiled.

“Thank you,” was all she said, instead of “I love you,” which was suddenly a given they both understood.

He kissed her again, and she got into the car with the snow heavy on her hair and her clothes, and on her eyelashes. She was so beautiful it made him long for her as he looked at her. He didn’t want to frighten her. As brave as she was, he always had the feeling that if he moved too fast, she would run away. She liked to observe, but not be seen.

He stood watching her and waved, as she backed out of his driveway, heading toward her house. He stood there until the car disappeared around a bend.



* * *



—

Boden helped Antonia with Dash until he went back to school in March after spring vacation. Boden hadn’t found a house yet, but she had kept him busy with projects at the studio. They spent countless hours talking, and she let him read some of the projects she was considering. She was working on a new screenplay, which was very powerful. It was the one he liked best, and in June she went to Fred with it, to have him put the production financing together, which didn’t take him long, since it was hers.

Boden had stopped looking for houses by then, and they took long walks on the farm, and rode in the hills together. He seemed to fit into her life perfectly, like a puzzle piece that had been missing. He gave her life depth and color, and on a summer afternoon, when Dash was in New Hampshire with friends, and Olympia was in L.A. rehearsing for a movie she had just been hired for, Antonia and Boden wound up in his cottage, and the inevitable happened. He was the first man she had made love with since Hamish, and the second in her life.

    But she felt there was room for him in her life now. There wouldn’t have been before that. But she was ready now, and so was he.



* * *



—

They were discreet for the rest of the summer, while Fred worked on the financing for her new film. Boden was taking on more and more responsibility in the studio, and she consulted him about everything now. Her children were coming home for Labor Day weekend, and she told him to stay in the main house and not move back to the cottage. He had started spending the nights with her sometime in July. It was just easier.

“Do you think they’re ready for that?” Boden asked her about her kids, and she smiled.

“Are we?”

“I think so,” he answered with his arms around her. “I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.” She no longer seemed skittish with him, and he no longer had the feeling that she was about to disappear.

“I want you here with me,” she said simply. “They’ll get used to it. They love you too.” She felt lucky when she looked at him every morning. He was a beautiful man, but that wasn’t what tied her to him. She felt safe with him, just as she had with Hamish. Boden let her be herself. He had no ulterior motive, no hidden plan, no agenda for her. He wanted nothing from her.

    “I used to want to be invisible,” she confided to him one day, “so no one could hurt me, if they didn’t see me.”

“And now?” he asked her.

“I feel safe most of the time. With you anyway. I suppose there will always be times when I need to disappear. I don’t like people focusing on me.” He knew that about her, and let her come and go as she needed to, like when she was writing and needed time alone.

“You can be invisible any time you want. And I’ll be here when you want to be visible again.”

“I always want to be visible with you.” She smiled at him and he kissed her. “I think you should forget about looking for a house. If my kids survive the weekend, you can move in. And I think they’ll be fine about it.”

She said something to both of them about it that weekend. Dash was thrilled and said he loved him, and Olympia laughed at her.

“Old news, Mom. Do you think we’re both blind? You two have been crazy about each other since last Thanksgiving. I was waiting for you to say something months ago, but you never did.”

“I hadn’t figured it out yet,” Antonia said, looking embarrassed.