Invisible(50)
There were tears in her eyes when she left the apartment, and she felt sick to her stomach, and so did Lara. They both could see that her father was incapable of being fair to her wherever an acting career was involved, or anything that reminded him of Antonia’s mother. He was obsessed with his own visions of immorality and drug abuse, and promiscuity. He could not conceive, or believe, that Antonia could still be a decent person and work as an actress. There was no point even talking to him about it.
She went back to the apartment when she knew he wouldn’t be there, and packed some things she wanted to send to London. Lara met her there and helped her. She left only a few mementos of her childhood at her father’s apartment. She couldn’t imagine going there again, nor could Lara. They continued to meet for lunch downtown near school, and went to the movies together once in a while, but Antonia didn’t have much time in her last months of school.
Hamish flew in roughly once a month for a weekend with her, when she wasn’t overwhelmed with writing assignments, senior projects, or exams. She wanted to graduate with honors, and kept her grades up till the end.
She debated about inviting her father to her graduation, and finally decided that she should since he had paid for her education, no matter what he thought of it, and of her, now. In the end she sent the invitation, and Lara accepted with joy. Brandon threw it in the wastebasket when he saw it.
“Brandon, you have to go. She doesn’t have a mother. You’re the only parent she has.”
“She has you, and you’re a hell of a lot better than her mother. She broke her word, Lara. She promised me she’d never become an actress, and look what she’s doing. She lied to me. This is going to be the third movie she’ll be in, because of that sleazebag producer she’s sleeping with to get the part.” It turned Lara’s stomach to hear him say it.
“He’s not a sleazebag. He’s an Oscar-winning producer and director, a very famous one. And she says he’s wonderful to her. And he has an impeccable reputation.”
“Those guys are all the same,” he said with obvious disgust, “and he’s old enough to be her father. What do you think that’s about? It’s all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and when he gets tired of her, what do you think will happen? She’ll end up in the gutter like her mother. Fabienne belonged there all along. I just wasn’t smart enough to see it.”
“Antonia’s not like that and you know it. And what if you’re wrong? What if she becomes a famous actress, or a filmmaker of some kind?”
“She doesn’t need me, if that’s what she does.”
“Parents are supposed to give their children unconditional love. You’re telling Antonia that you only love her if she’s not an actress.”
“That’s right, I am. She knew how I feel about it, and she did it anyway.”
“You’ve blamed her all her life for her mother’s sins.” It was no longer a secret.
“I know I have. Can you blame me? She walked out on both of us, with her sleazy little druggie friends from Studio 54, to run away to Hollywood.”
“She was an idiot, a bad wife, and a terrible mother. Antonia is a wonderful girl, she’s never given you a minute of trouble. How can you abandon her now? It’s as bad as what her mother did to her when she was seven. And you’re bigger and smarter than that. You have no excuse.”
“I don’t need an excuse,” he said with a hard look on his face.
“Don’t you miss her? I do, I hardly see her anymore.”
“I don’t miss what she’s turning into, and will become in that world.”
Lara walked out of the room then. There was no point talking to him. It was like talking to a wall.
* * *
—
Lara attended Antonia’s graduation, and Hamish had flown in the night before. Lara met him for the first time, and was bowled over by him. Despite his fame and enormous success, she thought he was a very gentle, modest man, and his eyes lit up every time he looked at Antonia. Lara was relieved to see it, given the harsh treatment by her father. Brandon had had very impressive financial success, and had lost his soul somewhere along the way. And as time went on, Lara had realized that the only things he liked spending money on were what he considered investments. For comfort or for fun or even a special occasion, he did not spend a penny. All that mattered to him was his business and his money, and he was willing to sacrifice his daughter because she was choosing a career path he didn’t like or approve of. And he refused to see the difference between Antonia and Fabienne.
* * *
—
Lara had lunch with Antonia and Hamish after the graduation at the Gramercy Park Hotel, and Antonia had her diploma displayed proudly on the table. She had graduated magna cum laude. Both Lara and Hamish thought it was a crime that her father wasn’t there. But Lara was happy to know now that Antonia was in good hands. Hamish had taken on the role of father as well as lover, and Lara could see why Antonia was so comfortable with him. He wanted to shield her from all the hardships of the world, including her heartless, emotionally abusive father, who had starved her of love all her life. Hamish saw no reason why Antonia should see him again, and urged her not to. Lara felt that way herself, and thought that Antonia was better off without him. Lara had tried so hard to soften him, but Fabienne had left him bitter and damaged beyond redemption. She was sorry she hadn’t understood it better herself before she married him. His anger and bitterness tainted everything, and he was unpleasant to be around. But he was the loser in the end. Antonia was on her way to a better life without him, and Lara was happy for her.