Into the Light (The Light, #1)(25)

Jacob sighed. “One strictly enforced rule was put into place by Father Gabriel to teach patience. That’s one of the reasons so many of us follow him. He has answers, reasons behind each decree. He didn’t create the rules for The Light arbitrarily; each one has meaning and purpose. As I said, this rule teaches that patience is a virtue. God’s word instructs men to marry virtuous women. Therefore all women of The Light, such as yourself, are forbidden from questioning men, including your husband. This teaches you, and all the women, patience. Answers will be revealed in God’s time, not yours.”

I tried to understand. “You’re saying that I can’t ask you what happened? I’m supposed to wait until you tell me?”

“Yes,” he said with a laugh. Kissing the top of my head, he added, “You do realize that was a question, yes?”

The corners of my lips moved upward. “No, I mean, now I do.” I let go of his hand as my smile faded. “Does that mean you’re going to . . . correct me?”

He reached for my hand. “I wish we had more time to discuss this right now.” His thumb slowly moved in a circle, caressing my knuckles. “We originally learned all of this together. That was easier than explaining it now. It feels like I’m introducing you to a whole new way of life when in truth we chose this path together. Do you remember yesterday when I told you that I’d accepted responsibility for you?”

I nodded, trying unsuccessfully to stop my slight trembling.

“Part of that responsibility,” he continued, “includes recognizing that not all violations are equal.” He leaned closer and his body warmed my side. When he lifted my hand to his lips, my shaking stilled. Instead of correction, he was delivering gentle kisses to the tops of my knuckles. “Sara, whether you recall the particulars or not, we have a good marriage. You’re not abused; you’re disciplined. Correction is never done in anger. Father Gabriel teaches that men must lead. It’s our job, how we were created. Taking responsibility for you is required, but you and I love one another and I accepted that challenge willingly. I do what I need to do to help you and make your life easier. Correction defines your boundaries, giving you the freedom to feel safe. Since the delivery of the correction, as well as the mode, is up to me, I can also decide when there are exceptions, times when correction isn’t necessary. Part of my responsibility is to decipher intent.” He lifted my chin. “I don’t think that a moment ago you intended to question again, did you?”

I shook my head. “No, I didn’t.”

“I believe you. Your honesty is part of this equation. Sara, we’ve always been honest with one another. Don’t let this problem with your memory change that.”

I still didn’t like the premise, but his explanation and absolution eased a bit of my apprehension. “Thank you for explaining. I’m sorry that I don’t remember all of the rules. I’ll try.” I wanted to remember. I also liked this Jacob, the one who explained things. I wanted him on my side.

“I know you will. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Sara.” His tone changed when he said my name, clearly meaning that whatever he was about to say was beyond question. “No more talking, and be cognizant of your nonverbal responses to Sister Lilith’s questions.”

I nodded.

“Very good,” Jacob said, petting my hair as he stood. The bed shifted and the warmth of his body against mine vanished. The tangible void sent a chill through me, reminding me that soon I’d be left alone—alone with Sister Lilith.

“Brother Jacob?”

Warmth returned as I grinned toward the sound of Raquel’s now familiar voice from the doorway. It wasn’t the first time she’d entered my room today. She’d been in earlier to help with my shower. Well, not really with my shower. Jacob had done that. She’d helped by putting whatever she used over my cast to keep it dry. Jacob was the one who’d washed my body. I’d expected to remember his touch, but I hadn’t. It didn’t feel wrong—it felt foreign, but then again, so did everything else.

Just now, when he’d kissed my hand, the sensation was different, unexpected—soft and affectionate. I liked that side of my husband. That was the side that made me feel safe and loved. I blushed at the memory of his using that word, saying that we loved one another. Even if I didn’t remember, I was loved.

Lost in my thoughts, I’d forgotten my plan to be a sponge and missed part of Raquel and Jacob’s conversation.

“. . . I want that made perfectly clear.” I didn’t need to hear Jacob’s entire speech. I knew what he was emphasizing.

“I will,” Raquel replied. “I’d be happy to stay with Sara, to make this easier for her on her first day. Sister Lilith can’t deny my presence, if you authorize it.”

My heart leaped. I wanted it, but she wasn’t asking me. Actually, she wasn’t asking Jacob either—she was offering. Sucking my lower lip between my teeth, I made a mental note to think about semantics later and waited for his response. There was definitely a trick to being a . . . what did he call it? . . . a woman of The Light.

“Thank you.” He sighed with relief. “By the smile on my wife’s face, if she’d stop biting that lip, I think she’d be happy to have you.” He tugged my lip free. “Remember my rules.”

I nodded, grinning over his answer.