In an Instant(69)

“You,” my mom says. “You and the stupid fortune cookie philosophy you’re always doling out to the girls. Every journey begins with a single step. Clear your mind of can’t. Fear is what stops you; courage is what keeps you going.”

My dad’s eyes slide to the window, his anger blindsided by larger emotion that is difficult to define. Through the glass, the glowing dawn cuts a shimmering crystal ribbon across the patches of icy snow that remain.

“I shouldn’t have left Oz,” my mom continues. “I know it now.” She stops suddenly, and a small gasp escapes as her fingers rise to her lips.

“That’s not true,” she mumbles more to herself than to my dad—a revelation. “I did know.” Her eyes track back and forth. “It’s why I didn’t say goodbye.” She stumbles back a step and catches herself against the couch. “I knew, but I went anyway.”

“Ann, what the hell are you talking about?” my dad says, his attention and irritation returning.

My mom lifts her face to look at him. “I chose,” she says. “Like giving the boots to Mo instead of Natalie.” Her hand opens and closes, and she doesn’t say it, but she is thinking of Kyle.

My dad shakes his head in confusion and annoyance.

“I chose,” she repeats. “I knew I couldn’t take Oz with me, and I knew he wasn’t safe if I left, but I left anyway.”

And you saved everyone else, I cry, but it is unheard.

My dad closes his eyes, his accusations confirmed, and I watch as the last thread of my parents’ marriage ignites. But perhaps silk doesn’t burn, because Vance steps in and says, “And you saved everyone else. And Mr. Miller, no offense, but you’re off your rocker.” He turns to my mom. “He is, you know, off his rocker.”

My mom tries for a smile but doesn’t quite make it.

“I mean, seriously, dude, do you have any idea how amazing it is what Mrs. Miller did? I’m real sorry about Oz, but you seriously can’t blame her for leaving him. It was leave him behind and climb out of there, or everyone was going to die. You, me, Chloe, everyone. Seriously, you need to get over yourself.”

My dad glares at him.

Vance ignores it and, instead, steps in front of my mom, eager anxiousness on his face. “How’s Chloe?” he says, causing my dad to forget his anger for a second to look worriedly at my mom as well, his concern for the living momentarily overshadowing his regret for the dead.

My mom raises her hand to Vance’s cheek, and her eyes well up. She’s so incredibly glad to see him alive and in front of her. “Come see for yourselves,” she says. “The Sunday after next is Easter. I’m cooking a ham.” She looks at my dad. “I’d like you both to be there.”

My dad says nothing, but I feel his harrumph.

She frowns at him. “Dinner’s at six. Don’t be late. And shave your beard. You look like an old goat.”

My mom spins away, and Vance walks her to the door. Only I see my dad stroke his bearded neck, a thin smile playing on his face.

“Chloe is okay with me coming?” Vance says, hope making his voice tight.

My mom touches Vance’s cheek again. “She’ll be as relieved as I am to see how well you’re doing.”

And I feel it, her words making him believe. His chest fills up, and his shoulders straighten. My breath knots in the back of my throat, and I can’t believe how much I’m rooting for him.

As soon as the door closes, my dad says, “We’re not going.”

Vance spins to face him.

“Oz is still out there, and until we find him, we’re not leaving.”





81

An hour after my mom leaves, Captain Burns calls my dad. Twenty minutes after that, Burns is on the couch in the cabin explaining his suspicions about Bob.

Vance sits in the rocking chair across from them, listening.

As Burns talks, my dad’s forearms tense, the muscles in his shoulders bunch, his expression tightens, and his eyes turn dark. Like a lion, he sits coiled, ready to pounce.

“Jack, let me handle this,” Burns says, sensing my dad’s desire to storm from the house and back to Laguna Beach to rip Bob apart.

My dad’s jaw twitches.

“Think about it,” Burns goes on. “If you do something stupid like confront him or, worse, assault him, you hurt our chances for conviction, and you end up in a legal mess of your own.”

My dad’s face is red, so hot I think it might burst into flames, but he manages a nod. As much as he’d love to tear Bob limb from limb, he knows Burns is right. He also knows a felony conviction for negligent homicide will destroy Bob far worse than a beating ever could.

Burns’s interview with Karen at the hospital muddled things more than it clarified them. Like Natalie’s, Karen’s memory of what happened is spotty and distorted. Concerning Oz, she remembered only that he was there and then he wasn’t. Yes, he might have hit her, but she wasn’t sure. She remembered being cold and scared. She didn’t recall being scared of Oz, but she might have been. She told Burns that she tries not to think about it, and when she does, she gets a stomachache. She kept asking him if they were done.

Vance sits frozen in his chair as Burns tells what happened as he understands it from Mo and Karen. He doesn’t embellish or editorialize but delivers the facts straight and without emotion, making the story far more horrible to hear: Oz wanted water for the dog, and because of that, Bob manipulated him into walking into the blizzard to look for his mom, but before sending him on the suicide mission, he finagled away Oz’s gloves for two packages of crackers.