Impossible to Forget(88)

Tiger didn’t say anything for a moment. He’s going to lie, she thought. He’s going to tell me that it’s all totally fine and that he doesn’t mind in the least.

‘Yes, it’s bloody awful,’ he said. ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ he added. ‘You’re a nice kid and I’d have done just about anything for your mum. But this? Being stuck in one place for a whole year? I reckon it might actually kill me.’

Romany was horrified. ‘I’m so sorry . . .’ she began.

And then she saw his face. He was grinning at her and she thumped him gently in the ribs.

‘You bastard!’ she said, laughing. ‘I thought you meant it then.’

Tiger’s grin slipped a little. ‘Well, I’m not entirely joking,’ he said. ‘It is hard, not being able to just take off whenever I want. But it’s not forever and to be honest, I’m quite getting into the routine of it all. And there are advantages to being in one place. It’s safe, for a start – I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder to see who’s watching. And there’s always food – well, if I’ve been to the shops, that is – and it’s warm and dry. And you don’t snore – or not that I can hear through the wall. So, no. It’s not all bad. Right, less of this philosophical bollocks. Let’s go and look at the cathedral. Oldest surviving vaulted ceiling of its size. Did you know that? Actually, I reckon that kind of thing is as much Leon’s area as mine, but I bet he couldn’t give you the guided tour.’



By the time the day was over, Romany had walked her legs to bleeding stumps and couldn’t take another step, but she felt like she had a pretty good idea of what Durham was all about.

‘So, still want to go to uni there?’ asked Tiger as they sat in the train on their way home.

‘Yeah, I reckon so,’ Romany replied. ‘Thanks, Tiger.’

‘You’re welcome. Glad to be of use.’

Something that might have been sadness flickered across his face, as if he wished he could be helpful more often. It made Romany wonder.

‘Can I ask you something?’ she began tentatively.

‘Sure. Fire away.’

‘Is it just you? I mean, have you got family somewhere or are you like me, with no one?’

‘Is that how you feel?’ he replied, answering her question with a question.

Romany pulled her lips together tight ready to stop her emotions from escaping, but then she realised that she wasn’t going to cry.

‘Yeah, a bit,’ she said. ‘I mean there’s you and Auntie Maggie.’ She could feel her cheeks warm at the babyish name. ‘And Leon, of course. And I’ve got my friends. Laura is amazing and her mum’s been great. But, basically, yes. It does feel like it’s me on my own.’

‘What about your dad?’ asked Tiger. ‘He’s still around, somewhere. We could try to track him down.’

Romany had thought about this. Since her adamant response to her mum’s enquiry in Whitby that time, she had felt that she needed to continue to toe that line. But actually, given how things had changed, she wasn’t quite as opposed to the idea as she had been at fifteen. That wasn’t the same as actually wanting to find him, though. She shook her head.

‘I don’t think so,’ she said. ‘I mean, I’ve done all right without him so far. And maybe we’re just not meant to meet?’

Tiger gave her a look that suggested he didn’t agree, but he didn’t challenge her view. ‘You’re young,’ he said instead. ‘There’s plenty of time to decide.’

They fell silent then, each of them staring out of the window into the darkening sky for the rest of the journey. Romany didn’t realise until later that Tiger had dodged her question.





45


‘Hurry up, Leon! We’ll be late.’

He was dragging his heels and Maggie knew precisely why. He just didn’t want to go. He had been anxious about the open mic evening ever since Romany had bounced him into doing it, but he had said he would play, and he couldn’t drop out now.

Maggie softened her tone. ‘It’ll be fine,’ she said. ‘You can do this standing on your head. All you have to do is play one piece, just show Romany that you’re there for her. It’ll mean so much to her, you stepping up like this.’

Leon refused to engage. Whatever it was that was going on in his head, he wasn’t prepared to share it with her. He left the room without a word.

Maggie hadn’t seen him vulnerable like this for a while. He had always worn his heart on his sleeve, but over the years, that side of him had become more deeply buried. It was just part of getting older, she assumed. You became more adept at keeping the softer parts of yourself hidden from view and, in time, sometimes maybe you even forgot they were there.

The prospect of playing at this open mic night, though, had definitely triggered something in him. Maggie wasn’t sure what it was. Nerves, certainly, but it felt like there was something else beneath that, something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

He reappeared at the door with his sax bag slung across his back. He looked very pale. Maybe it was too much? She should perhaps give him the chance to back out.

‘I can tell her that you’re ill, if you like,’ Maggie said gently. ‘We don’t have to go.’