If You Must Know (Potomac Point #1)(67)

We certainly had bigger crises to contend with, but Erin’s tempering her impulses rocked me. “I disagree.”

She cocked her head, peering at me. “I expected you to be proud of me for ‘cooling my heels,’ as Mom might say.”

“Normally I might, but maybe we’d all be happier if one of us found some joy. What’s more joyful than new romance? Plus the fact that Eli is still devoted to his wife speaks well of his capacity for commitment and love.” Unlike my husband, who had no problem changing wives as often as some women changed their shoes.

“He does seem gentle and kind.” The little upturn of her mouth gave me a pang. I missed feeling that way about Lyle. Erin said, “If you ever meet him, you’ll sense it.”

Doubtful. I’d fallen for Lyle, so my “sense” for good men was faulty, which meant I should mind my own business.

“On second thought, you’re probably right not to push, especially when you’ve never been particularly interested in something more permanent. He’s been hurt badly, so you couldn’t walk away so easily like you did with Max.”

Erin rapped her knuckles on the table, frowning. “I put up with Max’s crap for months before I finally ended things.”

“All I meant was that Eli’s vulnerable now. Don’t toy with his heart on an impulse.”

Her eyes drifted upward as she sighed. “Not everyone throws their whole heart in the ring from the get-go.”

“No, but from what you’ve described, he sounds more like me than you.”

Erin slumped back in her chair. “Well, then there’s no problem, because he’d get annoyed by me, anyway.”

Her tone had been light, but she wouldn’t have said it if on some level she didn’t believe that she annoyed me sometimes. A sad fact, but if she were being honest, she’d admit that irritation ran in both directions. My reluctance to take risks and her disinterest in domestic pastimes left us with little to share. By the time we’d reached adulthood, we’d accepted it and carved out parallel lives that intersected for family events.

When Lyle burst into my life, her dislike of him made it easy to drift even further apart. I’d ignored her opinions because my life had become full of excitement and acceptance—or so I’d thought. Another bad decision to add to my growing list of mistakes. I didn’t want to continue making them, and it was past time to close the distance between us. “He might sometimes, but he’d still find you lovable.”

A quirk of her lips disrupted her deadpan expression. Playfully, she fluffed her chunky waves of hair. “Well, I am sort of unique.”

“For sure.” The shorn head, nose ring, and odd clothing used to embarrass me—possibly because all I’d wanted was for her to fit in so others wouldn’t talk about her. Now I realized how petty they’d all been, and how weak I’d been for not sticking up for her. I almost said something, but my phone rang. Mom.

The moment with my sister was over. “Hey, Mom, are you finished?”

“Yes. Where are you two?”

“At the café downstairs.” I scanned the medical center’s cavernous lobby. “We’ll meet you by the elevators.”

“Fine.” She hung up.

“Uh-oh.” I shoved the phone in my bag and stood. “She’s not a happy camper.”

Erin tossed the muffin wrapper in the trash and crushed her can before putting it in the recycle bin. “Bad news?”

“It’s too soon for any news. She’s just mad that we forced her to come.”

Erin grimaced. “More embarrassed than mad.”

Embarrassed to seek medical care. That sounded ridiculous, but our mother was a proud woman who’d spent most of her life overcoming her father’s legacy, determined to prove herself to be nothing like him. That shaped her aversion to unwanted attention, as my need for her approval shaped mine. I had to find a way to break the decades-old cycle to spare my daughter this unhealthy anxiety despite her father’s crimes.

By the time we made our way to the elevator bank, our mom had arrived. “I hope you two are satisfied now. Let’s go.”

She marched ahead of us, clasping her clutch to her bosom.

“Did Dr. Blount offer any preliminary opinions?” I asked, holding my belly while trotting to keep up with her.

“That’s not your business, like making people think I’m losing my mind isn’t your business.” She burst through the doors into the bright sunlight.

I squinted. “Mom, we haven’t even told Kevin yet, let alone ‘people.’ But we’re concerned given the pan, the keys, the fainting, the garage. You’ve got to admit you’ve been off lately.”

She whirled around, wearing the stern expression she typically reserved for Erin. “With good reason, Amanda.”

I shrank from the rebuke.

Mom rarely yelled at me. I’d always hated when it happened, and I still did. “I’m sorry. You know I am.”

I couldn’t feel any smaller unless I became invisible, which would have been preferable to being reminded, yet again, of what my husband had done.

“Let’s chill.” Erin set her hands on both our shoulders. “Mom, so you’re a little embarrassed by the oopsies and this appointment. Embarrassment won’t kill you. Learn from me and roll with it. We hope this appointment was unnecessary, but as you always tell me, better safe than sorry.”