If You Must Know (Potomac Point #1)(39)

My mother continued chewing—a reluctant nod her only acknowledgment. Success would depend on me tiptoeing through a minefield.

“Isn’t her lease up soon?” I asked.

Mom shrugged. “I have no idea. Why?”

“I guess I’ve been thinking about how she and I were both betrayed, but at least I have a close relationship with you. Without Dad around, Erin’s sort of on her own.”

Mom snorted. “It’s not like we ban her from our lives. She keeps us at arm’s length.”

“I only meant that she’s alone, and we both know that’s not easy.”

“You’re sweet to worry about her, honey. She can surely use all the help she can get.” She took another bite of the sandwich.

I’d spent my childhood doing everything to avoid being the target of that kind of dig. At least this time Erin hadn’t been here to hear it. It must’ve been exhausting brushing off those comments day after day.

On a positive note, Mom’s wisecrack had given me an opening. While I didn’t know the details of my sister’s finances, she could probably use a financial break. “Actually, you could do her a big favor if you let her move in with you for a while to save some money while she figured out her next steps . . .”

I didn’t make eye contact, feigning nonchalance.

“You’re kidding, right?” She frowned. “If I offer help, she’ll accuse me of thinking she can’t hack it on her own.”

True enough, but I had a solution for that, too. One I wouldn’t share with Mom, though. I only had to convince her to let Erin move in. “For the sake of argument, if she said yes, would you be okay with that?”

My mom took another bite while thinking. Her serious contemplation suggested she might be even lonelier than I presumed. “I do like her little dog.”

Oof. The dog, not her daughter? What if my plan backfired and drove them further apart? Maybe this was a mistake.

Mom continued, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if she moved in for a while. William would offer if he were here . . .”

With no time to waffle, I nodded, knowing my dad’s wishes would cinch this side of the equation. “Daddy would love that.”

My mom balled up her napkin. “This will sound silly, but sometimes I get so mad at him for dying on me. How often did I beg him to quit smoking? But those cigarettes were more important to him than we were. If he were here, I’d kill him for leaving me too soon. Nothing is the same without him.”

I couldn’t begrudge her the reflexive need to blame someone or something for her pain. Some losses are simply too infinite to accept. I’d been sewing a quilt for our guest room when my mother had called with the news. Lyle had been in his office but came to check on me when he heard me sobbing. He’d gathered me in his arms despite my fists slamming against his chest. When I finally collapsed against him in a puddle of tears, I’d had two thoughts. One was wondering whether my dad had ever realized how much I’d wanted to be closer to him. The second was that at least I’d had Lyle, who loved me as I was, unlike my less fortunate sister, who’d been dating Max, a man I knew could never come close to being a substitute for our father. How ludicrous I’d been to not know that no man would ever fill that void.

Patting my mother’s wrist, I said, “I miss him, too, Mom.”

She squeezed my hand. “Let’s change the subject.”

Okay, then.

Since Lyle went rogue, our conversations had been strained like this one, with each of us walking a wide circle around frightening questions that didn’t have clear answers. This must be how Erin felt with Mom—always careful and at a loss for safe topics. “I noticed your tulips.”

“Let’s hope the deer don’t eat them all.” She wiped her mouth with the crumpled napkin. “Thank you for tidying up and making my sandwich, but I’m fine now. You should rest while you can. You’ll need strength when the baby comes.”

Color had returned to her face and she seemed alert, so I took her up on her suggestion. “Promise you’ll call if you start to feel woozy.”

“I’m fine. But, yes, I’ll call if anything changes.”

“Okay. And what did you decide about Erin? If I float the idea by her, would you let her move in?”

“Sure. We should be able to manage a few months without killing each other, and it’ll deter Dodo from visiting.” Her joking was a sign she might even secretly be looking forward to it.

“Great.” I had to get to Erin before Mom changed her mind. “I have a ham at home if you want to stop over for dinner.”

“Maybe.”

Equivocation on a dinner invitation—rare indeed. “I’ll call you later.”

If I warned Erin of my arrival, she might put me off, so I drove the few blocks to her place. Before entering the decrepit building, I drew in a deep breath, which I held all the way past that second floor. There weren’t words for that crazy cat lady’s apartment stench.

When I knocked on Erin’s door, Mo went berserk. Erin’s laughter drifted into the hallway while she called him her crazy MoMo. She must’ve peered through the peephole, because there was a pronounced pause before she opened the door. “What’s wrong?”

I bent down to scratch Mo’s ears. “Do you have a few minutes? Something happened today, and I could use some help.”