If I Never Met You(53)
‘What did you say just now?’
‘That I was here on a date.’
‘That was enough to put her off?’
‘Yup. Well. Apart from …’ Jamie leaned in and whispered, ‘She offered for you to join in.’
Laurie sucked in her breath and looked over. ‘And when she was dating your friend, you …?!’
Jamie shook his head rapidly: ‘My male friend! Male. No thank you.’
‘She looks like normal people. All the while. Soliciting threesomes.’
Laurie thought for a moment. ‘But you said something else to her? Something that made her go “Oh my!” and look at me like I was an extra terrestrial.’
‘Did she?’ Jamie said, blandly: this was a fob off if ever there was.
‘Yes. You said I was a Mormon, or didn’t have good hygiene, or something, didn’t you?’
‘I didn’t! I made it clear you wouldn’t be interested, and that was that.’
‘You said, she’s not a Sex Person, you know.’
‘Sex Person, hahahaha. But no, I didn’t.’
‘You didn’t tell her we weren’t really dating?’
‘No! That’s verboten. We agreed?’
‘Absolutely.’ Laurie nodded, feeling a twinge of hypocrisy, though what risk was Emily?
‘If it isn’t bad, why don’t you tell me?’
‘Argh! You’re in the right job you know that? The witness requests a glass of water.’
‘Denied, the witness can have a drink of water, Your Honour, when he answers the question as clearly stated.’
‘I told her …’ Jamie paused. ‘I said I don’t want to share you. That’s what I said.’
‘Oh,’ Laurie said.
A look passed between them and Laurie felt … unusual. Despite knowing it was fiction created for a purpose, she felt a flicker in her stomach. Then returned herself to reality:
‘She was that shocked at the idea you might be dabbling in fidelity?’
Jamie shrugged and changed the subject.
Something tweaked at Laurie about it, something she still didn’t understand, and as they were being shown to their table, she realised what it was.
If what Jamie said was merely created to brush Kirsten off, why was he reluctant to tell her?
After Dan and Laurie got together, they used to blow student loan cash on dinners à deux. What Laurie remembered was going wild at the Pizza Hut as-much-as-you-can-eat salad bar, and being so smitten and full of chemicals, her stomach like a balloon knot, she could only pick at it. A twelve-inch stuffed crust pepperoni would appear to be the size of the Isle of Wight and anyway, she didn’t want to do something as unsexy as masticate it in front of her new obsession. There were a lot of doggy bags in her halls of residence fridge. Dan thought that Laurie had a birdlike appetite for the first year they were together. (His scoffing ability was unaffected, however.)
By contrast, the benefit of not being on a real second date with Jamie Carter, or high on the natural drug of infatuation, was that Laurie was more than able to do justice to a shared T-bone steak, bone marrow gravy, dripping fries, cheesy mash and creamed spinach, after Jamie had taken the obligatory photographs. This was the squarest meal she’d had since the break-up, and she’d returned to the fray with gusto.
‘I can’t look at another chip without crying,’ Jamie said, after twenty-five minutes.
‘Quitter. Wouldn’t want you fighting alongside me in any war.’ She shovelled them over on to her plate.
‘I’m trying to work out what evidence we produce from this evening,’ Jamie said, ‘As a stern critic of my own work, I think The Ivy was a trifle obvious, a bit on the nose. I shouldn’t have gone Facebook, I never do Facebook, really. This one will be strictly for Instagram.’
Laurie nodded. ‘You know best.’
‘But, I’m still worried that another selfie is a bit … meh. And labouring the point. It doesn’t feel genuine. You know?’
Laurie rubbed her hands on her napkin. ‘Not really, being a grandma with all this.’
‘You’d be so good at it though. You’re photogenic, and witty.’
Laurie beamed. She’d take it.
He found no further inspiration by the time the bill came, and said in dismay, ‘I’ll put our posh Harvester dinner on an Instagram story but other than that, I got nothing. I can’t tag you in it as you’re not on Instagram, but I will hint you were there in the caption.’
‘Imagine if we’d known this would be adulthood.’
As they walked away from the restaurant, two girls in front of them were giggling and holding a phone up, shivering bare legs going knock-kneed in the cold.
‘Hang on … hang on. I’ve got it, I’ve got the idea,’ Jamie said, in a low voice, ‘I’m pretty sure we’re in the background of their photos.’
He drew Laurie a few steps forward and discreetly checked where the girls were again. ‘OK, put your hand over my hand.’
Jamie placed it on Laurie’s cheekbone, pulling her in and cupping her face as if in adoration or about to kiss, lowering his gaze as he did so. Laurie almost snorted but Jamie hissed: ‘Hand, now!’ Laurie put her palm over his, feeling distinctly foolish.