If I Never Met You(52)

‘Unfortunately my tyrannical lodger Margaret has her needs, and they include a bedroom of her own, and a garden,’ Jamie swiped to open his phone and showed Laurie a picture of a giantly plump tortie with a near-human frown.

‘Haha! Oh. I didn’t think of you as a cat person at all.’

‘I’m not really, I’m a Margaret person. A colleague in Liverpool found her in a hedge as a kitten and she was living in the office store room until I volunteered. She was the only one in the office I got on with, by the end.’

Laurie thought: persona non grata in two workplaces, Jamie, I might start to look at the common factor.

‘Yeah Miss Eyebrow Raise, I know you’re thinking “oh he pisses everyone off” but it wasn’t like that. My ex decided to turn it into Israel and Palestine in terms of who took which side, and eventually pretty much everyone decided the quieter life was on hers.’

‘So I guess you could say she did bring peace and unity to the West Bank eventually?’

Jamie almost spat his ‘Shaky Pete’s Ginger Brew’.

‘I’d have preferred a two state solution. You do make me laugh – slash – say the strangest things.’

They beamed at each other, a moment of unadulterated mutual appreciation, the sort of brush with excitement Laurie had forgotten how to feel. Was this some sort of chemistry? Or the marmalade-flavoured intoxicator? She looked away first, taking another sip.

‘It’s so novel to me to be the talk of the office and have a drama with an ex …’ Even calling Dan her ex still sounded weird. ‘What with us having been going steady since eighteen. He’s my only serious boyfriend.’

She presumed Jamie picked up on the implication of serious, she wasn’t going to spell it out.

‘Wow. Yeah. Can imagine.’

‘Can you though? You probably think I should be stuffed and in a museum,’ Laurie said, grinning.

‘I definitely think you should be stuffed,’ Jamie said and then, ‘No no no no come on,’ as Laurie did a shock-shriek of laughter. ‘You made that too easy, rude not for me to take the punchline when offered up. And I don’t know why you have this idea that I find different choices to my own so repulsive. They’re different choices, that’s all.’

‘To be fair, you made getting married sound like a Russian prison without the sex, so you’re not that accepting.’

God, was he a younger version of her dad? Is this how the oldest swinger in town started out? Ugh, and there was still the wedding reception she’d been trying not to think about to get through. Horrors.

‘Haha, sorry yes, I overdid the cynicism that evening. That’s spending hours in Salter & Rowson’s lift for you. There are long-term relationships I think are great. My mum and dad’s. My best mate Hattie and her husband Padraig. But they’re few and far between. I’m over thirty, I’m not so arrogant or as optimistic as to think I’m ever going to meet the person I could have that with.’

Laurie nodded. ‘Yeah I probably won’t again.’

‘You will. But I already feel sorry for him, you and your steel-trap mind.’

She laughed. Jamie shook his head.

‘You know, the whole romantic comedy staple of The One Who Comes Into Your Life Unexpectedly And Changes Everything. Setting aside that no one’s capable of that if you’re a grown adult who knows their own mind, why is that a good thing? I don’t want to be changed. I like myself as I am.’

‘That comes across,’ Laurie grinned and he rolled his eyes.

‘Another?’

‘It’s table service.’

‘Well I’m running a drink behind and can’t wait.’

Chin propped on palm, Laurie watched him lean on the bar, and pondered if she could save up to redecorate her house in the style of Hawksmoor.

A platinum blonde with a bob, in an oyster silk spaghetti strap dress, slid over to Jamie’s side. She looked like Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface and had a similar aversion to wearing a bra. Laurie couldn’t stop staring. Was she hitting on Jamie …?

My God, she was, arm draped around his shoulder, speaking closely into his ear, the way her body was angled, Jamie looking simultaneously gratified and vaguely startled. Laurie watched with amused curiosity: would he weasel out of this one, given the contract stipulations?

There was some sotto voce chat between them and the woman glanced over. There was some more chat, and the woman did a ‘Wow what’, jaw drop, and this time really scrutinised Laurie. It was hard to know how to feel when she had no idea what had sparked her interest.

Jamie broke free and came back, set their drinks down.

‘Did you get propositioned at the bar?’ Laurie said, quietly, awestruck.

‘Er. Yeah,’ Jamie said, bashful and maybe a little bit proud.

‘Oh my God.’ Laurie didn’t want to inflate an already healthy ego but this felt like going on safari to her.

‘But … how do … creatures of the night know each other? How do you tell each other is one, like the Freemasons? You could’ve been here with your wife; I could be your wife. I could be barrelling over there, handbag flying. Or you could be gay.’

Jamie laughed.

‘For the most part, especially if you’re a woman approaching a man, you’re pretty sure even if you get rebuffed that the person will be flattered. Also, I can’t let you go on thinking I’m a God. While I have had a cold approach in my time, that wasn’t one. That’s Kirsten, I know her from a while back. She was dating a friend of mine at the time.’