I'll Stop the World (74)

“Seems like it should have one, if it’s going to be our mascot.”

“It’s going to be a stinky mascot in a couple weeks.”

“Well, there’s no rule that a mascot can’t also be a salad.” Charlene grinned, and even though it had been only a few days since they’d broken up, Lisa drank in her smile like water in a desert.

“When will you talk to him?” Charlene asked.

Lisa cleared her throat, her stomach suddenly tight. She’d been so excited about making things right with Charlene that for a second, she’d forgotten all about her conversation with Shawn. “Tomorrow, I think,” she said. “I feel like I need to tell him in person.”

“That makes sense. Call me after?”

“You bet.” The relief Lisa felt to know that Charlene would be waiting for her on the other side was almost enough to drown out her dread.





Chapter Forty-Three


SHAWN

“I just don’t understand girls.”

Shawn whipped the stone out of his hand and watched it skip along the surface of the river before disappearing into the gurgling current. He’d originally thought it might be nice to have a picnic by the river with Lisa after school today, but when she was busy—again—he’d asked Noah. They’d skipped the picnic, though, opting to skip stones instead.

Shawn dropped his gaze to the bank and began searching for another one, nudging the rocks with the toe of his shoe.

“We were great all last year. And then summer arrives, and suddenly she’ll barely even let me touch her. She spends all her time with Charlene now. I hardly even see her outside of school.” He found another rock, tossed it. Two skips. “I get that they’re best friends, but I’m her boyfriend. Shouldn’t that mean she wants to spend time with me?”

“I don’t know, man,” Noah said. He sat on the bank, making some sort of rock sculpture, his sweatshirt balled underneath him as a cushion. “Maybe she’s just not feeling it anymore.”

“I should never have told her I loved her. I think that’s what screwed it all up.”

“Do you love her?”

Shawn sighed, flinging another rock into the water as he thought about Noah’s question. Only one skip that time.

That conversation, when he told her he loved her, had been his big mistake. He knew she wouldn’t say it back, but he’d foolishly said it anyway, hoping maybe she’d prove him wrong. Of course she hadn’t. She’d been pulling away for months by then, always wanting to go out to big, crowded places rather than be alone with him.

But at the end of the school year, after finals, he’d thought they were better. For a while, it even felt like they were a team again. Like he might actually be the most important person in her world, the way she was in his. So he said it.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Even now, though, he couldn’t help it. Even if she’d never love him, she was the only girl he’d ever brought home who had seen his life as it was, seen him for who he was. Not the carefully shellacked vision his father tried to drag into reality, but reality as it actually was.

“Yeah,” Shawn admitted. “I think I do.”

“Well, then, it was good that you told her. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way.”

Shawn looked sideways at Noah. “You’re one to talk.”

Noah furrowed his brow, making his glasses slip a little down his nose. He pushed them back up with one finger. “What do you mean? Steph and I have only been together for a couple months. It’s way too early to—”

“Not Steph.” Shawn raised his eyebrows meaningfully at Noah’s confused expression. “You can’t pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about.”

“I really don’t.”

“Rose, dude. The girl you’ve been in love with since we were twelve.”

Noah blinked at him, looking slightly stunned, then shook his head. “No way. She’s my best friend, that’s all.”

“I think the only two people who believe that are you and her.”

Noah returned his attention to his rock creation, creating a lopsided tower. “Anyway,” he said, not meeting Shawn’s eyes, “I think you just need to talk to Lisa. Ask her what’s up.”

“But what if she really isn’t into me anymore? What if she wants to break up?”

“Then you’ll know.” Noah frowned as he misplaced a rock and half the tower collapsed with a clatter. He examined it for a second, then kicked out his foot to knock the rest of it down. “I mean, it would suck, but do you really want to keep dating a girl who isn’t into you? Like, who is that good for?”

“Yeah. I know.” Shawn found a perfectly flat, smooth stone, and slung it into the river. Four skips. His best yet. “I just . . . no one knows me like that, you know?”

“Dude, I do not need to know about how well Lisa ‘knows’ you,” Noah said, waving his hands like he was wafting away a bad odor.

“Not like that.” Shawn laughed, although his voice came out a little strained. The truth was, Lisa didn’t know him at all in the way Noah was implying. They’d had plenty of opportunities, but he could tell she wasn’t super into it, so they’d never gone very far. Eventually, he’d stopped trying. “I mean I’ve told her stuff no one else knows. About me. About my life. I’ve always been able to talk to her in a way I haven’t been able to talk to anyone else. If we broke up . . .”